Blocked on Facebook?!!!

[Flipper15]

My ex and I were together for 4 years and lived together. Both on our early 30s. Relationship ended at Easter this year. It's not been plain sailing since and I've found out the real reasons we broke through a friend of his. It was all to do with a rift between his family and I. I didn't know this though until recently through his friend as my ex refuses to meet up and talk about what went on. He's only got contact with me through email.

I was on Facebook recently and noticed memories came up but his name not there. Now we were Facebook friends anyway nor connected on messager. But I thought it was odd. My friend then said looks like he's blocked you. I confronted him via email and he said yes I have I can do what I want. Now I know it's only Facebook but why do that if we weren't friends on there? Just kind of hurt as memories come up we shared many wonderful times together but the break up wasn't smooth nor nice. He's usually a very emotional guy, sensitive and so on. I know for s fact he's checked up on my Facebook before he's dropped himself in it in various emails. It's just confused and kind of hurt me and wondered if anyone else has expecerienced this?

[MissCanuck]

At some point, you both need to move on. Perhaps he doesn't want to be tempted to look at yours, or maybe he's seeing someone and knows that sooner or later she will start showing up on his profile and doesn't want you to be privy to his new chapter.

 

If you've been broken up a few months, this is probably a blessing in disguise - it sounds like you need to really let go so, for your own well-being.

[Flipper15]

I know but we haven't even spoken about the break up. It wasn't a quick process at one point he wanted to get back together. He's been struggling with his career. I've had a lot of grief after my nana and friend passing away. I have had no closure from him himself only recently from his friend. He's blamed me for the break up but it seems it was actually because of the rift between his family and I. She said he's not dating as such, he is back online dating but she said people do crazy things when they are hurt and he's hurt. If he'd told me the truth it was over family then we could have sorted it. I'm not a mind reader. He's refusing to see me, doesn't want to go over old ground. At 34 I think it's very immature and is so hurtful because we planned a life together and both meant more than other have been. His friend said he's trying to move on but then she's telling me he's hurt...I emailed him and said about Facebook and he said hell do what he wants. Same as talking even his friend suggested we speak but he said no, do it in his own time. We weren't friends on Facebook nor messenger but I was just hurt that he blocked me because it's like their no memories and this is so unlike him. Everything seems to be on his time, when he wants almost like a mini mid life crisis. I mentioned the other week seen as he's friends with my family and friends still on there, that he seemed to be happy and flaunting it. He said the only way people would know anything was via fb...well why be friends with my family and friends on there?? He said I don't care. But then my friend laughed and said you've rattled his cage as he's gone off on one again and disseaped off there, then came back. So the "I don't care" attitude was obviously false. He said yeah memories come up but I scroll past them. But again his friend is telling me he hurt still. Same as when I dropped stuff at his parents, I told him to come and get it and he didn't. I had no option to put it on his parents driveway, i did tell him. He said he didn't care. His friend however tells me it had and effect on him. It's almost like a struggle, I don't get why push me away and why try block out all the memories when it's clear he struggling with it all.

[MissCanuck]

His friend needs to stop feeding you information. He was not part of the breakup and in the end, cannot speak for your ex.

 

Yes, it's immature of your ex to not even discuss the reason why he left. You were certainly entitled to some sort of explanation. But let that be a huge cue as to what type of man your ex really is. His refusal to talk to you is very telling.

 

Take this latest blocking as a sign that you really need to let go of him. You're keeping yourself stuck by checking his social media and getting information from this friend. I know you are hurt and looking for answers, but it doesn't appear you're going to get them. You are wasting your time and emotional energy on a guy who apparently didn't even have the decency to tell you why it was over.

[Flipper15]

No no his friend told me what's gonenon between us. Not the other way round. She said he's hurt and told me the truth about whats gone on.

 

It was my friend that mentioned about him blocking me because he's still friends with all my friends and family on there but blocked me and I don't know why because I never checked up on him, I just saw memories on my page come up and him not be there tagged in them.

 

If you read my post in the break up section "heartbroken...will we get back together?" You will see what's gone on.

 

I was just confused with the Facebook thing because well we weren't friends on there. But he has sent me screen prints of my page by email claiming he took them when we were still together, but I caught him out and said you've just taken them now because of the profile picture. He instantly jumped at me. I've also had a email twice saying someone has tried to hack me. So I don't know whether he's blocked me to stop himself from looking at my page as he said to my friend some photos from my past with a old male friend upset him. But if you don't have feelings for me why go to lengths to block me but why still be friends with my family and friends still. Why not just delete them all? Apparently he's out a quote on there as well that he always used to use towards me. I just don't get why he's trying to push himself on. I get he's hurt, so am I, but we're in our 30s and both had so many happy times why not just sort it with me and be civil and amicable after all he is with all his other exs. He's the one who dwells on memories but his friend said he's gone down into protective shutdown defensive mode. It's worrying to see because it's so unlike him in his personality.

