Jaydunno Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 Maybe you hav read my previous thread. But Here it is: 7 years together, she has broken up multiple times. Been together since she was 16 and I was 17. We have gotten back together maybe because I always stay around and fight for us. but please read previous article. Anyways, we have been back since last breakup for more than a year. Alot of things have changed and they're all good changes and also, A lot of things have happened in her life. Graduated college, found a 9-5 job(good pay), saving for a new car, also saving to move out (with me). Technically, she is adulting ( I would say this might be another stage in her life) She lives with her parents, no responsibilities or bills and now things are changing for her. She seems to be overwhelmed, her job is stressing her out and the fact that now she works mon-fri and gets out to go to the gym with me and by the time she's done technically the day is over. I feel like that alone is already affecting her since she has never done that before. She has been acting weird for the past 2 weeks. And I knew something major was coming and I was right. She texted me and told me that she was not ready, that she feels like i give 100% and she doesn't. Also, she is not sure if she wants to move in with me because she wants independence. She feels like I am always there and I am always pushing her and helping her and she is always consulting me as oppose to her doing her own things. She is very confused because she said that everything has changed and some things have gotten boring between us. (which is somewhat true) I have been saving to move out, she works now so the only real time we have is the weekends. She was not sure if moving in was a great idea anymore because she is very scared that one day she will want to leave and we have our lives together. She does not handle pressure very well. She always jumps into conclusions which lead to irrational decisions like this one and she feels like she needs tim to figure out and think what she really wants. Once again I gave in and told her it's ok. (I guess is because I understand her) in a way that we been together so long and she's never had freedom and I mean in a way that she never had to make hard decisions alone without me being there. I told her I wont force her and I want her to be happy. She can have her time and to think hard about what she wants and to make sure she is doing this as a way to make sure she is 100% sure this time. She asked me for a break, she's confused and to just let her be for now. I left and she hugged me as we cried and we kissed multiple times and kept hugging. It was hard because she loves me but she's a confusing soul in so many ways that it hurts to see her that way. I want to be able to make her happy and reach that level of happiness but I don't think it's me anymore. She has so many internal issues which I embrace because noone is perfect and I love her. Before she would straight up break up with me but now she says that she needs time. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE! I saw her at the gym today btw(I ignored her) but she said hi and came up to me and hugged me and started telling me about her ty day at work. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 She texted me and told me that she was not ready, that she feels like i give 100% and she doesn't. Also, she is not sure if she wants to move in with me because she wants independence. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE! LISTEN TO HER. She is far short of 100%. She loves you, but she does not want to be in this relationship anymore, and it's going to be hard for both of you. She can have her time and to think hard about what she wants and to make sure she is doing this as a way to make sure she is 100% sure this time. I think you need to consider the fact that "her time" may last her entire life, and that this is the end of your time together Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 I have listened to her. I respect it and I appreciate the honesty. I'm not controlling her or texting or calling. I love her enough to get her reasons. Like I said she has many issues that internally she has to fix. Like never being happy or content even when I try my hardest to make her happy. I'm mentally preparing myself to expect a simple "NO" from her soon... But after 7 years... I'm devastated as if this was the first break up. I love her but I know the time might be wrong because we were kids. HOwever, I lived a different life which lead me to be mature and I know she's now maturnig more and becoming a grown woman. Im just lost Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I know how hard it is. I'm sorry. Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 Is there any chance here? Idk what to do other than to let her be.. Link to comment
Giblesp Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 The unfortunate truth is that she has already broken up with you multiple times. Break up/make up is a form of abuse which though perhaps not intentional, has already caused you alot of distress. The question is, when are you going to say no more to this? Each time a dumper comes back and then breaks up, it becomes easier for them to do. She will actually lose respect for you, for not having the self respect to stand up and say 'no more.' And then another man will come into the picture, if that hasn't already happened. When a woman says she wants space, you tell her to look you up if she changes her mind and then you go NC forever. Youtube Corey Wayne, this will help you. Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 I understand everything you said. I comprehend that 100% and I know that I have lost respect even if it is unintentional. Idk I feel like so many years with her have made me soft. I love her alot . she;s all I have since I don't really have family and that really hurts me Link to comment
KantSleep Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Hello. You wrote a very eloquent post. I feel your pain. It sounds like you are the together one in the relationship. Honestly, I would let her go. You deserve better, and this back and forth with her is not pretty or helping your emotional well-being. The fact that she wanted to share her day with you (at the gym) means she is using you to serve her emotional needs. You should not accept this. You have your own needs to be concerned about. I would go NC with her, join another gym, and give yourself time to heal. I am sure she is a lovely lady, and has many positive attributes, but I think after all these years, she needs to find herself. Who knows if down the road you two will meet again, but I wouldn't count or bank on it. I would move on and find a lady that is totally into you and wants the same things you do. Don't fritter your good years away. Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 oh man! you are telling me everything that I don't want to hear but know it's the right thing to do. I just don't want to let her go. She is amazing and she is what I want but it's so hard when she can't seem to find herself.. I can only do so much but seems like she aways find flaws as if she was scared of herself to be able to move on.. Link to comment
