is adult entertainment like cheating or am I crazy?

[hockeyboy]

this kind of stuff stupid.

 

judgemental

[CarrieB123]

really don't need to look at other penises-the one my partner has is just fine, thank you!

 

Ewww, me neither, I will turn away rather than have to stare one of them in the eye.

 

Now give me a buff body, or a cute butt, or a guy in just a pair of white boxer shorts and I can stare for hours!!!

[Beec]

Calm down guys-nobody is going to take your freedom of checking out other T&As. It's a free world. Just find a woman who enjoys that too and you will be fine!

Maybe she will even encourage you to go....you may be that lucky.

And maybe one day when you get older and wiser you may find this kind of stuff stupid. People change, you know.

I really don't need to look at other penises-the one my partner has is just fine, thank you!

 

I'm probably older than you. I go about once a year or less to anything with strippers, but I do go. Does my woman like it too? NO. Does she like that I go? No. But I am going to go, as I have been infrequently for years, with some of my odlest and best friends. It's somethign we do when we get together. And none of us have ever cheated because we went to see strippers. The friends who have, have cheated elsewhere.

 

If looking and only looking is cheating, convict us all. If looking at someone who is naked makes it different, I don't see how.

[melrich]

Lovely Lady,

 

Do not use your friend like this. I am sure if he knew what you were doing he would not appreciate it.

 

There are some major generalisations going on here. We should focus on the issue at hand. If you don't want your b/f to go to the strip club (and that is your right to feel like that) tell him. If he chooses to go despite your wishes then that is an issue you will have to deal with as you see fit. I do think though you have to leave the decision to him, not demand that he doesn't go.

[Luciana]

"I'm probably older than you. I go about once a year or less to anything with strippers, but I do go. Does my woman like it too? NO. Does she like that I go? No. But I am going to go.."

 

 

This part baffled me. You know your wife feels upset with this behavior and you still do it. Would you like her to something that made YOU upset? Anything that gives her her kicks? YOu are very lucky she is so patient.

When you get home do you tell her what you have been up to? Does she greet you with a smile? I didn't know there were passive women like that anymore. Or do you hide it from her (worse)? I couldn't imagine my father doing that to my mother.

[Luciana]

Beec, I have a question for you:

 

Is your wife hot? Does she still turn heads? Do you get jealous of her?

[melrich]

I didn't write the quote you are referring to but relationships are all about give and take. If you only did what your partner wanted you to do or vice versa, I think your relationship would not last very long

[chai714]

I didn't write the quote you are referring to but relationships are all about give and take. If you only did what your partner wanted you to do or vice versa, I think your relationship would not last very long

 

Rich,

I know this thread is getting more and more off topic and possibly turning personal to some, but I agree with what you just said. Part of having a lasting, healthy relationship is agreeing to disagree while showing respect. Doing what your partner likes and expects of you 100% of the time would make for a boring relationship that would probably end quick.

 

The adult entertainment industry raises a lot of brows and is becoming more and more popular (especially with the Internet era). But a lot of "traditional porn" is nothing that everyday people don't do in their own bedrooms, so there really is no justification to look at porn with a low brow. Organizations such as NOW (National Organization of Women) may argue that it's demeaning to women and they're treated as objects and they're partially right - breast implants are "objects" inserted into chests, but nobody forces these stars to get them or star in movies. The same goes with strippers. I'm not defending nor condoning either porn or strippers, but just making a point.

[eyesfor2]

You should trust him. I am sure that if you do not want him to go then he won't but perhaps you need to discuss your feelings about nudity with him. Maybe he doesn't agree that being naked is that special. Maybe it is the act itself that, for him, is private. I agree with many above posts that you need open and clear communication. I also believe that in a healthy and lasting relationship, the couple does not hold each other back if they want something because that fosters resentment. If you have a strong relationship, this should not harm it.

[hockeyboy]

Listen...you cant change who your man is. Like i said we all have different values. if you dont like the values your man holds then dont be with him, but dont try to change him either as that never works. you may think you've changed him but he probably is just doing a better job of hiding it. as long as your being honest i dont see the problem. i think the real problem here lies in insecurity and trust.

