Will he regret this?

[Babyaln]

Will he regret this?

 

One week ago, my ex dumped me after two years. Towards the end of the relationship, he started distancing himself from me and realized he wanted to sort out his life which is a mess. He feels he no longer wants a relationship right now. I cried very hard and begged. I’ve now initiated NC although he owes me money (and knows it). Throughout our relationship, I was so devoted to him. I stood by his side through even the worst of times and was 100% loyal. I would cook for him and give him little surprises/love notes occasionally. I’m a college grad too with my own place & car. We even talked about moving in and marrying each other someday. It just hurts to see him up and leave. His brother thinks he is making a huge mistake and that I am the best thing to happen to him. I just feel like there was nothing else I could have done to be better girlfriend aside from the arguments we had every now and then. He just wants to focus on him right now & getting his life back on track. I am also positive he is not seeing anybody else. Do you think he will regret this? Again, I am on NC now. I tried to speak to him during the first week following the BU. But now, I am totally backing off.

[Elavohra]

He may or he may not! None of your business now. You better now feel the pain, cry, eat, stay in bed.. Feel every inch of this pain, but keep moving forward. Oh yeah! Don't forget to learn from this.

Stick to NC. You will be emotionally challenged at times, but don't break the NC. Let him sort out his life and let's see what he'll become the president or the prime minister.

[A23]

My boyfriend of 3 years did this too and with similar reasons.... he's now focusing on his career and he said the break up does not involve any other girls hence I'm certain he isn't seeing anyone either.. I've been doing NC as well and his family also told him it's such a waste. I'm still going to wait for him to sort out his thought... guys tend to do this when they're lost. Even though I've heard that if the guy is worth it, he will not run.

 

Big hugs, I hope your guy will see the light soon.

[MissCanuck]

It's hard to say if he'll regret it or not. What exactly does he need to fix in his life?

 

Being a great partner sadly does not guarantee the other will feel the same way about you. It's also unfortunately not relevant what his brother thinks, as he isn't in his mind and cannot speak for him.

 

The only thing you can do is start taking care of you now.

 

 

EDIT: I just read your previous thread. Yes, his life seems a mess. I am not sure what you when you said he lost his license because he is "irresponsible" but it sounds as though he has problems that you cannot fix, and he apparently wants to go through it on his own. It hurts, but people don't always want our support.

[willdation]

So basically his life was a mess, he didn't own a house (I'm assuming) and probably his ego was hurt and demasculated when comparing himself to you as you.. The reality is that men crave to feel like they can support their partner and need to feel like they are needed....I bet this is why he now wants to work on himself. For a man to be able to give in a relationship, he needs to feel like he is taking care of business so to speak.... So I would just let him try and figure things out....I don't think he would be able to feel comfortable in a relationship until he gets his life sorted out...

 

 

Now here is the thing....to feel great and happy, it isn't about the end goal...but taking the small steps towards reaching it. So, perhaps once he has a plan and is actually making progress he will start to feel happy again and will be able to continue in a relationship...

 

I think that most won't really get what I was just saying, but I think it is really common for men....

[No1]

Its natural to want our Xs to regret their decision to leave us. As Elevorha said.. maybe he will or maybe he wont. At this point you shouldnt care because it doesnt matter. He chose his path and he has to live knowing he let you go. He could very well kick himself for the rest of his life or he could find the girl of his dreams tomorrow. No matter what happens, it shouldnt affect your life.

You are a great GF, a wonderful partner and there is a guy out there who is going to be so so lucky to find someone like you. It not your loss, it is your Xs.

[Rustysuit]

So basically his life was a mess, he didn't own a house (I'm assuming) and probably his ego was hurt and demasculated when comparing himself to you as you.. The reality is that men crave to feel like they can support their partner and need to feel like they are needed....I bet this is why he now wants to work on himself. For a man to be able to give in a relationship, he needs to feel like he is taking care of business so to speak.... So I would just let him try and figure things out....I don't think he would be able to feel comfortable in a relationship until he gets his life sorted out...

 

 

Now here is the thing....to feel great and happy, it isn't about the end goal...but taking the small steps towards reaching it. So, perhaps once he has a plan and is actually making progress he will start to feel happy again and will be able to continue in a relationship...

 

I think that most won't really get what I was just saying, but I think it is really common for men....

 

This is kinda true, but it can go several ways.

 

Either:

a) the man gets depressed and feels like less of a man and ends the relationship because he doesn't feel right and deserved to be loved. Like "how can she like me? She must be lying!";

b) we can get too emotionally dependent and needy (our lives aren't great so we rely a bit too much on our partners to fill the void our lives have;

c) we can be a normal human being and realize ups and downs happen and recognize the person we're with is supposed to stick with us through thick and thin.

 

I can see any number of these situations happen and although I can kinda understand leaving a partner in order to get the life back on track, it seems kinda counter productive. How is losing someone you love and loves you back a good thing for your life? It all comes down to self-esteem and confidence issues. I get it. We men need to feel like we're not a waste or losers (thanks society). We need to have good jobs and provide everything needed. This thing about women only wanting to date successful, ambitious, rich men doesn't help either. I'm guilty of this. I'm a cashier atm and I feel more than worthless. Like "who'd ever want to date a cashier?". I have some projects on the side, but they don't give me any money (I'm a writer. cliché, broke writer). It's just a passion for me and it's very fulfilling, but it doesn't really matter for my self esteem because it doesn't pay and I can't do a number of interesting things or go out on dates very often. Not that I'm unhappy with my current job, but somehow I feel if I had a career and a higher paying job I'd be more attractive to women. (again, self esteem issues).

 

I wouldn't run from a girl I love in order to feel worthy of her though, but everyone is different.

 

As for the OP, it's possible the guy lost some feelings and doesn't quite know how to react to that. Add to the depression and you being more successful than him and he's probably going crazy inside his own head. Just a theory though.

[Babyaln]

He’s been depressed in the past and he cried before saying he felt “stuck.” I called a few days ago and he was so mad. He said he is an “angry person.”

[No1]

He doesnt need a GF, he needs therapy.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not trying to downplay your feelings. but as to him owing you money, how much are we talking about? If it's a small amount I'd cut my losses, yet if it's a large amount, hopefully you have something in writing, and can go pursue this further.

 

Either way, he may or may not regret the breakup, but that's his cross to bear.