Hookup, is this normal??

[December123]

**Legal age here - 16**

I'm 18 and he's 23

Ok so I met this guy at this dance/disco/rave thing.

He invited me to a party 2 weeks later.

I met him 1 hour before the party, went to his flat, cuddled him and hinted to touching him and took my jeans off when he left the room (in hindsight maybe that was a bit strange), he didn't respond positively to any of this, he didn't seem happy when I was cuddling him so I stopped and he was just confused about the jeans. I found that very odd. I mean why was I even invited? He even said "I can sleep on the couch if you want" but it didn't sound like a 2nd option, it sounded like that was what he wanted.

Soo now I'm extremely confused, I thought this guy invited me over for sex- I mean random guy and random girl at a party, come on! yet he's not responding to my advances AND he doesn't seem to want to share a bed. I kept thinking, "What's going on??" I literally began to think I was just invited to bring the numbers up at the party.

The party was great. He introduced me to ppl and we had fun.

We come back to his place, lay down for aggessss, he was being so awkward and nervous, I felt like I was 16 again, when I kissed him he changed instantly, starts acting all passionate and touching me (he asked first) like what? I just found the contrast between "completely disinterested" and "Sex crazed maniac" a bit overwhelming. I really wanted to have sex with him but tbh it I was just insulted that he pretty much rejected me before and now he wants it so I said no.

Whenever I've been in similar situations with other guys, they would jump at the chance whenever I made even a slight move on them.

 

1.) Is he just nervous?

2.) Was it cuz he hadn't drank anything before the party?

3.) Did he maybe think I was taking it too seriously wanting to do things before the party?

[Pleasedonot5]

He sounds nervous and awkward - or maybe he had different intentions than you did.

 

I think the whole "evening the score" on who rejected whom is silly and immature.

[December123]

That's definitely not what I'm trying to do. I literally just made the question to settle things in my mind and understand it from his perspective.

[Pleasedonot5]

No offense intended -- I was merely saying I think you wanting sex and then saying "no" when he wanted it later struck me as silly.

 

I had a recent situation where an attractive girl and I were flirting, and then (over text) she went in over the top with no prior build-up (e.g. "why aren't we f**** right now?"). Classy. I didn't like that she thought she could get in my pants right away - at least take me to dinner first lmao.

 

I'm not sure how applicable that is to your situation, because in mine I knew the girl as my friend previously. This is a guy you met at a party - so sounds like it was going to end up as a hook-up, but hey, maybe he had romantic/friendly intentions. Or maybe he was conflicted in the same way I was when that girl sent me the booty call text. Or maybe he was nervous/inexperienced. Again, it's hard to tell - but I hope that helps.

[December123]

I'm not rrly a hookup person, it's just an occasional thing to me so I am very picky, also picky with relationships. I've had guys rejecting me then wanting me in the past and it's always just really angered and upset me, I just think "You had your chance", they lead me on this emotional roller coaster of "Despair from rejection" then "happiness from actually being liked"

Maybe it was kinda similar to that, I mean we literally met once before and I was trying to do things, but I feel like we could have at least cuddled and touched.

Maybe but he only texted me 1 week after we met and we only rrly spoke about arrangements for the party.

I guess he could have been but that strikes me as strange since he's 23 and in univeristy, but tbh that seems right cuz he was acting so nervous.

[Pleasedonot5]

I am also picky so I understand. I also understand the feeling of anger/disappointment that one gets from feeling rejected sexually. What I've learned though is that especially in these first hookups you are having with a person, the interest is likely high in both parties, so any rejection you feel might be you projecting. I understand wanting to have "the power" but you have to be careful because especially in the beginning, if someone is going to be your hookup, and you guys don't hookup, that will dissipate fast.

 

Looks like the nervousness is what makes the most sense to you. There are a variety of things that could cause it: inexperience, insecurity, his level of guilt, the amount of time since he's had sex, etc. If that's the case he probably psyched himself up for it after you tried, and then you rejected his advances.

[December123]

I kinda knew he wanted to have sex, it was mainly just anger at him for rejecting me, I mean when I took my jeans off and he came back into the room and literally said "Did you take ur jeans off?!?? If ur more comfortable that's ok, don't feel bad" I just felt awful. I mean tbh I don't think we'll ever meet again, if all he wants is sex I'm sure he could easily find another girl who would have sex with him- no matter how many times he rejects her. Yeah that's true but personally, I'm more into dominant, confident guys, that kinda take over. He seemed like that when we first met