[Beec]

Luciana,

 

One, she is not my wife, but maybe that will change. if you asked both of us, I am sure we would both tell you we expect it to change.

 

Yes, she is pretty hot. We were out a weekend or so ago, and four guys in a car we walked past let me know they agreed that she was.

 

Does she do things I would prefer she not do? Yes. Some of the things she does upset me. And she knows they do. Did I hide that I went to see strippers in March? No. Not at all. Her concern did not seem to be that I might see it, but that I did something more, like actually had sex with someone. I don't do that, so she got a pretty firm and not so friendly response.

 

Your whole question or issue seems to be geared at would I do something that I wanted to do and she did not want me to? YES, I do and will. And she does too. I think it is a question of extent. I do not agree with subjugating my entire will to her and live only in accordance with the standards she sets for me. I don't expect her to live only according to my will. We need some independence, or we risk becoming a polyp attached to one of our partner's major organs.

[Luciana]

I think a problem here is how some people view nudity. For some, getitng naked is an intimate act that is shared with someone close to you. Others are raised seeing their parents naked, go to nude beaches and feel nudity is not something to be kept behind closed doors. Again, to each his own. For some women like Lovely lady and many others, to be naked in front of a man and to provoke sexual feelings on him is something you do in privacy.

 

Brazil is an interesting country. Sexuality is more open. WOmen are usually attractive and slim everywhere and dress sexily. Because men see women like that everywhere, they don't seem to have this need to go into a seedy dark club to look at women naked. There are almost no strip clubs there. There is none of the bachelor party with strippers mentality. In the US, because so many women are overweight and dress conservatively, maybe men have this bigger need to go see women with nice bodies (although I am sure there are strippers with bad bodies, but the majority is very hot and fit). It's also a puritan mentality, that the woman at home must be pure and "nice" while the women for pleasure should be naughty. I honestly ask myself if these strip club regulars would like to see their women working the stage there.

 

Although I agree with you all that couples need to disagree and have different interests, I am not so sure doing something that makes them sad and anxious is a good thing. If my partner wants to play golf with his buddies and I don't like golf, maybe I should find something else to do and let him have his time off. But I would not feel good knowing he was in a strip club and I wouldn't be able to touch him when he came back. I would feel disgusted by him, and that is what many women feel after their men has watched P too without them. Just read the many many complaints about that.

 

I do like to go to a bar by myself and instantly get male attention. It is a good ego booster. But I know my fiance gets upset if I do that so I stopped. Why uspet him?

 

So Beec, your GF seems to accept what you do and that's what matters. Others would seek revenge or leave you. So she is special and you should keep her. I am not so sure how YOU feel knowing she is upset, but maybe the thrill of seeing other T&A is more important than any guilty feelings you might have. So if it works for both of you that is excellent. it doesn't work for all couples though.

 

So a woman really has to stop and think if she can live with a guy who needs this sort of recreation. Nothing worse than staying with someone you resent over and over.

 

Have you had a lap dance in these places Beec? Don't you think it's quite like cheating, having another woman on top of you, feeling her body, her smell?

[Beec]

I am not so sure how YOU feel knowing she is upset, but maybe the thrill of seeing other T&A is more important than any guilty feelings you might have. So if it works for both of you that is excellent. it doesn't work for all couples though.

 

Have you had a lap dance in these places Beec? Don't you think it's quite like cheating, having another woman on top of you, feeling her body, her smell?

 

Well, she is pretty special. I plan on keeping her, but not for the reasons you think.

 

So, on one of the few guy weekends I have in a year, which is easily counted on one hand and with fingers left over, I am likely to be in s trip club. This is once or twice a year. Saying I "need" this entertainment is like saying because I might get drunk that often makes me an alcoholic.

 

This is something I have done with some of my best friends for years, about once or twice a year. I walk by strip club more days than not and another is within a block of my office. I have not been in either in the last year. I did go to one, for the second time in a year, in March. It's not like I am off to see strippers very often. So, I don't think one can say I "need" this kind of recreation.

 

The question here is all about one's insecurities. I did not like one of my exes going to a masseur fairly regularly. But I did not stop her from going. To what extent do I say to my best friends, hey guys, my woman does not like me seeing strippers, so well I can't anymore. Well, not in this lifetime. I don't seek to control, and I won't be controlled.

