Love or lust?

[Monalisa1]

Hi everyone! I’m sorry if this is long. But I think it’s pretty interesting

 

So I have a situation of me and a guy that I was dating. This month we started to rekindle after a very bad breakup three months ago. We’ve been friends for about a year, but became lovers 9 months ago. & 5 months ago, I got pregnant, and even though he wasn’t ready for one. He didn’t want it and before you think anything. It was the hardest thing to do. And I got an abortion because the doctor told me it was a high risk pregnancy & i had formed cancerous cells due to the pregnancy. But he doesn’t know that, he just knew I went with the procedure because it was “mutual”.

 

Anyway, a week later we had the biggest argument, we were yelling, cussing and after that night. I basically just let it go, I didn’t act like an crazy ex and showed up to his house, call or text. I simply let it go and forced myself to never communicate with him again and move on.. But it’s like no matter what i did, I couldn’t open up to anyone. All I wanted was still him. I’m not saying this because I’m this conceited person. But I’m very beautiful. After the break up, It was a time where I had dates every weekend with many successful men and sometimes I crashed two dates in one day. And yet they never interested me. I was low key in love with someone else that I just couldn’t move on from.... as days went by I eventually stopped with the dates, and focused on myself. Studied extra hard for class, got promoted at work. I changed my hair, my body is more fit and tight and I completely look better than I was before.

 

After that big fight, I never thought we’d speak again. EVER! Until one day he texts me out of nowhere, three months later. Tried to strike a convo, later tells me he misses me and he’s sorry.. And my dumb butt went to see him two weeks later and we had sex. I’m sorry if this is too much information, but when he first went in and knew how tight I was, his eyes glowed. I’m guessing he thought I would’ve slept with someone since but I was never that type of girl. & he kissed me with passion everywhere. I feel like our bond got stronger after that break. We both seen each others bad crazy side and now we’re great when we’re next to each other. But our communication still lacks and that’s what scares me. (I know I’m stupid but it was still unprotected & I’m thinking.. does this guy not care if I get pregnant again?) anyway! I seen him again this week and when we had sex this time, he gazed in my eyes like he loved me. He wouldn’t take his eyes off me. The picture of him pops up in my mind, I will never forget it. Our eyes locked, it suddenly felt like time just stopped and it was just me and him feeding into one another’s soul. Am I mistaken? I don’t want to mislead myself. I never experienced these type of scenarios before. After all the crap we went through, Did this man realized he loves me? Or is this just lust. Thinking about this, and after having sex with him. I feel like I got my closure. And I’m okay with moving on with my life now if this isn’t going to go anywhere. This is the part where I say I know my worth and if he’s not going to make an effort and make us official. I have to keep it moving to someone that does see something with me. I am dating now but nothing physical the way I am with him. But if it comes to me having to end this, I’ll have to seriously let go and move on to someone that appreciates me.

 

What do you guys think? Also with the lover boy...

[Ziggy123]

I wouldn't take him having sex and apparently gazing at you lovingly to mean much... guys just love sex and exes often come back for the sex. It doesn't mean he loves you or wants to get back together. If he did then he would say so...

[Monalisa1]

I wouldn't take him having sex and apparently gazing at you lovingly to mean much... guys just love sex and exes often come back for the sex. It doesn't mean he loves you or wants to get back together. If he did then he would say so...

 

 

You’re right. I just needed some clarity... thank you.

[Ziggy123]

If you're not sure where you stand just ask him

[Monalisa1]

I know... pride has always been my biggest enemy. I’m use to just letting things go and moving on. But you’re right. I’ll have to say something sooner or later before I end up getting hurt again lol

[rosephase]

(I know I’m stupid but it was still unprotected & I’m thinking.. does this guy not care if I get pregnant again?)

 

Don't you care if you get pregnant again?

 

Has it occurred to you that you might not feel very much like dating because you had an abortion and then your crappy partner had a giant fight with you? Maybe you didn't feel the spark with anyone else because you are recovering from terrible treatment and emotional pain?

 

Why would you choose to have unprotected sex with this man? Why would you risk getting pregnant?

[Monalisa1]

Don't you care if you get pregnant again?

 

Has it occurred to you that you might not feel very much like dating because you had an abortion and then your crappy partner had a giant fight with you? Maybe you didn't feel the spark with anyone else because you are recovering from terrible treatment and emotional pain?

 

Why would you choose to have unprotected sex with this man? Why would you risk getting pregnant?

 

I know, I’m stupid. Sometimes we all do dumb when we’re in the moment. I been thinking about it this whole time trust me. why I did this or why I did that but I can’t change what happened just what I will do from here. Sometimes it takes strangers instead to tell me how stupid I am to know the truth. It’s just hard letting go of someone you really thought was for you.

[rosephase]

I know, I’m stupid. Sometimes we all do dumb when we’re in the moment. I been thinking about it this whole time trust me. why I did this or why I did that but I can’t change what happened just what I will do from here. Sometimes it takes strangers instead to tell me how stupid I am to know the truth. It’s just hard letting go of someone you really thought was for you.

