Venting

[alonegirl]

I thought that the pain would be getting better by now, it has been almost three weeks. Still no contact at all. For anybody that didn't read my earlier post my ex boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me gave me some long story about him being unhappy in his life etc turns out he had met someone else at work that I guess he decided he wanted to be with. Everyone keeps telling me that I should be angry and I know that I should be angry and I get angry every once in a while but then it passes and I am back to hurt again. I am just in so much shock, I feel as though I am dreaming. Someone that loves you and that you love are not supposed to hurt you. Someone that you felt safe with, secure with who always told you as long as you were with him nothing would ever happen to you is not supposed to hurt you like this. I just dont understand why he did this and I know I may never but that is hard to deal with. I want to know if he even feels bad for doing this? For hurting me? I want to know how his life can just go on and he can act like he has no care in the world while I am just devastated. How does someone you thought loved you and cared about you just walk away and never look back? These are all the questions in my head that I know will probably get answered but I guess I really just needed to vent.

[melrich]

Unless there is ice flowing through his veins he will definitely be feeling guilty, I am sure it will sometimes overwhelm him. One way to cope with guilt is to remove yourself from the source (that is you) which I am guessing he has probably done.

 

Also don't be too harsh on yourself in terms of the time it will take to get over the relationship.

[RainaBabe]

If you had been dating him a short time I'd probably expect you to be angry by now. But since this was such a long-term relationship, it's understandable that you're still in this stage. I don't know what to tell you about him, but I CAN tell you that they're often unhappy even when it seems like everything is going well for them. I can also assure you that eventually everything will work out as it's meant to, even if it doesn't seem like it now. I know that doesn't help, but it's like my recent surgery: you have to go through the pain and recovery and know there will be an end to it at some point.

[nix]

I can empathise with you totally but I cant tell you that what you are feeling will pass quickly. I split with my bf of 4.5 years back in December and the pain and hurt is still as raw now as it was then although I am learning to get on with my own life and not let the pain consume me.

 

You have to accept that the hurt and pain will be with you for some time, dont try to fight it just go with it, understand it and feel it. For me this has helped alot but sometimes it is overwhelming especially when little things trigger the hurt over again.

 

NC does help too, there has been no contact between me and my ex for nearly 2 months now and although its hard its better im sure. If I saw his face it would only upset me and if I knew what he was up to that would hurt too. Just hearing about him through mutual friends hurts so to be in contact would not be a good idea!

 

We broke up because he said he was 'unhappy in his life' too and I can totally get where you are coming from with the wanting to know if he feels bad etc because those questions fill my head too. In my opinion there is no way they can just carry on like nothing has happened, its not possible! Just make yourself believe that and it helps...true or not!

 

Not sure if all that helped at all, im no expert!?...but believe my you aren't alone girl!

[Bluegirl]

I understand completely that you don't feel angry yet. Of course you don't, you are still in complete shock. I know that you can't quite believe it's happening, that's totally normal and don't worry about it. It's a process and you are probably in the first stage, denial. There is no way you can be angry with something that you can't quite believe is happening. Don't let others rush you through this, it is a day to day experience. Your friends just want you to be better, they want you to be back to yourself. I am in the same situation as you and everyone is desperate for me to be back to my normal smiling self. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen for a while. I had a good night last night though. I bought the book 'Don't call that Man', and it has lots of excercises where you write out answers to questions the author poses. I have to say it did put things into slightly better order for me, and although I am still so unbelievably sad and hurt and betrayed because after 3.5 years he has moved on to someone else, I am starting to see that it's his problem not mine. I was full of love and willing to make a life with him, it was his problem that he couldn't do the same. I do NOT believe that he is totally content with his new girlfriend, just as yours isn't with his. They are just an easy way to get over the pain. Ironically it won't work, because it just supresses all the memories and emotions that you are currently reliving in your head. He's not doing that but eventually he will have to. By then, you'll be in a much stronger position. Remember you are doing the right thing by grieving and going through this. It is the only way to ensure that this doesn't screw you up forever. Big Hug

xxxxx

[dollyd]

I know how you feel, it's been 3 months since my ex left me and some what of the pain is still there, but i'm trying to move on with my life now. i still get upset and lonley, i tried the whole killing myself thing as well a week after he left and now i know that was a completely stupid thing to do not only did i hurt the people i most love in this world, it pushed him further away.

 

I argee with no contact, i wish i could have stuck by that, but i'm not beating myself up about anymore, cause i know it would have never of worked between us, we wanted different things, i wanted marriage and kids where he didn't.

 

We are still in contact because of the house we jointly own, which i'm buying him out of, but as soon as that has been sorted all ties and contact will be cut.

 

I don't want him back in my life but i miss him so much, i think it's more the company i miss. I see him most nights as he comes over to use my PC as he has no internet connection where he's living now and i work with him in the same dept at work.

 

But looking back on it i've not lost anything, he is the one who has lost everything.

 

everything happens for a reason and there is plenty more fish in the sea,that will treat you with the respect and love you deserve.