Hour Long talk with Ex GF. Confused?

[Cchance11]

WOW, we had an hour and a half long discussion. At first I asked about her work, her cat, what I was up to in school. She broke down and said it was so hard to talk to me this way. She proceeded to display mistakes I made in the relationship and tell me the way they made her feel. I listened, I did not argue. But i let her know that I took this breakup as a chance to improve myself. I let her know that I will never know the pain she is going through, but I do know all the actions I had that led to it. I told her during the breakup I reflected, and reflected hard to never be the guy that I was, because honestly he was a selfish jerk. We ended the conversation with her saying she does not know where to go from here, but we were very civil and ended the convo with more light talk about what we have been up to. I told her it was nice talking to her and she chuckled and said it back

 

I mean she even said the beginning of the conversation was the me that she loved. She asked why I couldn’t do that while we were together. I let her know that that was a product of my progression. What I have learned reflecting on my actions that hurt her. I genuinely wanted to talk about her work day just now and it was a great discussion! Then the relationship part happened and she is hurt. She misses me and says she doesn’t know why. She says that I have many people to be sorry too, and asked how would things stay changed 3 years from now. I answered saying that this was my first relationship. This was a huge lesson for me, and what she heard earlier was not an act (it wasn’t honestly) and that I’ll know when complacency equals hurtful actions. I said every couple can get complacent, what made this different is that I use it in my actions to indirectly hurt her. I will learn from this and complacency will never cause another woman hurt again in my life.

She ended it saying she doesn’t know what to do moving forward and she will be going with the flow. We ended very nicely with more chit chat.

 

Where do we go from here? How did I handle our first contact? Do you see her maybe eventually giving us another go?

 

This morning she also re added me on Snapchat so I believe that is good.

[reinventmyself]

I think you handled it very well.

But what was your motivation for talking to her? Did you tell her all those things because you are genuinely remorseful or did you hope it would have some impact on her decision?

I think drilling down to your own personal reasons why will clarify things for you.

It's not either/or as well. It can be combination of the two.

Bottom line. .this is a good example of what happens when you talk to an ex. You end up wondering 'what if' and often times when you

don't hear from them again, it sets you back to a painful place you were at before.

The lesson here is - only talk to an ex if you know you are in a place that no matter the outcome, you'll be ok.

[Cchance11]

I am genuinely remorseful and I want to give us another shot. I know we can be happy. I love her.

[Giblesp]

I read your intial post on this relationship.

 

Brace yourself for my directness and apologies in advance. I'll say that I've made the same mistakes in the past.

 

You stopped dating her, stopped being fun. Then you made the big mistake of getting desperate and needy when she ended it. The second mistake reinforced the damage done by the first.

The trip with her girlfriends followed by her ending it, that's usually where another man becomes involved I'm sorry to say.

 

So for now, it is completely over and you have to accept and move on from that. You have to walk away completely and look after yourself. Tell her that you want her as a lover and not a friend. She can look you up if she changes her mind. Then you walk away completely, strict NC. Thats what a self respecting man who looks after himself would do, every time.

 

Not only will that be the quickest path to your healing, it usually generates interest in the woman who's dumped you. But only if you do it for yourself. You move on COMPLETELY, no waiting around whatsoever.

 

The power is completely with her at the moment, she decides whether to continue or not. This is generally very unattractive to a woman and if it continues she will eventually get very nasty. Walking away and NC shifts some of that power back to you and avoids unpleasantries. Its an all round winning technique for self improvement.

[No1]

Your biggest question is "Is there a chance to get back together?" The problem is that your X might not know the answer to that and probably wont for a while. Is there a chance? Yep, is there a chance she doesn't come back? Yep. Its one of those questions and situations that you have zero control over. So what do you do? Leave it alone.

 

I understand you made mistakes and to be honest, no one is perfect. You will continue to make mistakes in the next relationship to. What we as humas must do is learn from them and try not to make them again. If I was your friend, I would suggest that you give her time and space for her to make up her mind. If you suggest, talk, pressure, guilt, persuade, convince or demand that she comes back and she does before she is mentally and emotionally ready, then the relationship is pre-doomed. (I think I invented a word)

 

I think she likes you but is so very scared that the old you will come back. You can tell her all you want that you have changed and learned but that's no comfort because she is waiting for action to go with those words. So I would suggest that you go on and work on yourself and focus on your happiness. That does not mean you are closing the door or signaling that there isn't a chance, what you are doing is improving yourself. Then the decision of your X is all hers and hers alone. The risk is that you might find someone else before then. Seems impossible to you now, but who knows what will happen months from now.

 

Leave her alone. Let her come to you. For her to miss you, she has to see a life without you. She must also see that the old you does not come back. She is scared so understand where she is coming from. Don't try to correct mistakes you made in the past. What you do is not make them again.

[Rustysuit]

Your biggest question is "Is there a chance to get back together?" The problem is that your X might not know the answer to that and probably wont for a while. Is there a chance? Yep, is there a chance she doesn't come back? Yep. Its one of those questions and situations that you have zero control over. So what do you do? Leave it alone.

 

I understand you made mistakes and to be honest, no one is perfect. You will continue to make mistakes in the next relationship to. What we as humas must do is learn from them and try not to make them again. If I was your friend, I would suggest that you give her time and space for her to make up her mind. If you suggest, talk, pressure, guilt, persuade, convince or demand that she comes back and she does before she is mentally and emotionally ready, then the relationship is pre-doomed. (I think I invented a word)

 

I think she likes you but is so very scared that the old you will come back. You can tell her all you want that you have changed and learned but that's no comfort because she is waiting for action to go with those words. So I would suggest that you go on and work on yourself and focus on your happiness. That does not mean you are closing the door or signaling that there isn't a chance, what you are doing is improving yourself. Then the decision of your X is all hers and hers alone. The risk is that you might find someone else before then. Seems impossible to you now, but who knows what will happen months from now.

 

Leave her alone. Let her come to you. For her to miss you, she has to see a life without you. She must also see that the old you does not come back. She is scared so understand where she is coming from. Don't try to correct mistakes you made in the past. What you do is not make them again.

 

I agree with this notion, but I'll add to it since OP didn't seem to make it very clear to his EX is to reach out one last time or whenever he feels like to make it very clear he wants to work things out and get back together and THEN, leave it at that and focus on himself.