Feelings of shame and depression

[Skylarker]

I'm a first poster on here and I'm desperate for advice/reassurance. I have just got back from a few days abroad for my friends wedding with my partner and children. On the last night (not the wedding night) me and my partner got so drunk we ended up having a an argument in which I ended up getting physically aggressive towards him. I was running around like some sort of woman possessed getting everyone involved that was with the wedding party. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed to the point were I feel depressed. I have spoken to my friend since getting back and she has said that it's all been forgotten about but I just cannot stop beating myself up. I rarely ever drink but I ended up getting very drunk nearly every night we were there but all the other nights we had a good time apart from the last night. Im afraid everyone will think I'm some sort of raging alcoholic that drinks in front of my kids all the time when that couldn't be any further from the truth! I was very anxious before the holiday about lots of people being there who I don't know as I suffer with mild social anxiety. So I feel the fact that I drank so much every day was to give me confidence. It's been nearly a week and I can't stop going over and over it in my head. What I shouldn't have done, how I couldve reacted better, what my children think of me! It's absolute torture in my mind and I can't cope with it. I don't even know why I'm posting here or what I'm going to get from it but I feel I need advice from people who do not know me as I don't think I could bring myself to tell anyone I'm that ashamed. Please help!

[Jibralta]

Im afraid everyone will think I'm some sort of raging alcoholic that drinks in front of my kids all the time when that couldn't be any further from the truth!

 

Nobody got hurt, right? So, relax a little bit. The torture in your mind is the only price you have to pay, and that will subside with a little time.

 

Who cares if some strangers are judging you? Are they perfect? I doubt it.

 

The people who really know you, know the kind of person that you really are. This one incident probably won't change that, though they may be amused by it. Your friend has already forgiven you.

 

What about your partner? Has everything been smoothed over?

[Skylarker]

Nobody got hurt, right? So, relax a little bit. The torture in your mind is the only price you have to pay, and that will subside with a little time.

 

Who cares if some strangers are judging you? Are they perfect? I doubt it.

 

The people who really know you, know the kind of person that you really are. This one incident probably won't change that, though they may be amused by it. Your friend has already forgiven you.

 

What about your partner? Has everything been smoothed over?

 

Yes we've smoothed it over. He feels just as ashamed as I do because he started the argument in front of everyone. I know the only people that matter are the ones who know me and know that I'm not like that but I just can't seem to get it out of my head.

[charity]

I mean, I'd be more worried if you were not ashamed and embarrassed to be honest.

I think if your behaviour was as bad as you say then you are having a very normal and deserved reaction. Your reaction is actually a sign that you have learned a lesson and feel true regret.

How to get over it? Just promise yourself that you will never put yourself in that position again. Make a plan for what you will do differently the next time you are in such a situation. Know that you are NOW a better person, having grown from that experience. As for your uncomfortable feeling....you might have to live with it for awhile but you will get past it in time.