[MissCanuck]

As I said, you need to ask these friends to stop feeding you information about him. Whether it's you asking or them freely offering their insight, what purpose is it serving you, really?

 

This is keeping you in a bad emotional place.

[Flipper15]

I know but I think it's because everyone knows this isn't usually him.

 

I'd prefer him just to say why it just seems so stupid at our age. My mate thinks it's because he was poking about my Facebook, if that's the case why not just speak to me. Another just thinks it's a form of control again by him. Because he said things will only change when he wants them too.

[journeynow]

why do that if we weren't friends on there?

 

As you said, he's usually a very emotional guy and sensitive, and while it is "only Facebook" you felt entitled to confront him over this. See, he's sensitive and you invite drama. There's your answer as to why someone might block someone else on FB. Plus, he might not want FB to show him certain memories.

[journeynow]

I know but I think it's because everyone knows this isn't usually him.

 

I'd prefer him just to say why it just seems so stupid at our age. My mate thinks it's because he was poking about my Facebook, if that's the case why not just speak to me. Another just thinks it's a form of control again by him. Because he said things will only change when he wants them too.

 

He's not controlling you. He's established a boundary, of his. Respect that and move on. Let it go.

[Flipper15]

I don't invite drama at all. I just asked him that's all, just like he's asked me things before. It's just all confusing after 4 years of being so close to each other and only a few months ago he said he didn't want it to be this way between us as we'd been through a lot together. I don't know why he would then want to block me out and any memories to do with me 😢 I'm not a nasty person, I get along with everyone, i know this relationship was significant to him and me too. He's the one whose said before blocking people is very childish (he said it to a neibfkur once when he had rut with him). It's just very unlike him he's usually very open emotional and sensitive and says he's hasn't chucked any stuff out i got him. But then he goes on a rampage to block me out. He's told me he just flicks past stuff now, but I know he's not like that. It's very hard to move on when your concerned about someone who was so close to you, and after one fojnd out he's not told me the truth on everything but his friend has, it was stupid stuff as to why we split.

[Starlight925]

This almost exact same thing literally has just happened to me, this week! My 1.5 year relationship ended, and the Facebook circumstances are a bit different, but very similar, in the blocking, removal of tags, etc.

 

You know what I think? I think it's very 12-year-old girl of him. Sure, your ex wants to move on, but he can't spend a few minutes, after a 4 year relationship, explaining what's going on in his mind? If he were to come to you with a heartfelt explanation, that he's hurting too much to view your profile, and it helps him to block you, you'd understand. To just blatantly block, and remove memory tags, is so immature and speaks to probably a lot of other issues you were having.

 

People say "It's only Facebook". "You need to move on". Etc. Well, I've just been through this, and it. Hurts.

[katrina1980]

Flipper, there is very fine line between love and hate. Two sides of the same coin so to speak..

 

He's angry at you that is clear. Why? Who knows, when relationships end, our brain has a tendency to play all sorts of tricks convincing us of things that have zero to do with reality.

 

Blocking you on FB is a strong emotional reaction. If he didn't care, he wouldn't bother especially since you were never friends on there anyway. And it indicates he is still very emotionally attached.

 

It's a defense mechanism used to block his own pain as well as is all his "false bravado" claiming he doesn't care, etc.

 

It's his way of trying to convince himself he doesn't care, when in truth he does still care, very much so, but is too stubborn or too proud to admit it, even to himself.

 

There is nothing you can do. Except to leave him alone and allow him to deal with the breakup and his pain in his own way and own time.

 

And you try to move on as well. Perhaps in time when feelings aren't so "raw" you can somehow reconnect and get your respective closures.

 

I started a thread about this by the way (getting closure). It's in the dating section.

 

Check it out if you want. It may help.

 

I know how hard breakups are, I can very much relate.

 

It took my ex and I around 6-7 months before we were able to discuss our break up calmly and rationally.

 

Wishing you the best as you move forward.

[journeynow]

I don't invite drama at all. I confronted him via email

 

 

I know, it doesn't feel like drama for you, but after a break up, anything that hints of confrontation (your word) IS drama for the person on the receiving end. (Calling his behavior a "rampage" and using multiple exclamation points in your thread title also demonstrates drama, and by that I mean you have strong reactions to this minor thing.) Asking someone to explain themselves can be a form of aggression, can feel like an attack, put the other on the defensive. If a person is already emotional from a break up, they don't need things stirred up more, and it is fine to put up some protections, either to prevent incoming inquiries, or to prevent themselves from making contact. You know, emotions are not rational, and emotions after a break up are not even-keeled, so don't expect him to act reasonably or predictably. This is why people go No Contact after a break up.