piya Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 oh man! you are telling me everything that I don't want to hear but know it's the right thing to do. I just don't want to let her go. She is amazing and she is what I want but it's so hard when she can't seem to find herself.. I can only do so much but seems like she aways find flaws as if she was scared of herself to be able to move on.. Hey I know how you feel honestly right now I'm also going through a break and it's hard but I'm gonna give him time to see cause this is the first time for us to have a break and he said to the end of the semester so I'm gonna give him a chance he could be overwhelmed with college and stuff but I also hear that it's a breakup and blah blah I mean it's really your decision to make since you love her and she is nice but if she is been doing that a lot then maybe you really need to sit down and think. If you want to give her a chance or not. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Unfortunately, it sounds like she outgrew this relationship a while ago and has been hanging on to it for the wrong reasons: comfort, complacency, fear of the unknown. But a relationship that involves multiple break-ups is not a relationship that is meant to last. She now knows that she just cannot commit to you. You two have been together since you were quite young. Surely you have both changed and grown over the years, and what worked as teens is no longer working as adults. It sounds like this will be the opportune time to finally let go. It will be much more rewarding for you to find a woman who is all in, and wants the same things you do and wouldn't dream of risking it all by ending it - again. Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 That's my main issue though. Everything we planned and are doing we both want. We both like the same things and have the same goals. It's the fact that she has moments were she questions everything and I mean everything. Like for instance she's the one that kept asking when was I going to propose or she always would be like oh " can't wait to move in". Not sure if it's a matter of her not wanting the same things but more like she is always doubting herself and the ability to be happy... Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 That's my main issue though. Everything we planned and are doing we both want. We both like the same things and have the same goals. It's the fact that she has moments were she questions everything and I mean everything. Like for instance she's the one that kept asking when was I going to propose or she always would be like oh " can't wait to move in". Not sure if it's a matter of her not wanting the same things but more like she is always doubting herself and the ability to be happy... And that is exactly the problem: she questions if she wants to achieve those goals with you. If she truly wanted what you want (a future together ) she wouldn't be having all these moments of doubt and your relationship wouldn't be punctuated by break-ups. That's what I meant that it's far better to be with someone who wants those future things with you. This woman is still very young and likely lacks much dating experience outside of your relationship. She sounds as though she likes the idea of moving in and getting engaged and whatnot, but she knows deep-down that she isn't ready to commit to you forever. I was once her, right around the same age. My then-boyfriend was a good man and we'd spent 5 nice years together, but I knew in my heart he wasn't the guy I would spend the rest of my life with. I tried to convince myself it was a phase and that my feelings for him would return to what they were when we started dating as teenagers, but it just didn't happen. Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 I totally understand. I'm very sad and devastated honestly. My birthday is In 2 weeks. Shes technicaly the only family i have and its tough because evry holiday and birthday it's always with her and her family. I am a bit calm because in the back of my head it hasn't hit me. The reason for this I believe is because this time she said she needs time and a break to think it over as oppose to before that straight went for the breakup. However, I'm not stupid and I know this might also mean it's over but still the hope is there and I don't want it. I also got better when I saw her yesterday and she hugged me and spoke to me about her day kind of made me feel like she's just really deciding what to do not throwing this away Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 I know it's hard. It's sad when you realize that someone just isn't into it the same way you are. This latest request for space is simply more evidence of the bigger problem of her not being invested. Why did you break up before, and how many times has that happened? Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 Ultimately, to be totally honest it always ended up with her. Her insecurities, her inability to he mentally stable. The fact that in very break up she says how she doesn't deserve and how she can't be content. Not so much with the relationship but in general with everything. Stress and things like school and bigger things in life seem to have a pattern. It's always around major overwhelming situations is when she does this. She doubts herself , she doubts everything and her love as well. Trust me she is great and she tried her hardest for me and I see it but sometimes I felt like she needed help like someone to guide her. She has alot of emotions that simply stop her or make her feel bad about things in life. As if she feels like she won't get there by herself and starts saying how she depends on me too much... Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 The big problem with her behaviour here is that life is stressful. She is going to encounter much bigger challenges in the years ahead, we all do, so what would she do then? Run away? That's not exactly an option when one is married or has children to answer to. She chooses not to work with you as an ally in dealing with her difficulties. Someone who is always wanting to be alone in facing their problems does not make a very good or reliable partner, as you're seeing. Her instinct is to cut herself off from you rather than turn to you as a soft place to fall or come together as a team. That doesn't bode well for a solid relationship. She might indeed be a good person, but evidently, she's not the right one for you. Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 I know, I know. It really hurts tight now, I'm confused and my head is in denial because she said "time" "break" this time. I know that's the only reason I'm not panicing but sooner or later I will. Once she ultimately says no and this is over.. or delete our pictures from social media Link to comment
Jaydunno Posted October 17, 2017 Author Share Posted October 17, 2017 I understand she's very unstable emotionally and I stuck through it all because I love her and believe in her. Maybe I should have helped her better, seek out professional help for her. Idk someone to help her overcome these things since she only has me to talk to as she calls me her bestfriend . Link to comment
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