anonomous87 Posted October 14, 2017 Share Posted October 14, 2017 I'm 30 years old and recently ended a two year relationship with my now ex girlfriend. It wasn't a clear cut decision and I'm now struggling to establish whether or not I've made the right decision or a big mistake. I have had a number of serious relationships in my life and I have never got on with any of them as well as I got on with my ex girlfriend. However, in the same token, I have never argued with another as much as we argued. We met at work two years ago. It took us about 6 months to full commit to the relationship. She had a previously relationship with a colleague, plus was still in contact with an ex, so it was a slow start! During the relationship I definitely fell in love with her, but I'm not sure it was the deep love I'd imagine feeling for a future wife. Whenever I said "I love you" I felt as though I could mean it more deeply. We work together. We go to the same gym. I have my own flat and she stayed at mine 4 or 5 nights a week. I felt a little bit smothered. However, now I don't have her - I miss her a lot. During the relationship I often wondered whether she was "the one". She's at a stage in her life where she wants marriage and children relatively soon. I also felt a little bit pressured and didn't have the burning feeling to commit to marrying and having children with her. I never felt like I had found "the one". At the same time, I did love her and we had a strong relationship. We liked the same things, had the same interests. I never got bored of her company. She went to Australia for work for two months and I didn't feel I missed her as much as I should. She would call me twice a day and want to talk on the phone for hours. If I wanted to go after about an hour she would get upset. She was lonely and isolated over there, with no friends - so I understand why she needed to talk to me so often, but it meant I didn't miss her as much as I think I should have. About two months ago we had an argument and I decided to end the relationship. We had been arguing a fair bit and I saw it as an opportunity to get out of the relationship. At first I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulder, but after a couple of weeks I started to miss her dearly and question my decision. We work together, in the same office, so everyday I am reminded of her. We thankfully aren't in the same team, but we sat very close to each other. She now really doesn't like me, as she thinks I have given her false hope of getting back to together. I have been questioning my decision a bit and she knows I have doubts. I'm now questioning whether I would feel something is missing with any girlfriend. I think I have loved deeper before, but that was my first love when I was 18 and I don't think that really carries the same weighting as an adult relationship? She's a very attractive and fun girl. She loved me deeply and I don't know clear cut why I ended it. I thought it was better not to waste her time, as I had an underlying feeling we wouldn't get married and I know that's something she wants soon. I know I now need to go no contact and let her get on with her life now. She already dating other people. In particular there is one guy she's been on a couple of dates with. We're going to go no contact to allow her to properly move on. Can't help but questioning my decision. Such a nice, attractive, popular women who loved me very much! Yet, it wasn't enough? Maybe the chemistry wasn't there for a long term partnership. I just needed to write down my thoughts and get any advice. I'm in a bit of a dark place at the moment. Working with her is slightly torturous. I'm in a good position at a great company, so I would be a foul to leave because of this. Thanks for listening. Link to comment
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