need advice to move on...

[marathoneer]

my girlfriend of a few months and i broke up a couple of months ago and it's been a pretty trying time...we were very close friends before the relationship and both of us agreed that that was the most important thing to us, but the problem is that after we broke up, it seems that she's been trying to avoid me and spend as little time with me as possible (though she expressly wanted to be friends still)

 

for a while i wanted to spend that time with her partly because i was under the impression that we'd get back together again (we had repeatedly broken up and gotten back together before) but now i realize more and more that we're just not right for each other...this situation is also complicated by this other guy, who has become almost a replacement best friend for me, and whom she met during our relationship; his presense made me uncomfortable throughout our relationship, and it was part of the reason that we broke up

 

i had recently been getting over the fact that she and i would probably never be close friends again, and that everything we promised each other about being friends just doesn't apply anymore...i've been spending my time with other friends and getting to know other people (though im just not in the mood to date anyone else right now)--basically i've been doing my best to move on--but recently she came to me and said that she was sorry for everything and that she was ready to treat me right, like a friend should...i got a little peeved at her because i was starting to get over it all and she came back to me to reopen these wounds by asking to be let back into my life...i didn't want to believe her (as she is often fickle) and got a little furious at her

 

so now, i don't know what to do...i know i don't want to get back together with her, and im not sure if i want to be friends with her (at least in the near future) but what i am sure of is the fact that this keeps hurting me everyday...i had stopped thinking about things but now it's come back to haunt me, and i remember everything that she did wrong to me and everything that i've recently lost...any advice on how to stop these stupid thoughts from coming back?

[Rugbyboyo]

Ino how u feel mate, same thing has happened to me..we said we would stay mates after bout she treats me weird, like bein cold. And i am where u are at now, take a trip back to hell or keep drivin forward, if she wants to treat you like a mate tell her that you cant be thinkin of her, and the past at the moment. if she repsects you as a mate that much she will agree, just take your time to get back on your feet (to 120%) dont go straight out there again with girls cause now i hav and so should u of learnt a imporatant lesson out of the whole thing! just keep drivin forward with you life and maybe one day hook up and say hello when your ready but time will tell! good luck m8 hope it helped...

[Royaloid]

Hello Marathoneer, it sounds like you've been doing your best to move on so far, hanging out with friends, attempting to distance yourself from her. If she wants to build a friendship with you thats something that you yourself have to be willing to deal with. If its not right for you at the moment there isnt anything wrong with expressing how you feel. Just tell her that right now you have alot your going through and its not in your best interest to remain in contact with her. Hopefully when you get everything sorted out you two can continue to remain friends.

 

The recurring thoughts your having about this mean your wounds arent completely healed. You have to give it some time and take yourself out of the situation to allow yourself to pick up on track. Until your able to handle contact with her without being drawn back into the same cycle, its best if you back off. Good luck, keep us updated.