Feeling stuck. Not sure if i'm hopeless

[mrguyin1350987]

My ex-girlfriend and I broke up back in July, before she went to college. Now don’t get me wrong, I see why she ended it, citing co-dependency, her falling “out of love” and other issues that just came from it being the first relationship for both of us. We were a couple for 17 months and best friends almost two years.

 

 

Now the dust has settled, we have gone over a month with no contact(outside of her trying to drunk call me but I didn’t answer), and I still can’t seem to shake this girl. I attended many therapy sessions with my college’s counselor and recognize my issues as a boyfriend and have been doing a lot of soul searching to fix these issues. I’ve been going to the gym 5 days a week, eating right and feeling better about myself physically. Also, I have been meeting new girls at college, slept with one, and have just been out enjoying my new single life as a sophomore.

 

 

Unfortunately I still seem to think about her all the time. I’m not sure if its me thinking about wanting her back, or simply just wanting to see and talk to her again because we were so close for so long. It literally feels like someone died in my life. Only difficulty here is that we are both at college until Thanksgiving time, and I just feel a little stuck right now. I think it’s a bad move for me to reach out right now because she dumped me, but at what point do I just take it into my own hands and try to contact her? If she doesn’t reach out by thanksgiving would it be the worst idea to try and contact her when we’re both home? I feel like if I was able to hang out with her and see her/hear about her life and if she’s changed that I would be a lot more clear with all of this.

 

 

I just feel stuck and conflicted about everything right now. I had a really special connection with this girl, and she has told mutual friends she still loves me, but the timing wasn’t right. I just wish this wasn’t such an open ended break and more of an ugly one where I knew why we wouldn’t ever work. Not sure how to proceed here, any advice would be appreciated.

 

 

TLDR; Almost two months apart and no contact, but cant shake the feelings. Should I reach out when we’re both home?

[jah123]

Get it together, mate. I know that it's a bad feeling to lose a girlfriend, but trust me if she wants to contact you, she'll eventually do it.

Don't try to contact her at all. You're a man here, you know? You should be the strong one. Don't let her or your feelings manipulate you into doing something stupid.

Focus on yourself first and then you'll find a perfect girl.

 

If you reach out, you're just gonna show her that you're weak and that she can manipulate you.. So simply don't do it.

[DanZee]

You're at college. You're never going to meet as many smart, pretty girls in your entire life as you will now. Take advantage of the situation and find yourself a girl who is looking for a guy like you.

[Rustysuit]

Both advices are kinda dumb. You can't just "man up" and be all cool and swag swag your way out of a broken heart.

 

What I can say is this: be a man, be yourself and do what you think it's right. I don't advice any contact AT ALL unless you're prepared for the worst outcome possible (which is her ignoring you or saying "not interested" something like that).

 

Contacting her is a risk where you'll be putting yourself in harms way. You may want to show her your new "you", but it's soon for that. 2 months is nothing.

 

I'd keep the NC. She knows where to find you and you need to keep healing. You're in college and you have so much to look forward to. From parties, to meeting new people, to actually study and get your degree, etc.

If you're really a changed man, enjoy yourself for now.

 

Anyway, I know how it hurts and the temptation of trying to contact and reach out, but more often than not, it's absolutely a bad idea. A really bad idea.

[mrguyin1350987]

Both advices are kinda dumb. You can't just "man up" and be all cool and swag swag your way out of a broken heart.

 

What I can say is this: be a man, be yourself and do what you think it's right. I don't advice any contact AT ALL unless you're prepared for the worst outcome possible (which is her ignoring you or saying "not interested" something like that).

 

Contacting her is a risk where you'll be putting yourself in harms way. You may want to show her your new "you", but it's soon for that. 2 months is nothing.

 

I'd keep the NC. She knows where to find you and you need to keep healing. You're in college and you have so much to look forward to. From parties, to meeting new people, to actually study and get your degree, etc.

If you're really a changed man, enjoy yourself for now.

 

Anyway, I know how it hurts and the temptation of trying to contact and reach out, but more often than not, it's absolutely a bad idea. A really bad idea.

 

I think I've made my peace with the fact that she might not even answer, which is why I think I am even entertaining the idea. If anything getting shot down would be the ultimate closure I need

[Rustysuit]

I think I've made my peace with the fact that she might not even answer, which is why I think I am even entertaining the idea. If anything getting shot down would be the ultimate closure I need

 

Only you can know the true answer to that. I very much doubt you'll be okay with it, but that's my opinion. Emotions tend to creep on us when we least expect it. Anyway, if you're sure and you feel you need it, then just say it and go for it.

[mrguyin1350987]

Only you can know the true answer to that. I very much doubt you'll be okay with it, but that's my opinion. Emotions tend to creep on us when we least expect it. Anyway, if you're sure and you feel you need it, then just say it and go for it.

 

do I wait until thanksgiving time when we are both home to try and talk? Or should i just send a text and see what happens

[Rustysuit]

do I wait until thanksgiving time when we are both home to try and talk? Or should i just send a text and see what happens

 

That would be ideal if she agrees to meet you, yes and you can handle it. Maybe in the mean time this need of yours to talk to her will disappear or you'll feel more healed won't do it anymore.