My life is now a mess.

[cmg1990]

I'm 27 years old, been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I have met his brothers and uncles. Long distance for 6 months of the year, he lives in another country which I then visit and stay for 6 months. When we first got together he would say things like maybe one day we will get married, and try to show me example of how our cultures can actually be together (he is Muslim I am not so I was dubious about being with him at first) afyer all his efforts i fell in love with him... hard. He was perfect in almost every way, he doesnt ask for money, he spend all his money with me, he takes me out he offers to give me money if I'm low on cash at home, even though he doesnt have a good job or alot of money, he's like my best friend, we told eachother everything. He comes to me when he needs support and I go to him when I need. During the 6 months we are not together we speak everyday all day, from the minute we wake up til we fall asleep. And I mean everyday. He told me his family wouldn't allow him to be with me after a year of being together. I tried to cut contact but he crawled back into my life..i have tried so many times to cut contact but he finds ways and means of getting back in. After all his effort with this I decided to continue seeing him. I do love him very much. This year, I fell pregnant unexpectedly. I was on birth control but for some reason it's happened. He told me he didn't want the baby because he wasn't 'ready' even though he is 30 but told me the decision is mine, and I should do what I feel I want to do. He always talked about children and he's really good with them. This made me suspicious. One day a profile came up on my social media account with a woman's name and a picture of 3 young boys. One of which looks exactly like my boyfriend. I asked him about it and he said they are his nephews. Ive asked him maybe a million times if he's married over the years and he said no. Told me how can I talk to you so much in winter if I'm married and why would i? Anyway my mum did some digging and messaged someone on social media and turns out he is married. He tried to deny it still but then eventually I had cold hard evidence. He couldn't deny it anymore. He's been married since he was 15 years old, marriage was arranged by his family. I hate him for this. He's apologised so much , told me he didn't know what love was at 15 and didn't mean to fall in love with me. At first he thought it was just going to be a bit of fun. Then he said he fell in love and couldn't stop himself from seeing me. He was scared to tell me cos he didn't want to lose me. I understand in their culture divorce isn't really acceptable, I also understand he has 3 kids and can't leave them. He's still staying with me, he's bought me gifts since and tried to do everything he can to make me smile again. But I'm in such a mess. A guy I genuinely thought I'd be with has a second life. And I want to keep my baby, I thought about abortion but I can't go through with it. I know i should cut all contact but I also try to understand he was forced to marry and maybe he Is unhappy at home but feels trapped. He doesn't agree with alot of things in his culture, we've had long conversations about it before. I feel like an idiot and I feel like my life is over. Why is he still trying with me. We don't have sex anymore. I go home in 4 days back to my city. And I'm really struggling and worried I'm gonna fall into a deep depression.

[melancholy123]

What a mess. You need to dump this guy, go home, dont look back. Dont talk to him. He isnt going to leave his wife and kids. It's not alright to do so in their culture. Unfortunately you got conned. Time to accept this guy is a liar and played you for a fool. It's a shame you ended up pregnant. Perhaps you can give the baby up for adoption, would you consider that? If you feel you need therapy please get some,

[Jibralta]

I know i should cut all contact but I also try to understand he was forced to marry and maybe he Is unhappy at home but feels trapped. He doesn't agree with alot of things in his culture, we've had long conversations about it before.

 

Not your problem. He's a grown man; it's on him to sort that out.

 

Don't forget that he tricked you and lied to you and his wife for FIVE YEARS. It takes a certain kind of slimeball to do that.

 

He's only upset because he was caught.

 

If you don't take him back he'll go out and find another gullible girl to string along.

 

Run, block, hide. Don't fall into his influence again.

 

Good luck.