Ex getting with guys in front of me

[Dmarls84]

6 year relationship ended 3 weeks ago.

Its been amicable up until this week, then she accuses me of breaking some of her property (which I absolutely did not do), she has been cold with me this week when we have interacted (household stuff; bills etc.), will barley look me in the eye.

 

So last night, I am at the pub quiz with my friend, she turns up to meet another friend.

It is awkward, but I say hello, keep my space across the bar, get on with my night etc.

 

She gets drunk, flirting with loads of guys, sometimes in front of me.

Ends up sitting on some guys lap and then goes home with him.

 

What is all that about?

Is she just harsh?

Is she doing it to get a rise out of me?

[pippy longstocking]

It just shows a level of immaturity , who knows why ! More importantly ..don't mention it to her , don't give her attention for it or show any feeling what so ever , get these bills sorted out so you can cut all contact . Remember the less you react the less likely she is to carry on this crap .

[Dmarls84]

Yer...the bills etc are done, so I have no need to contact her. Unfortunately we share a lot of friends, not seeing her is basically impossible.

I was kinda hoping we could just act normally and get on with our lives.

 

I just dont understand why she thinks that ok to do.

Does she not understand that its gonna be hurtful?

Is she doing it on purpose?

Or...does she simply not give a ?

[pippy longstocking]

Yer...the bills etc are done, so I have no need to contact her. Unfortunately we share a lot of friends, not seeing her is basically impossible.

I was kinda hoping we could just act normally and get on with our lives.

 

I just dont understand why she thinks that ok to do.

Does she not understand that its gonna be hurtful?

Is she doing it on purpose?

Or...does she simply not give a ?

 

yeah always a problem with the same group of friends ..sadly sometimes you have to just avoid the social gatherings a while to let things calm down .

 

who split with who ?

 

If you ended it , I would imagine this was to get a rise out of you to make you jealous and want her back , or some revenge for the broken property she accused you of .

[Hollyj]

I would consider another bar.

 

She is trying to hurt you. She sounds mean!

[Dmarls84]

She initiated the breakup conversation, she therefore broke up with me.

 

The feeling was mutual though, it hasn't been working since the slump initiated about 1 1/2 years ago.

I knew it was coming, I was a bit of a for not dealing with it sooner, or initiating the conversation at least.

 

The past year has been hard; I got sent overseas with work for 6 months, a week at a time (so didn't see each other much); we had problems with our rented flat leading us to be staying in hotels for a few months (very disruptive); I essentially got really down and couldn't lift myself out of the slump. Its my fault in that regard.

 

The broken property relates to some sunflowers in the garden that had their heads pulled off, she actually thinks I did it and is telling everyone!

 

The bar is actually my local, it is 100 yards from my new flat!

[Keyman]

Sure there is another pub close by unless youa re living in a small town. There are a hundred million of them in London.

 

Best to avoid her at all costs and even hang back from hanging with that group of friends for a while. Maybe take a small group of them to try a new local?

[Hollyj]

She initiated the breakup conversation, she therefore broke up with me.

 

The feeling was mutual though, it hasn't been working since the slump initiated about 1 1/2 years ago.

I knew it was coming, I was a bit of a for not dealing with it sooner, or initiating the conversation at least.

 

The past year has been hard; I got sent overseas with work for 6 months, a week at a time (so didn't see each other much); we had problems with our rented flat leading us to be staying in hotels for a few months (very disruptive); I essentially got really down and couldn't lift myself out of the slump. Its my fault in that regard.

 

The broken property relates to some sunflowers in the garden that had their heads pulled off, she actually thinks I did it and is telling everyone!

 

The bar is actually my local, it is 100 yards from my new flat!

 

Unless you want to continue with the drama, you will find another bar.

[cococly]

I am pretty sure a 6-year relationship wouldn't end at one moment.

 

A woman doesn't have too many "6-year" periods in her prime to waste. (This may not be true in North America, and that's how I think), most women in my part of the world, would try hard to get married before 30, or else they are normally labelled "failure".

[Dmarls84]

@cocoly...what do you mean? Dont understand.

[cococly]

OK, normally, in our culture, women needs to be more careful about "wasting" prime years in dating someone that didn't turn into marriage.

 

I mean a woman doesn't have that many "6-year" in her life to explore and try different partners. For men however, you could get married for the first time in your 50s or even 60s, but for any women over a certain age....

 

Just my 2cents. If you can leave the picture completely, by going on a trip. etc., she would come back to at least check on you in the future, that's guaranteed. Maybe it's weeks from now, or decades from now.

 

My ex of 3.5 year checked on me after ONE day of NC, but it wasn't intended for reconciliation.

[MissCanuck]

OK, normally, in our culture, women needs to be more careful about "wasting" prime years in dating someone that didn't turn into marriage.

 

I mean a woman doesn't have that many "6-year" in her life to explore and try different partners. For men however, you could get married for the first time in your 50s or even 60s, but for any women over a certain age....

 

Just my 2cents. If you can leave the picture completely, by going on a trip. etc., she would come back to at least check on you in the future, that's guaranteed. Maybe it's weeks from now, or decades from now.

 

My ex of 3.5 year checked on me after ONE day of NC, but it wasn't intended for reconciliation.

 

Eh, this view doesn't hold a lot of water with women nowadays. I'm not sure what culture you're referring to, but being unmarried over the age of 30 isn't a big deal to most women in the western parts of the world anymore. We're much more willing to let go of relationships that are no longer working than to stick around just for the sake of getting married.

 

And what's the use of holding out hope for an ex "checking on" someone weeks or years into the future? That is most definitely not a guarantee, at all. As you said, even if it does happen, it often isn't for the purposes of reconciliation and I would assume that someone would have moved anyway if it's years down the line.