Maybe I am fooling myself?

[simon_uk]

Well i have been thinking a lot about my relationship and I have had some interesting if not sickening thoughts. I am trying to blame this break up on the fact that I did not commit to my girl soon enough. But maybe I am fooling myslef, maybe she has just fallen out of love with me. I mean she did say I love you but I am not in love with you, that the spark had gone. It is more than likely due to the fact that I took things for granted, she just got tired of it and she stopped loving me. So now I feel like I am back at step one of the break up. I feel so lost and lonely. If somebody can just give up then that makes me think it wasn't really true love at all. If peopel are not prepared to accept people the way they are, then do they really love that person? I am at my wits end trying to fathom things and over analyze. I would do anything to save my relationship with this girl, she obviously wont. Some people forgive their SO's for cheating and physical abuse, why wont my ex forgive me for being lazy and taking things for granted now and again??? It is so hard to accept. Can this love come back?

[sisterlynch]

I think that is the biggest draw back in a relationship, when the other person is failing to mature at a normal pace. You should look into changing your environment to create a need to grow. Don't worry about the one that got away, worry about the others that you have not met yet.

[CarterJonas]

I was in your shoes a year ago and tell you it does get better.

 

My ex. never contacted me neither and I can tell you that as time passes you start to 'see' the true person they are. Believe me in 3 to 6 months time you will feel so much better and will want to have nothing to do with your ex.

 

goodluck

[simon_uk]

Well to be honest the way i feel at the moment, I think in 3 months I will still be oining over the ex. I Love her so much and really want to fight for her to prove my love. But perhaps I am wasting my time if she doesnt love me???

 

Simon

[CarterJonas]

Have you talked to her since you split? If so what did she say/do?

[simon_uk]

yes I have talked to her one week after the split, it was an up and down converation reallly. Laughing, crying, shouting. I told her that I wanted to be with her that I wanted to marry her etc, I had planned on giving her an engagement ring for her 30th next week, She was expecting one at Christmas because she overheeard me talking to my jeweller friend about it. She said she was devestated when she didnt get it.It is probably since then that she started falling out of love or at least started having no faith. I told her that I had planned for her 30th to be really special and she started quizing me about the ring etc. But then a bit later she said i was too late. I left her alone for another week, then sent a text asking how she was, she replied quite pleasently calling me honey and said she was just getting over things. I replied but nohng back. That was two weeks tomorrow. On Thursday gone I dropped her a letter off at her mums, explaining my actions and my feelings. I have heard nothing so.......................the last conversation we had she said she loved me but wasnt IN love with me because the spark had gone. I want to fight but dont want to push her away. She said she wanted to be friends as I am her best friend but when I said that would be difficult for me, she said, god I even have to beg for your friendship. So what can I do?????

[lady00]

The thing is...there's no way for you to know what's going on inside her head unless she chooses to tell you. What you can do is try your best to stop thinking about her and focus on yourself and what you can do to make yourself feel better about this. Telling yourself how you would treat her if she were w/you is probably not going to make you feel any better about the situation because she isn't around. What you should do is remind yourself that making a relationship work takes two people and unless you abused her then making a relationship fail also took actions by the both of you. Don't blame yourself. That won't help you right now. Instead think about what you have learned and remember it but also forgive yourself. You did the best you could with the knowledge and understanding that you had at the time. We all hopefully improve our relationship skills with time and you will too. Don't dwell on past mistakes. Chances are your ex is much further along in forgiving you than you are in forgiving yourself. Bottom line: We all screw up sometimes, give yourself a break and let it go. Forgive yourself.

[simon_uk]

Thats just the thing though! I cant forgive myself for losing this girl that I wanted to spend my life with. How can I forgive myself for that?

[CarterJonas]

I think all you can do at the moment is give her some space. Maybe a few weeks of no contact and she will realise what she has done. I don't think there is anything more you can do at the moment.

[Spirits Away]

I have no intention to sew anything together. But just want to, hopefully, pinpoint something for your future reference.

 

This relationship must have been slow paced to begin with that you did not develop intense love for her. It turned out that she doubted you. Her emotional pace seems to have developed quicker than yours. I'm sure you like her, but just didn't have enough time to develop that love (that's when you feel as though you're taking her for granted). I think in her perception, you didn't treat her the way she feels a guy who is in love, should treat her. High hope drop to the bottom. And now even the spark is shattered while she's fell. It's not your fault. And yeah, i know... you love her.

 

I don't think it's "not treating her right" that made her want to leave the relationship.

I think your case is "not making her feel loved"

[BillyJean714]

~Spirits Away~ is completely right! Are you sure that you truly wanted to marry her, or was it the thought of losing her that really brought you to want to get engaged?

It is more than likely due to the fact that I took things for granted, she just got tired of it and she stopped loving me.

This is highly probable.

 

After 4 years that my ex were together, last year on and off, 2 years later after our break-up, he decides to ask me, "If I ask you to marry me, would you?" My answer: NO. Why? He took me for granted. Women can only handle so much heartache, you know?

 

Sometimes, I just feel that it's about time for me to cut my hair, go butch, and turn into a lesbian. But, even lesbians cheat on each other! It's hopeless. Is this human nature or something? Can't we all meet eye to eye with each other? Why is there always some kind of uneven balance in relationships. Guy falls in love with girl, chases her down, wins her over, she loves him back, then he takes her for granted. Girl is heartbroken, guy comes back, and now all of the chemistry is long gone! Why is this so?

 

God, I might just as well put on a vail and join a convent! I'm tired of all this. Thanks for the venting. -But really, hang in there. This is just all a learning lesson for all of us. Take care...~Billy

[simon_uk]

Yes I would have married her had we not split up. Yes I am also slow on the uptake but I dont think nearly two years is a long time to wait, seeing as she had only just left her husband three months before we met and I had had my heart smashed into a million pieces 4 months before that. I wanted to take my time, I admit, I wanted to make sure everything was right and I wanted to protect my heart and mine and her futures. She obviously has trouble being realistic about things. Maybe you are supposed to know within months of meeting somebody that this is the person you want to be with forever, maybe it is me who has got things wrong and always will have. Maybe I should have just got on with it and not worry about us breaking up. The girl in question also lives 30 miles from me, no big deal you say, well yes it is because the only job she will do is in her hometown. She wont get a proper job because she doesnt like working. She couldnt come live with me because she wouldnt take her driving test because she is scared of driving. So me being realistic about things in my opinion is one of the reasons for dragging my feet.

 

Truthfully, I love her more than anything and would marry her tomorrow, realistically that isnt going to happen because she got pi55ed with me for not acting on my intentions. Bummer? Yes!