My Partner Talks To People I'm Trying to Stop Talking To

[catsol]

So over the past year I've dropped a few friends after finally gaining the courage to end those toxic relationships. MY old friends all know my partner so it's been hard but i un-added the friends on all social media and i thought that was the end.

 

Throughout this friend break up period, I noticed they'd leave for a while(friends), and then try to talk to me again at school and texting. I didn't really think much about the pattern.

 

Notably, during this period,I took a break from social media and recently saw after checking back on Instagram that they (my partner) has my old friends on all on their accounts, interacting with the three people I'd been trying to get off my back, commenting as if I hadn't been struggling to get rid of these people. And yes, my partner is aware of me trying to rid myself of these people. Knowing these people, they (friends) were keeping in contact with my partner to stay in my life and it just made it easier for those people when my partner engaged in friendly conversation with them.

 

I would talk to my partner about how I am feeling, however they had just brought up to me how they felt i was always upset with them for something, which is very true and it is something i've been working on (managing my feelings and maintaining a healthy balance between bottling up and venting 24/7). But it still bothers me because it seems like they are disregarding my extreme efforts not to talk to these people and not be around them. I don't know if they don't realize that it makes my part harder.

 

Is it wrong for me to not wanting my partner to talk to any of those people? How would i Bring this up to my partner without making it seem like another thing i'm being upset with them for? Am I being too irrational and should i not bring it up at all? Feedback much appreciated

[DanZee]

There is a couple of issues here. First of all, yes, it is wrong for you to try to control who your partner talks to. I'm sure they're mature enough to make their own decisions about that. Secondly, when you said you cut some people out of your social media, that's absolutely fine. But if you're actually ignoring them at school as if they don't even exist, that's pretty rude. At least say hi to them and acknowledge them. There's no need to act stuck up especially when they're right in front of you.

[ThatwasThen]

I dunno... I think i'd be kind of hurt if my partner was actively socializing with people that had been giving me a hard time or showing me that they didn't actually value me. Your partner isn't, IMO showing very good loyalty. All that being said of course, only if they were actually giving you a hard time and not being good friends and it wasn't just your own thin skin.

 

Does your partner think you are justified in keeping them out of your life, Catsol? If you haven't discussed his/her point of view then maybe that question is a good place to start. (?)

[catsol]

There is a couple of issues here. First of all, yes, it is wrong for you to try to control who your partner talks to. I'm sure they're mature enough to make their own decisions about that. Secondly, when you said you cut some people out of your social media, that's absolutely fine. But if you're actually ignoring them at school as if they don't even exist, that's pretty rude. At least say hi to them and acknowledge them. There's no need to act stuck up especially when they're right in front of you.

 

Yes i am aware it would be rude, but these people all have manipulative qualities where if you talk to them or say hi to them they find a way back into your life. Plus, they did some truly messed up things to me and continue to follow the same patterns as before.

[catsol]

I am hurt and i love my partner but i wish they'd realize the trouble it causes me. And yes they are the one who helped me gain the courage to get rid of these toxic relationships once i told them about it so i'd assume they support it and believe i am justified, but maybe asking would be a good idea especially to bring it up. Thank you

[nutbrownhare]

My partner has a few friends who I really can't stand... I always say I have no problem with him seeing them, as long as I don't have to!

 

You can relate to people without getting sucked into their games; by all means say 'Hi' if you bump into them around the place, but you don't have to say anything much else. If your partner tries to give you updates, listen politely then forget all about it!