I miss my friend.

[Kevyn]

Sometime toward the end of November, this guy that I have worked with for five years asks me out to dinner. Now, like I said, we have worked together, but are now in differnt departements, which is perfectly ok. What makes this interesting is that we have had some confilcts, so I was shocked that he asked.

At the end of the dinner, I am told "I like you and want to continue hanging out with you, but I'm not into the 'relationship thing'." So we hung out a few times. Now, he has a nine-year-old daughter that he sees every other weekend, so I've always been very careful not to have any contact with him while he is with her. Like I said, we have had conflicts, and I was perfectly content with just working on a friendship with him.

Things were going pretty well. I was treating him like I do any of my friends. Not aggressive, not pushing anything. Then, about a month ago, he turned 30 the same week that one of his friends died. Yes, he was struggling with the fact that he was turning 30. The reason I state that those two events occurred is because since then, he's been distant. I don't know if those two events have anything to do with the distance, but it's part of the time frame.

I have decided that if he cannot confide in me what is bothering him, that I cannot push him. So I've backed off. This is painful for me because we were becoming good friends. And I miss my friend. But I think in order to keep my sanity, I have to keep my distance. What do you think?

[Celadon]

Kevyn, he sounds very dear to you. I'm sorry to hear he lost his friend, and that he's become distant.

 

I think it's fine to keep your distance. He could be re-evaluating his life. But I don't think it would be too out of line for you to send him an e-card (or real one) just to say "hey" - you know, something funny and light.

 

But the tricky thing is, do you like him as more than a friend? Because if so, you know he already told you he didn't want to have a relationship, and I would be careful to invest my heart in someone who has already said that upfront. But if you're really okay with being friends, then there's nothing wrong with your gently checking in with him, and give him a safe place to talk about things if he wants to. Maybe you can take him out to drinks sometime.