 

Stop calling yourself stupid. That is super not useful.

 

But holy h*ll. Get on birth control if you can't be trusted not to have unprotected sex.

 

This guy isn't for you. He's a jerk. You know who has unprotected sex with someone who just aborted his baby that he didn't want her to have? a jerk.

[Monalisa1]

Stop calling yourself stupid. That is super not useful.

 

But holy h*ll. Get on birth control if you can't be trusted not to have unprotected sex.

 

This guy isn't for you. He's a jerk. You know who has unprotected sex with someone who just aborted his baby that he didn't want her to have? a jerk.

 

Lol you’re right! Thank you. I feel a lot more better with that comment. I’ll seriously start being on birth control... I can’t go through that again. He isn’t for me, he was just one of those “fun” moments. But again, thank you for taking the time in talking to me and hearing my story.

[rosephase]

Lol you’re right! Thank you. I feel a lot more better with that comment. I’ll seriously start being on birth control... I can’t go through that again. He isn’t for me, he was just one of those “fun” moments. But again, thank you for taking the time in talking to me and hearing my story.

 

Hang in there. And be kind to yourself. Loving and respecting yourself will make finding someone who loves and respects you a lot easier.

[eidetic]

Put a little more responsibility on this character. The next time you start falling into sex with him, STOP AND ASK HIM IF HE HAS A CONDOM.

 

If he says no or gives you crap, WALK OR SHOW HIM THE DOOR.

 

This is your body being used. This is also your physical brain doing a number on your emotions and attraction responses. Once the relationship hormones and neurotransmitters kick in, you will lose your grasp on good judgment. The brain wants the body to feel good, so the body is going to go for it, and your mind will make up any reason to make it ok in the moment. ASK FOR HIS CONDOM.

 

If this joker doesn't want babies, IT'S UP TO HIM TO SHEATHE HIS SEED. If he doesn't want to or isn't prepared to or gives you lip about it, be strong for yourself and your own body and tell him SORRY, THAT'S A NO.

 

You've had one abortion thanks to him already, and another will do more harm than good. Your very best birth control with this particular person is your own self awareness and good judgment.

 

He can have sex with you maybe -- IF he is responsible toward your sex and fertility UP FRONT.

 

A lot of respondents will urge you to be on birth control. While I generally agree somewhat, there are two adults involved. It sounds from your original post that he was the one less inclined to participate in parenthood -- and to me, that really does mean it's on him to be most inclined to prevent it.

 

If he can't be a man in this important regard, set him free and let him go. That's a boy, and a selfish one. Not for you.

[Monalisa1]

Put a little more responsibility on this character. The next time you start falling into sex with him, STOP AND ASK HIM IF HE HAS A CONDOM.

 

If he says no or gives you crap, WALK OR SHOW HIM THE DOOR.

 

This is your body being used. This is also your physical brain doing a number on your emotions and attraction responses. Once the relationship hormones and neurotransmitters kick in, you will lose your grasp on good judgment. The brain wants the body to feel good, so the body is going to go for it, and your mind will make up any reason to make it ok in the moment. ASK FOR HIS CONDOM.

 

If this joker doesn't want babies, IT'S UP TO HIM TO SHEATHE HIS SEED. If he doesn't want to or isn't prepared to or gives you lip about it, be strong for yourself and your own body and tell him SORRY, THAT'S A NO.

 

You've had one abortion thanks to him already, and another will do more harm than good. Your very best birth control with this particular person is your own self awareness and good judgment.

 

He can have sex with you maybe -- IF he is responsible toward your sex and fertility UP FRONT.

 

A lot of respondents will urge you to be on birth control. While I generally agree somewhat, there are two adults involved. It sounds from your original post that he was the one less inclined to participate in parenthood -- and to me, that really does mean it's on him to be most inclined to prevent it.

 

If he can't be a man in this important regard, set him free and let him go. That's a boy, and a selfish one. Not for you.

 

 

 

Honestly... thank you so much for replying, I completely agree with you and what you’re saying. I thought about everything you said and I did finally let him go.

 

Update: I seen him last night and just when I was about to sleep with him, I stopped myself and asked him what he wanted. And we both agreed we rather talk about this now before it gets bad. He basically told me he wasn’t looking for a relationship, he only wanted sex and he’s just not a committing type. He knows that if we commit, he’ll just end up cheating on me down the road. He’s simply not a one woman man. Oh and he was sleeping with other people with protection. But I told him, I’m dating other people right now so I understand but I rather be sleeping with someone that appreciates me and wants to be with me than waste my time f’ing you just to f you. I wished him the best in life And I left... gracefully. well when I walked to the door he told me to wait and he opened the door for me. Jerk right? Anyway... I’m really glad I ended this chapter. Yeah I’m hurt about it but I can’t change anything nor Can I force someone to be with me. This was definitely a blessing in disguise. I know he’ll be back. But I’ll have more respect for myself the next time around.