[Flipper15]

LHgirl could you possibly read my post "heartbroken can we be together again?" There is more info in there. Like I say it hasnjot been that clean cut 😞

[Flipper15]

That's what I thought, as I know he's dropped himself in it that he's checked my profile before.

 

He is a stubborn person, always thinks he's right. But he's also a dweller. Emotional and sensitive. The eaybhes being right now is not the man I've lived with for four years or even to other people.

 

He said he's always been true to emotions but this time with his new career too it's like he trying to force himself to plough on. I wish he told me what was on his mind and drop the act, because I still truley love and care for this man. We planned the rest our lives together. But communication broke down over a family issue (I've only just found this out from a friend) and not like he said blaming me for things I've said if only he opened up, it was so easily fixable with two people who had so much in common, backgrounds, morals and so on I hate being hated right now and it's made me very ill. He was my partner and my best friend.

[Flipper15]

To add insult to injury, he blocks me. So I said to him ages ago find leave me and my friends alone if your going to be like that. I don't know why your still fb friends with my family and friends on there anyway it stupid and if your going to be that childish then I ask you to leave them alone too. He said that's fine with me I've just made a comment on one of them and won't make another. Tonight my cousins put photos up of her new pup...what does he do likes and comments. It's almost like he's doing it all purposely to whind me up. Why be friends with your family and friends of your ex when it's been made clear because of his attitude to leave them alone to. That's why I think he's doing it to whind me up and act like a child blocking me out so his feelings disappear....yet he wants to remain in contact with my family and friends. My immediate family, my mums and sister deleted him just after the split because he'd caused issues with the house we lived in and they wanted nothing more to do with him. He said he wasn't bothered but when he told me he'd noticed he'd been deleted he was so angry about it. Now I feel he's playing either get his own back, or he's purposely blocking me personally to save any memories to live himself on quicker. Why go to the trouble?

[katrina1980]

To add insult to injury, he blocks me. So I said to him ages ago find leave me and my friends alone if your going to be like that. I don't know why your still fb friends with my family and friends on there anyway it stupid and if your going to be that childish then I ask you to leave them alone too. He said that's fine with me I've just made a comment on one of them and won't make another. Tonight my cousins put photos up of her new pup...what does he do likes and comments. It's almost like he's doing it all purposely to whind me up. Why be friends with your family and friends of your ex when it's been made clear because of his attitude to leave them alone to. That's why I think he's doing it to whind me up and act like a child blocking me out so his feelings disappear....yet he wants to remain in contact with my family and friends. My immediate family, my mums and sister deleted him just after the split because he'd caused issues with the house we lived in and they wanted nothing more to do with him. He said he wasn't bothered but when he told me he'd noticed he'd been deleted he was so angry about it. Now I feel he's playing either get his own back, or he's purposely blocking me personally to save any memories to live himself on quicker. Why go to the trouble?

 

Agree he is doing all this to "wind you up," and doing a damn good job of it too, I'm afraid.

 

Try to not get caught up in his particular brand of neurosis, Flipper, it will drive you crazy.

 

One of my ex's tried to pull that crap with me for a while, I didn't allow it.

 

I understood where it came from and it actually caused me to lose some respect.

 

Your ex is not handling the break up well, and he sounds quite immature.

 

Rise above, head high.

 

DO NOT REACT.

[MissCanuck]

I agree with katrina, he knows exactly how to wind you up and send you into an emotional tornado, OP.

 

This is precisely why you need to tell people to stop reporting on his actions and speculating about his thoughts. Someone who cares about you doesn't behave the way he does; this sounds like a childish power trip for him.

 

And that is also why you need to start accepting that it's over. Start a new chapter here - tell your friends and family to stop giving you any information about him. Period. I cannot imagine why they continue to do so, knowing how much it upsets you. Yes, you were together a few years. And maybe this is out of character for him. And so? He is not your problem anymore.

 

This is so unhealthy for you and you need to let him go, once and for all.

[Flipper15]

Well he's just emailed me in the format of 1,2,3. Makes me laugh as he's apprently posted the new song "New rules" which obviously has the 1,2,3 format. Thing is if he wants nothing to do with me then why have my family and friends on Facebook still? When I brought it up a while ago he said right I'll have nothing to do with them either, I've just commented on sometimes and won't again. But there you go he has. Yet everything is on his terms like he said when myself and his friend said to talk about stuff, he said it will only change when he wants.