Disappointing my grandmother because I don't want to move in with her.

[amy66]

For a few months now I've had tentative plans to move from california to czech republic to be with my grandmother. my family is small & she doesn't really have many other people to spend time with over there so she's really keen on the idea and keeps asking me when I'm coming and is really happy to have me there. Although I haven't bought my ticket or done anything to solidify the move yet, I was sure I wanted to go and she really wants me there.

 

Lately though, I feel like the move would be unpleasant for me and force me into an uncomfortable situation where I am dependent on living in her 1 bedroom apartment to survive. In short, I no longer want to move there. I feel like it would be a setback for me and I'd be digging an even deeper hole for myself.

 

The main reason being because I tend to earn minimum wage which, although not great, allows me to live independently in the US and would not allow that where she lives.

 

I don't want to upset my grandmother and I feel horrible. But I also don't know how I'd make it there and escape being the dead beat 26 year old who lives with family because thats all I can afford. at least in the US I'm a deadbeat 26 year old who takes care of herself somehow. Am I just supposed to suck it up and go there and endure somehow so my grandmother isn't disappointed? I want to resolve this awful mess I made & wish I never ever would have said anything about moving.

[pippy longstocking]

Deep down your grandma knows you have to live your life ... yes I am sure she is going to be upset , but you have to do what you want to do with your future .

 

You just have to tell her , and the sooner the better , and maybe really really make a fuss of her , send her a nice card , maybe a little gift so she knows how loved she is ...

[DanZee]

I say go visit her for a week or two, but don't move there.

[amy66]

Thanks for the advice. She did visit recently so I got to see her but I generally only see her once every 3 years or so. and I don't make nearly enough money to go there on a regular basis. I feel this obligation, like I should do it even though I don't want to because its my grandma. I don't know how to shake that feeling or if I'm even supposed to

[pippy longstocking]

Thanks for the advice. She did visit recently so I got to see her but I generally only see her once every 3 years or so. and I don't make nearly enough money to go there on a regular basis. I feel this obligation, like I should do it even though I don't want to because its my grandma. I don't know how to shake that feeling or if I'm even supposed to

 

It is simply because you are clearly a nice person and love and value your family , so the guilt is eating you up . But we all know , deep down , everyone has the right to go and live their life as they choose .

[melancholy123]

If you cant afford to move to live with grandma then you cant afford to go visit her. You should be living life on your terms, which does not involve living with her in another country. If you could manage a visit, that'd be great but dont get roped into moving in with her if you dont want to do that. What do your parents say about this?