milosmilosav Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Two and a half years ago I met my current girlfriend. From my own experiences and previous relationships/dating with women before I knew that this is something special and that I had found someone that I could live my life with. I was in luck that she felt the same way back. Now I am 30 and she is 27. She had a pretty rough childhood with an abusive father. At 19 she left her home to go to college. She worked night shifts in McDonalds (and other jobs) so she could pay for college. About 10 months ago she graduated but has not been able to find a job that she was schooling for. (About that time, we started to live together – I moved to a new town to be with her not having a lot of friends) Considering the economy and a demand for her profession (agriculture) I feel it will be hard for her to get the job that she sacrificed so much for. Lately she lost certain friendships that were important to her and now she works in a dead-end job (clerk) that is killing her because she is proactive and a type of person that wants to learn and progress. She has a hard time being around new people because of her social anxiety. She even feels anxiety around people she knows for a long time. She always had problems with feeling down but those problems are getting worse as the time goes by. More and more often she starts to blame me that I was not a good support for her and that I did not gave her good advice when she needed it. But when she cools down she breaks down and says that she can’t look at her self destroying me and snapping at me and that she wants to break up with me for those reasons. I can't even imagine how hard that is for her because I know she also loves me very much. She even said to me that she „had a thought where she took a lot of pills and felt relieved knowing she wouldn't wake up “. I respond that in relationships thing are not always rainbows and that I want and will be with her no matter what. She said that she would “like to go and see a professional and that she would even try magic mushrooms (because they can lower depression and anxiety levels) but from reading on forums during the time where people get back on track boyfriends/girlfriends are a distraction.” I don't know how to help her feel better. It’s killing me because I know that this girl is a right girl for me but often I can’t get to that girl because of depression. I am not in the best of place either. Not just because of her situation, but because my boss told me that I should start to look for another job because „things are not working out “. She says that if thing don't work out well here (job wise) we will go to another country together but I have restrains of going to another country with her while she is in that state. Advice… any… Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 If she is having some suicidal thoughts, she really needs professional help. The extent of her depression is such that your kind words and support are just not enough to help her at this point. Moving country would also be a bad idea right now, as you recognize. Can she make an appointment with her doctor? Also, why are things not working out at your own job? Are you currently looking for other employment? Link to comment
milosmilosav Posted August 3, 2017 Author Share Posted August 3, 2017 She said that she will make an appointment. When I heard about the pill thoughts I wanted do drive her right away to her doctor (In Croatia you first have to go to your family doctor so that he can forward you to specialist) but she said that she will do in it two to tree weeks when she is on her vacation. I was in a really toxic enviroment with my co worker. The guy that I was replacing said the same thing about her, but my boss decidet to remove me because she is very good at what she does. Plus, I have ADHD and my job is administrative so naturaly I was not the best at it. Link to comment
Carus Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 I'm in the throes of separating from my wife. It's excruciating! Her depression was getting worse. I love her very much and thought I could love openly, support her where needed and just carry on with stuff.. Her doubts about us got worse and worse and she pushed me further and further away... Being in a one-way relationship will disintegrate you... It's so horrible to watch someone you love go down like that. I hope she can get on top of it... Everyone has their breaking point. You will know when yours comes* Carus* Link to comment
Vexna Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 Oh, this is deep. Well being a sufferer of depression myself, I know this can be hard. The only way I know to pull someone up of that hole is to force them to go out and do fun stuff. Get her exercising like go to the gym if possible and hacing a fun hobby that gets her out of bed (if that's the case) helps. Therapy doesn't work on everybody. Is she on meds? Those can be extremely helpful. Link to comment
milosmilosav Posted August 7, 2017 Author Share Posted August 7, 2017 She is not on meds. But I have to say that she is not like this all the time. She can be fine for 2-3-4 days and then sge gets in this back state for the same ammount of time. It is just that those gloomy days are more often latley. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 Having just a few good 2-4 days is really unhealthy, OP. She needs help. Has she made that appointment yet? Until she is healthy herself, your relationship will continue to be a struggle. Link to comment
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