The experience of being dumped by the one we loved.

[Giblesp]

3 years back, I was dumped by the woman I loved. I rarely pray, but that night I walked into a park and prayed that I have another chance with her.

 

Recently I made another prayer; I thanked the universe/god, etc that she was no longer in my life. That I was free of it. Genuinely, I am very, very grateful to not have this woman as my partner. Even though I have difficulties in my life, I am grateful for the blessings I have had. And parting ways with her was one of the biggest blessings I had.

 

Not just from the perspective that I no longer have to put up wih her nonsense, but what I've learned about myself and what I'm looking for.

 

We weren't a good match, for the simple reason that we broke up.

 

There was no point in us getting back together again, as we'd just break up again. I enjoyed my time with her and I'm grateful for the break up, that was just as big a blessing. It gives me much happiness to not have to put up with the destructive tendencies of an otherwise lovely person. I can also face my own destructive tendencies in peace.

 

Thats not to say that I have any resentment towards her, or any bad feelings.

 

 

So what I'm saying is, if you've recently broke up with someone you're probably spending the larger part of your day wanting to be with them again. Missing them so much that you can't eat or sleep. Its like being ill, like someone's died.

 

Id encourage you to be daring, and see the blessing that life has given you. You might not see it today, but work on yourself and eventually its going to come. How much of that pain that you are facing, is actually your issues, and nothing to do with her/him? Take a walk and a step back. Recognize that you have a new freedom in your life, that wasn't there before. New perspective, and life lesson.

 

There is such a gift in a break up. It can be a gift and a powerful tool for self transformation.

[blueowl32]

Very positive attitude to viewing a very painful experience.

Thanks for sharing.

[HeartGoesOn]

Well said!

[reinventmyself]

Loved your post. . .

Perfect timing because I wrote a letter to an ex the other day, only to delete.

I never intended on sending it but it was more of an exercise, much like yours at forgiveness and being grateful for the way the universe works.

 

I didn't have the guts to end it, but he did. For that I am thankful because I would have stayed longer and the ending would have been worse.

 

Ultimately it put me in a better place. I hope it did for him as well.

Of course we don't see it at the time, but I've had more than enough experience to have faith that things work out the way they are supposed to.

[Sweet Sue]

Thank you for sharing your story. There is a country song, "Thank God for unanswered prayers". I am in that place that you once were three years ago. In fact, I have been in that place several times. I was about to marry my high school sweetheart. I really never had much dating experience, so I was reluctant and broke things off. I regretted it two weeks later. I cried alot and I prayed that he would one day come back to me. I thought about him everyday, even when I married someone else, I still couldn't get him out of my mind. I felt like I had made a big mistake. Two years after breaking up, he married a girl that I knew from high school. Now, over 40 years later, I see them on fb and she sent me a friend request (he didn't), and I accepted. I follow her posts and I see how happy they are together and that they have so much more in common than we ever did! I have always wanted to tell him that I am glad he married the girl that he did, because I wasn't the right girl for him and he wasn't the right man for me.....

Those of us going through breakups are living in the moment. We don't see the bigger picture. I am happy for them and don't regret for one moment the time we spent together.

I agree with reinventmyself, that things do have a way of working out the way they are supposed to. We just have to be patient.

[Rustysuit]

Problem is no one will ever be perfect for you. Every relationship will have its up and downs and what you see as red flags with this one will most likely happen again with your next relationship. Thing is, maybe you will work on those issues and won't break up, but that's not to say that every break up is a blessing, because it isn't. Sometimes it is, mostly when it's an abusive relationship, but you can learn and grow while inside a relationship. You can work on it and make it work no matter what if the 2 people love each other.

 

The blessing you speak of is the hope for a better day, but I ask why do we have to keep suffering for months, sometimes years waiting for it, enduring this pain. It sucks. It's unfair and it doesn't make sense. I get it. Sometimes it doesn't work out and we have to deal with it, but to call this a blessing is ludicrous. This is just another random painful event we have to endure until we don't have to do it anymore. And what's to come will be most likely more of the same, because it's out of our control. No matter what you do, what self growth you put yourself through. No matter what you fix, what you do right or do wrong, if the next person is wrong for you, it won't work out. Again.

Will it be another blessing then?

 

Why can't we just find "the one" who is right for us already?

Why do we have to keep suffering like this?

What amount of self-growth and "focusing on yourself" do we need to do?

How many filters and layers of protection we need to put up and then strip down to finally get it right?

 

Anyway, my point is: this amount of pain can be no blessing. It's just another crap life throws at you. And you either deal with it and move forward or you don't and you slowly rot. I don't know, I'd rather not be going through this again and even though I know I'll be ultimately fine, I can tell you I was perfectly fine before the relationship as well. I was happy and fine before her and I was fine and happy with her. Now I'm sad and broken and I doubt I'll be happier than I was, I'll just return to normal with a couple more lessons learned.

 

I don't want to go through this "blessing" again. At all. And if it's such a good experience why do we try and avoid it all costs?

[reinventmyself]

 

I don't want to go through this "blessing" again. At all. And if it's such a good experience why do we try and avoid it all costs?

 

Good example of someone else's experience. Well said.

 

I had a tiny epiphany some time ago while contemplating the `right one'

 

I thought of a couple I know who are married and were high school sweethearts. They are blissfully happy with over decades behind them, 2 grown sons and one new grandbaby.

They are both very positive people by nature. They see the good in everything.

 

My take away in that moment was - it's not always about finding the `right person' It has more to do with being `the right person'

 

That takes us full circle back to working on self growth and self improvement. . At least that's I get out of it.

[Giblesp]

 

 

My take away in that moment was - it's not always about finding the `right person' It has more to do with being `the right person'

 

That takes us full circle back to working on self growth and self improvement. . At least that's I get out of it.

 

I'd agree. If we're not at peace with ourselves, we're not going to be at peace in a relationship.

[LoonyToon]

Yeah it's not a blessing and it's kind of a way to mask your true feelings of pain.

 

Let's just call it a blessing and look at it in a positive way. Do it 365 times a year and yeah of course you will make yourself be a part of make-believe game that everything is fine and dandy.

[Pto29538]

I agree. Those that call it a blessing are those who happen to have found someone they consider they now have a better relationship with so with hindsight they look back and call it a blessing . However that doesn’t happen for everyone and there are no guarantees that there is someone better out there waiting for any of us . Obviously if it was an abusive or a relationship where both individuals were really unhappy then I would classify it as a blessing. The pain of heartbreak is an endurance test and a test of resilience not a blessing .