Feeling Depressed

[stargirl456]

I currently feel terrible about my life. College is getting harder and im feeling more and more unmotivated. Im not doing myself a favor by stalking my ex. Its almost going to be a month since we last talked. I hate seeing that he seems to be moving on and could care less about what we had. He joined a fraternity, hes going out all the time, his life seems so much better without me in it. For some weird reason my brain keeps thinking that theres hope when he has explicitly told me to move on and has blocked me from all social medias and phone number. I know its my fault for being sad and not putting myself out there but I just dont feel motivated to do anything. I hate how he doesnt care, he was my best friend, the one i went to for everything. Because I focused too much of my time on just him , I lost my friends and they all moved to different colleges so im basically on my own. I dont know what to do to stop feeling this way.

[Birdy989]

Hey, I feel for you. I'm currently trying to move on from a split after a LTR and the split got messy (hence my own post for help on this site) I had been chasing after a guy who told me categorically he didn't want me anymore. My head said "move on, don't waste a minute of your life on someone who doesn't value you" but my heart wouldn't catch up and I couldn't believe he meant it after everything we had. It meant I was there hanging on for him to mess me around and hurt me even more. It hurts like hell when someone chooses to live their life without you in It, and there really is nothing you can do that will change that.And it kills you when You see they've moved on and are enjoying life, and you're stuck and miserable. Take back your life. It WILL get better. You have to mourn what you lost but remember you are still living and have so much life ahead of you, there is no way that this guy was the best one you were going to meet! There will be many others out there who could be right for you. You need to get out of your comfort zone, join some new clubs and meet new people, not ones who were joint friends with your ex- take up new activities and keep busy. STOP the stalking because it makes you feel worse, and doesn't have any effect on the ex, who just carries on living his life. I know because I have made this mistake several times in the last couple of months. Nothing good ever comes of it, you always feel worse. I'm not over my ex and have a lot of grieving to do too. Time WILL heal us both and we will look back and wonder why we spent so much of our time and energy worrying about these guys who are NOT worth it!

[Everlong13]

I hear ya. I'm almost three months in an still completely dejected, even though logically I know I deserve better. Time is helping a little bit. I've also found some podcasts that are helping: Love, Happiness and Success; Dating Den; Breakup boost.

I also challenged myself a couple of weeks ago to not look at his twitter etc before I go on holiday next week and am going to treat myself to some nice make up at the airport. It might be worth incentivising?

[loip9114]

All you are feeling sounds perfectly natural to my ears. It's normal to lose motivation, it is normal that your mind is starting to hope for your ex returning.

All these things you are feeling are part of the grieving process. Because frankly we need to grief a lose and humans always have the pattern for that. You never go in a straight line, but that's fine. Remember there are ups and downs.

 

The best thing you can do is to stop looking him up, really create this 'ex-free' bubble/zone for yourself. As I saw it you have this whole pile of feelings and hurt you have to go through, all in the inbox. And before you can take up anything new the inbox must be empty. But every time you go to his social media and see new stuff, that's get put on top of the inbox. And that stuff gets there faster than you can process the things. You are doing yourself a huge favour by not looking him up.

Also do remember it's social media, almost nobody posts ' I feel like sh*t' on social media. It's all smoke and mirrors, all facades.

 

Also hoping is not a bad thing, it may give you a bit of relief from time to time. It's as much a feeling you have to go through as the sadness, anger and love that you feel. Best you can do is just let it be there. Let the feelings flow through, and write it down or get it out. Any way you can. Another thing, moving on is a process. It is done with the first step of deciding to do it. After that you can start it, but don't beat yourself up if have decided it yesterday and are not over it now. This can take weeks, months and even years. The longer the relationship, the deeper it went, the more you gave of yourself for it, and many more factors determine how long it will be.

 

As for being unmotivated, depression can be horrible and this might feel similar. Luckily, we do still feel. An easy way to keep track and keep yourself going is a journal. Everyday you write down 2 things you've done that day. Can be anything, can be like 'I played guitar' and 'I studied a bit'. At least 2 things, if you can write down more that's fine. If you keep doing this, you will see that you are alright and you can still do stuff.

 

 

and yes, just post here as well We'll read it.

[stargirl456]

Thank you so much for taking your time and writing back to me. I appreciate this so much.

[stargirl456]

Thank you so much for replying, it makes me feel a bit better that im not alone. I feel like ive been opening up to people who dont care and give me advice that doesnt work such as "just stop thinking about him". If only it was that easy. Thank you for putting your time in replying to me. I have hope that things will get better!

[loip9114]

Thank you so much for replying, it makes me feel a bit better that im not alone. I feel like ive been opening up to people who dont care and give me advice that doesnt work such as "just stop thinking about him". If only it was that easy. Thank you for putting your time in replying to me. I have hope that things will get better!

 

No problem I hope you get something from it. Advice is nice, but the most important part of it is that it applies to you and your situation. Everybody is different, therefore some advice might work for one, but not for someone else. Some might say start dating asap, others might say (me personally) take your time.

Only you know what is best for you. And that's the most important thing I can tell you, be a bit selfish now. Your mind most likely will go to your ex, but you are the most important thing right now.

 

I agree 'just stop thinking about him' or ' move on' are advices which have a sort of truth, but if only it were that easy. I described it kind of like this. So right now, in the physical world the ex has no more space. So physically they are not there anymore, first off we need to come to terms with that. They truly aren't there anymore. Well the second one is, they are no longer there physically, so why are they still there? Well mentally they are, you're ex is still there in your mind, mentally and psychological still there.

This is no problem, reallity is physical. Reality can shift in mere seconds, things can be gone without warning in minutes or so. And they are no longer there physically, but mentally that's where they can linger.

The strongest traces of our past are mentally. And these also take time to weakenen. But they do eventually.

 

Stay strong, keep moving, because that's the best way to beat depression and to move away mentally.

[bwhite00]

Lamictal literally saved my life.

[android123]

U need to do exactly what he's doing. Living it up, or at least pretending to. In the end, he'll be the one feeling guilty and will recognize how much of an ass he is.

The best revenge a dumpee can demonstrate is to simply improve their life as much as possible, preferably have a more successful life than ur ex. Not by means of partying and men, those type of people are always left feeling trashy and used. There's nothing impressive about that. By success I mean reach your goals, create a more fulfilling life without that jerk.