 

Is it cheating? Not really. Is it purient? Sure. But you need to see that it is not at all intimate. There is no intimacy, there never will be any. And there is not going to be any sex. It is really not more cheating than me intently watching some woman's rear as she walks down the street and staring at it. Find me a guy who doesn't do that, and I will show you a guy who does not like women.

[hockeyboy]

I would feel disgusted by him

 

thats fine, so dont be with him.

 

your partner has the right to do as he wishes and you have the right to choose whether or not to be with him, but to say that one persons lifestyle is wrong just because it does not accommodate to your world is ludacris.

 

and yes...getting a massage is a lot more intimate then most strip clubs...so perhaps those shoud be out of the question as well?

 

relationships are not about controlling eachother but rather loving and accepting eachother for who they are as individuals.

[Luciana]

"relationships are not about controlling eachother but rather loving and accepting eachother for who they are as individuals"

 

 

This is one of those idealistic sentences like " You have to let God inside you".....

Relationships between men and women are riddled with conflicts and that's why so much divorce, self help websites like this and therapists.

Anything that makes you unconfortable is a source of conflict.

 

Why do some men believe that because the strippers flirt and smile at them that they are turned on my them? That these women reallly like them...They like the green stuff in your wallet!

 

Beec, you are not even married yet. What will happen when your wife gets old and wrinkly and sex gets boring, will you vist the creatures of the night more often?

 

Anyhow, you are ok. Your GF accepts it even though she doesn't like it. She is able to greet you the same night or the next say with a nice atttitude. So all is well.

 

The problem is when something bothers you and creates resentment. Like the guy on the Trust Part of the Forum whose GF is going to Paris with a female friend instead of him. Not a big deal, right? Many people woulnd't care. But it is bothering him. Otherwise he wouldn't be in this forum.

 

We have to respect other people's feelings. Lovely Lady is not happy about this. No matter how you guys shove it down her throat that she has to be forgiving and sit at home dwindling her fingers and then greet him with a big smile, that's not how she is feeling.

 

People have to find people with similar mindframes. Otherwise there is just pain and suffering and abuse and resentment.

 

Couples who are more similar are happier, this has been proved by many psychologists.

 

So men going to strip clubs may not be all right for me, my mother, my sister in law, my friends, but it is all right for many others. Just find one who accepts it. Nobody should be forced to accept something that creates pain. Women don't have to accpet things that makes them upset just to please or keep their man.

[Luciana]

BTW, I have had several massage sessions in my life, but always with women therapists. Strictly cosmetic and relaxation massages.

 

If I had a male masseuse, I am sure my BF wouldn't be pleased. And I would respect that.

 

 

 

 

"Prayer: stop talking to yourself"

"In reason we Trust"

"Darwin loves me"

[lovely lady]

Thank you all for your opinions. I do not agree with most of them as I strongly feel that a man that watches adult entertainment while in a relationship is cheating on his partner. BUT that is not why I am here. I wanted to let you all know that my boyfriend has decided to honour my feelings and will not be going to that part of the party.

 

There was never a trust issue here just a respect one. I am not saying that he should do everything I ask of him, that would be a very boring relationship, I am saying that if your partner gives you a valid reason why not to do something you should respect them enough to give up what they are asking you to give up. I have given up many things that he is uncomfortable with and I expect him to give up things that are important to me. Remember that when you are in a relationship you are in it with someone else. If you are not willing to bend sometimes you might as well be in a relationship with ourself. So to the guy who is older than everyone else in forum,

 

I'm probably older than you. I go about once a year or less to anything with strippers, but I do go. Does my woman like it too? NO. Does she like that I go? No. But I am going to go, as I have been infrequently for years, with some of my odlest and best friends. It's somethign we do when we get together.

 

Being older doesn't always make you wiser.

[Luciana]

"To what extent do I say to my best friends, hey guys, my woman does not like me seeing strippers, so well I can't anymore. Well, not in this lifetime"

 

 

This explains a lot of the problem. PEER PRESSURE. The macho culture in this country makes a guy be scared to death what their male friends will think of them. They are so homophobic they think their mates will think they are "p**y"-whipped" or gay. This is incredible, and I thought it was just a young guy problem.

