Am I doing the Right Thing

[CybereXtremer]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about five months. Everything was going great until around St. Patrick's day. Out of the blue she says she needs to see someone (counselor) because she doesn't know where she is right now.

 

She dropped off an Easter basket full of stuff at my house with a note inside. The note reads as follows:

 

Love

The Rabbit

 

P.S. - You are, without a doubt, the most special and valuable person I've ever been fortunate enough to share time with. I'm very sorry and saddened that things aren't the way I'd like them to be right now, but I'm confident that with time I'll work through this process. I wish you endless happiness - thanks so much for you.

 

We have had limited communication for about a month. I've been trying to give her some space to work out her issues. Since she is not trying to contact me does that mean she is breaking up with me? I've been doing NC to a point, but I have no idea what is going on in our relationship. What are women thinking when they write notes like this and say the things that they do?

[greenowl88]

To me, when someone says something like "I wish you endless happiness", that sounds almost like a good-bye in a way, but I could be wrong.

 

She is obviously having a lot of issues right now, and it's very good that she is seeing a counselor and trying to get help for herself. She sounds very mature.

 

Continue to give her space. When she's ready she'll know where to find you, but let her know that you still care.

 

Good luck!!

[CybereXtremer]

She hasn't tried to contact me in over a month. She hasn't told me we are breaking up. I still have stuff at her house. Do women normally act like this? Come on ladies help me out. Is it over and she is afraid to tell me or is she taking her time sorting things out?

[greenowl88]

It does sound to me like she just needs some time to help herself. When someone is hurting or confused, sometimes they just need to be left alone to figure out what they want and need to be happy. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you or that it's neccessarily over between you two. Be patient with her. You can't rush something like that. If you really need to know for yourself what the status of your relationship is, call her and ask, or you can just give it some time, and if she realizes that she needs you in her life, which to me it sounds like it's just a weird phase she's going through and that she will come around, then she'll give you a call when she's ready.

 

Good luck!!

[CybereXtremer]

I need some advice on whether to break NC. She will begin teaching a graduate class on Thursday. This is a new opportunity for her and she was very excited when she told me about it. I am thinking of sending her a text message wishing her good luck with her class. I have no problem continuing NC, but I'm worried she might think I don't care anymore. Any suggestions on what to do?

[greenowl88]

I think it would be a good idea to send her a friendly text message saying good luck with her class. There's no harm at all in letting her know that you still care and that you're there for her.

[CybereXtremer]

I didn't contact her yesterday to wish her good luck with teaching her class last night. I am going to continue NC until she contacts me. I don't want to wait to long, because I want to get my stuff back. I don't know if she is feeling guilty, scared or if she is really getting help and using this time. I don't know why people can't move past playing these high school games. Just tells us what you are thinking and move on. The world is not going to end because you are going to break up with us. I am continuing to live my life and if she contacts me she might be in for a big surprise.

[butterflycloud]

I dont know the whole story but I dont think you should NC.

 

Her notes sounds like she really loves you.....she wouldnt say that if she didnt mean that.

 

It sounds like she is disappointed in herself- sounds like she cant offer you what she wanted to. If she is seeing a councillor then that means that she isnst alright troght now.

 

Dont punish her by not calling- I think she needs your support right now. Dont be over bearing but tell her that you support her in what she is going through and ask her if you can help her with anything.

 

She has withdrawn- that doesnt mean it is because of you- you never know what is going on inside her right now.

 

Try and respect where she is right now- I know it is hard and that u are hurt but all you can do is ask the angels to help her with whatever she is going through and send her love everyday.

 

Hope it works out....

 

Thinking of you.

[CybereXtremer]

Butterfly, I was sending her text messages, but she never returned them. We were suppose to meet a few weeks back, but she cancelled because she got an appointmet with a counselor. She has initiated contact since she left the note. I spoke with her last week to see about getting together and talking and she said she had been meaning to call, but there was never an opportune time. I think she could have made the time if she wanted. She wanted to meet 2 wks after the call, which would be today, but I am going to be out of town. So, she said we will play it by ear. So, I left it in her hands, but I have no idea why she is NC'ing unless she feels guilty, scared or is really getting help. If she is getting help she might not want to talk to me because it might involve her feelings into wwhat she is working out. Wouldn't you think out of respect she would tell me what is going on. She never said we were breaking up or anything. Pretty much what was in the note. The only time I am able to contact her is at work and I don't want to discuss this over the phone and while she is at work. I don't want her to break down at work. So, I am at a loss.

 

Thanks

Butterflycloud

[RayKay]

I think the note does indicate she has some feelings for you, and even the action of leaving you a gift basket shows you are not far from her mind. I only do gestures for someone when they mean something to me, and I care about them.

 

It is also clear from the reasons for the break that she gave you she is sorting some things out, though it is hard to tell what - are they about you, are they about her and her path in life?

 

Has she ever suffered anything like depression, or do you know what her past history with relationships is - is it possible that due to some of those she has some ongoing issues or fears that are popping up now?

 

It is very hard to tell, as often when we are going through stuff I want my partner to be closer and there for me, UNLESS I am almost ashamed of what is going on or it is about them...

 

I think you are being very very strong though in giving her space, and I think the "limited" contact is a good idea as opposed to NC at this time, it does not appear like she is trying to keep you around as she is wishy washy, it seems she is being more mature in it by recognizing it is not fair for her to expect you to stay on hold either - as to why she has not said you are breaking up, it may be as she is not sure what she wants yet either.

[buzzinjess]

theres a few scenarios I think that could be going on. One is that shes going through a tough time like she says and probobly doesnt have the energy to talk to you or deal with anything to do with you because it will just be more pressure for her- like having to tell you whats been going on.

The other alternative is that shes lying and wants to keep you on a string as a back-up.

I think the sensible thing to do is try not to think too much about it as you will think yourself around in circles- take up a new hobby or something , convince yourself your single and do whatever it takes to make yourself happy. She'll come back to u eventually and u can work out what u both want then- if u r still interested then