Being the awkward person who knows...

[Jooop]

Hey there, thank you for reading.

 

The reason I am writing is that I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

One of my best friends is in a relationship with a nice, pretty, down to earth girl. My friend and I are both in the air force, however, his girlfriend is a civilian that lives at the other end of the country. I've met her a few times, and I get on well with her, but I wouldn't consider her a close friend or anything.

 

I know he has cheated on his girlfriend multiple times. Some are random tinder hook-ups, whereas other times he can be actually seeing another girl for a while.

 

When he does I do remind him that it's not really fair on his girlfriend, and ask him how he would think she'd feel if she found out. His response was basically, "What she doesn't know can't hurt her." I then asked how he'd feel if she was cheating on him, with as many guys as girls he'd cheated on her with. He sorta stumbled, and admitted that he thinks he's bi-polar, and/or dealing with depression. I called him out and told him that it's bull, and that if he's feeling that low he should speak to someone and that he doesn't realise what he has already and is screwing up. He claims to love her, but can he when cheats on her that much?

 

When I've been cheated on myself and have been on the receiving end of finding out, I know what she'd be going through. And if I was her, I'd definitely want to know.

 

 

The thing is when she does come to visit, we tend to hang out together, and it has my stomach in knots because I end up feeling guilty myself even though I haven't done anything wrong. He'll ask me not to bring up any girls he's been hanging out with.

 

I don't really want to stick my nose in and tell her, as then I'd lose my friend. However, from an outsider's perspective, it's easy to see that this isn't fair on her whatsoever. However, she may also be cheating on him. I have absolutely no idea.

 

What should I do? Just stay quiet or do something else? Thank you for any responses.

[ThatwasThen]

If he's depressed and/or with bi-polar then you should be putting your nose in there and getting him to see someone instead of worrying about his moral compass or whether or not someone you barely know should be made aware of his lack of one.

 

He's in the air force and that's not a good place to be suffering mental illness (not that there is a good place). He could be putting himself and his fellow air men in danger. No?

[Jooop]

If he's depressed and/or with bi-polar then you should be putting your nose in there and getting him to see someone instead of worrying about his moral compass or whether or not someone you barely know should be made aware of his lack of one.

 

He's in the air force and that's not a good place to be suffering mental illness (not that there is a good place). He could be putting himself and his fellow air men in danger. No?

 

I did take him to see someone and that's getting sorted as far as I'm aware. So what do I say when he's telling me about his latest conquest?

[thealchemist]

I refuse to hang out with people and their SOs who turn around and cheat on that SO.

 

Girl at work likes my wife and wants to hang out a lot with us and she actively cheats on her husband. I told her that I am not a dishonest person and if she wants to hang out with my wife and myself with her and her husband I will eventually slip up and say something because I'm not one for bullsh*t excuses.

 

Suprise, surprise, I don't have to deal with that issue anymore.

[ThatwasThen]

I did take him to see someone and that's getting sorted as far as I'm aware. So what do I say when he's telling me about his latest conquest?

 

That you're not interested in hearing about his BS. (said firmly and concisely)

[willdation]

He will eventually get caught so don't worry about it....

 

My coworker was telling me about this girl he is cheating with. He was saying he would go out together with her husband and when her husband would go to the washroom she would grab his ass and they would makeout. They work in the same building and every lunch would go to his place during lunch to have sex. Last week his girlfriend decided to go home for lunch and caught them just as they were leaving....completely busted

 

So it will just be a matter of time....

[journeynow]

The thing is when she does come to visit, we tend to hang out together, and it has my stomach in knots

 

I would not hang out together with them. You've probably got better things to do, right? He doesn't realize how his behavior affects others. It affects you, it will affect her. You've let him know your thoughts, and you don't have to say anything more, but you don't have to hear about, or be witness to, his fooling around or deception. Can you stick to doing things with him that align with your values?

[EtrnalOptimist]

Ever since the Harvey Weinstein case came out, and in showbusiness and political circles throughout the world, the focus is now just as much on those who turned a blind eye to others' wrong-doing.

 

Not suggesting you tell her, but if you hang out with her knowing what you know you are complicit and make no mistake.

[nutbrownhare]

Just tell him that while who he does or doesn't hook up with is HIS business, you're getting increasingly uncomfortable with hearing about his latest conquests and even more so when you're required to cover up for him when his official girlfriend's there. Tell him you don't want to hear about it any more, and don't want to go out together when she's there.

 

Bottom line is - it's not your business, and he is being very unfair in implicating you in it.