You are not alone, oh yes I am... :(

[snomys78]

Hi there

 

I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago, really painful for me, not just how it ended, but facing the future ahead alone.

 

When I say Im alone, I truly am. Im 38 y/o, male, Greenwich, London, my parents have passed away, no brothers and sisters, nor aunts or uncles. No children.

 

I had some friends, but we lost contact during my relationship with my ex, 6 years in total, now I emailed some friends, from way back, but not getting any replies for a couple of weeks, maybe its all change on their side.

 

Id like to make some friends, I dont mind travelling to meet you from time to time, and Id be happy to buy you a drink, coffee whatever and hear how you are doing.

 

I work as software developer mon-fri, so its helping to take my mind off of my break up, I guess keeping me sane, but each weekend, I feel really lonely, I focus on studying and trying to keep busy, but I just wish I had a good friend/good friends to maybe meet up grab a bite to eat and chat.

 

I dont have much confidence just approaching people, randomly, and I know I can try and join some groups, in meetup etc, Ill probably do that, but Im exploring all avenues right now, hence my post here.

 

Would be happy to hear from any one of you, regardless of gender, sexual preferences(as looking for friends), religion whatever.

 

What can I offer in return, a good, loyal, sincere friendship, someone you can rely on, who will never judge you, and be there for you no matter what.

 

Hope someone will reply...

 

Best,

[ListerChick]

I think meetup.com is a great idea, especially in London - there are bound to be lots of different groups that will interest you.

 

Look up classes/activities that interest you, they're great places to meet like-minded people.

 

Best of luck.

[catfeeder]

Consider working with a counselor, lifecoach, therapist, clergy, support group--someone who will keep you accountable and motivated to create incremental goals and to celebrate every small baby step toward meeting them.

 

This isn't about plunging your life into a complete overhaul overnight, but consider that if your relationship kept you isolated from friendships, then you were already isolated--and that likely contributed to the demise of the relationship.

 

No single lover or friend can be another's 'everything'. We need to weave certain needs and desires and strengths into the limitations of different KINDS of relationships. So meeting a friend who might be good for, say, golf or tennis, but who is otherwise lousy at conversation, still meets your needs in one area, while a friend who loves to partner in home repair projects but doesn't share your politics meets other needs, and a good confidant may never want to attend a party or a group event with you.

 

So reserve this:

What can I offer in return, a good, loyal, sincere friendship, someone you can rely on, who will never judge you, and be there for you no matter what.

as a goal for eventuality with the right friend who EARNS that degree of intimacy and loyalty over t.i.m.e., but not as your primary focus at this moment. Keep your trust meter set to a neutral 5 and allow people to show you through exposure whether they are worthy of investing more trust or less. Otherwise, you'll come off as too heavy a commitment for healthy people who are already invested in their own lives--and you'll attract instead flakes, predators and opportunists who will sense your loneliness and come on strong only to disappoint you.

 

Offer instead basic companionship to those you meet through shared activities, volunteer work, your local gym, library, civic group, place of worship (you can attend functions or services as a social contributor rather than a full investor in any given religion,) community events, night or weekend classes, clubs, hobbies--anything that gets you out and away from an isolated habit of living in your head.

 

I've found it helpful during breakup grief to offer my services to people, and I'm up front about it. I've said to coworkers things like, "I live in an apartment, but this time of year really inspires me to rake leaves and do yard cleanups. Can you or anyone you know use some help this weekend?" I'll help a neighbor wash a car or clean out a garage, or I'll go to the local shelter and walk dogs or play with cats.

 

There is nothing that makes me feel more valued than helping someone with an accomplishment, and I find that the most important and pivotal time for me to do this kind of stuff is when I LEAST FEEL LIKE it. It forces me to project my focus outward to help someone else feel good during a time when I can least feel all that great myself.

 

Head high, and write more if it helps.

[Itlife]

I know how you feel. Sometimes I wake up feeling like going somewhere and then realize I have nowhere to go and no one to hangout with. I can't tell you how many times I have planned to hang out with one of my friends just for them to bail on me. Then, I don't have a backup friend, but I just wasted gas driving to where we were supposed to meet and I don't feel like going home so I hangout by myself. So I completely understand. My advice would be to go some place where you can meet people. I started going to smoke shops to have light conversation with strangers. You could go to coffee shops or anywhere else where people hangout and aren't just in and out of the place. It's also good that you feel your job can help take your mind off of things. My job makes me feel really lonely because I work late shift a lot and I am literally the only employee in the entire building.