 

They are more scared of what their male friends think then of what the most important woman in their lives think!! Hooray!

I am sure the guys in question, if they grew past their Peter Pan stages, would ultimately respect a man who stands up for himself and his woman.

 

Many guys who need male approval from his buddies have hidden homossexual feelings (not saying you are one Beec, but there are cases).

 

At least women have peer pressure to look slim and dress fashionably but not to cheat on their mates....

[hockeyboy]

BUT that is not why I am here. I wanted to let you all know that my boyfriend has decided to honour my feelings and will not be going to that part of the party.

 

thats good, but wheres he going to go instead? hopefully just home with you for your sake. ive seen guys get complained to by their gf and then in the end they decided its just easier to lie to her. hope thats not the case here.

[Beec]

The problem is when something bothers you and creates resentment. Like the guy on the Trust Part of the Forum whose GF is going to Paris with a female friend instead of him. Not a big deal, right? Many people woulnd't care. But it is bothering him. Otherwise he wouldn't be in this forum.

 

I think what bothers him is his wife saying, thinking and acting like she is going to have SEX with another woman. There is some thought of this, and that can bother anyone. It would bother me.

 

I am very careful. I know of many women who I find physically attractive. If there were no consequences, I'd be ready to have sex all over the place with women of various ethnicities, backgrounds, shapes, sizes, etc. I have a healthy amount of animal lust in me. But there are consequences to sex.

 

There are also consequences if I let my woman know I have that lust directed towards any other woman, especially one that does not look like her (and very few do). How is my tall, fair woman going to like it, when she sees my drooling after a small, curvy latina? I don't it will make her feel very secure.

 

But how many women have I dated who swoon or fan themselves over some celebrity. My most recent ex regualrly did it over George Clooney, who I look nothign like. At the same time, she appreciated never catching me looking at some other woman. Do you see something ironic here, because I do? And almost every woman I know does this.

 

The simple fact is I have seen more women while in the company of their men talk about how hot some other guy is. What is the difference between that and me going to where I will be seeing some other women? To me little. We are both demonstrating some lust, while mine is known and unseen, hers was both seen and known. We go, see it and keep our mouths shut about it, and if you don't you should. Women? Well, few do that.

 

Is it that the women we see are naked that makes the difference?

 

Are men just supposed to accept it and feel more secure?

[DN]

Well expressed Beec - you have highlighted a double standard. The answer will probably come back "because the strippers are naked" which misses the point altogether.

[Luciana]

"why dont you try showing a bit of respect and class? ive met strippers with both, why can't you?"

 

I am sure there are. Although if they really did they would be working as secretaries during the day and taking night courses to improve their marketability, not making men cheat on their women.

 

Anyhow, I am glad for Lovely Lady.

 

See Hockeyboy, not every man thinks like you.

Thank god.

[Cecelius]

Are men just supposed to accept it and feel more secure?

 

Thread-Jack:

 

This might be a rhetorical question, but I think the answer is yes. Many times my g/f has expressed jealousy over one thing or another, but on a couple of occasions where I pointed out something that was not appropriate, I had to get passed an "insecure" comment or two, till I shut that down.

 

A lot of people permit themselves insecurities that they would never tolerate in their mates.

[CarrieB123]

I wanted to let you all know that my boyfriend has decided to honour my feelings and will not be going to that part of the party

 

Poor Guy

[hockeyboy]

I am sure there are. Although if they really did they would be working as secretaries during the day and taking night courses to improve their marketability, not making men cheat on their women.

 

ignorance again. how do the MAKE men cheat on their women? explain that to me. Do they go and tie them up and force them to do things? not sure, but i havent seen that happen. im sure all secretaries are perfect people though. actually a lot of strippers are in school, thats how they pay for it because they aren't fortunate enough to come from a wealthy family and that kind of job pays good money.

 

and no, not all men think like me, but not all men are men. and just because you succeed in taking things away from your man does not strengthen a relationship. you talked about resentment before and how going to the strip club creates it...well...a controlling women does the same thing!