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Trying to become friends with someone on my gym. Help and advice needed!


PipWizard

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Who would have said that becoming friends with someone nowadays is SO hard? I wish it were as simple as when we were kids.

 

So, I have been trying to get closer to a guy I know from my gym because he seems cool and I am trying to form a new group of friends as my high school friends all have different groups and we don't really hang out with each other a lot. I try to be consistent with my gym schedule and try to be on the time he works out. He goes to the same college as I do. This is important because most of our conversations can't go much further, deeper than talking about college or misc stuff about gym exercises, etc which aren't really too deep because he doesn't change, nor is open to changing his workout too much so there isn't too much variety on that. I try really hard to get to know the things he likes apart from going to the gym and it's really hard with this person. I don't usually have this type of problem of not knowing what to say next on a conversation as most of the times I already know what they like or the conversation just flows, but with this person maybe there isn't enough chemistry. It feels forced? I don't know really, maybe I am trying too hard and should let him try to get closer and just let it flow.

For example, today I tried talking him about a gym trainer who is a beast and was lifting 1550 pounds on leg press, which is amazing. And I know it might not be the best thing to talk about but I want that to initiate a conversation. When I was telling him this he kind of ignored me with his headphones on and told me without even looking at me, looking down, "If you don't describe me who the trainer is, then I don't know". maybe I am too pushy? Or he has a ty personality or he couldn't care less on me or he just doesn't like me.

 

Another thing is that I wanted to enroll with him on a common class we have on college, but I don't know if he doesn't want to.

 

Is there a way I could become closer? Or just don't try forcing it anymore as there doesn't seem to be chemistry/common interests between us? Can it be that he doesn't do much more than going to college and gym and doesn't have any other interest? Would enrolling on a class with him be a good idea? What would you do?

 

I think that maybe there is still some hope on the relationship becoming stronger as it isn't always like today and he just has some/a lot bad days. In reality, we all believe one thing but in reality the opposite is in effect. Don't want this to happen.

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Why are you so fixated on this guy? He doesn't even sound interesting. Why don't you seek friendships with people you actually have something in common with? I don't get it????

 

Get involved with school groups, Meetups, volunteering, misc. clubs.

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Stop fixating on this one guy!! If i were in the gym, i would be there to do my work out and it would be really annoying if someone just keep trying to talk to me and start conversations... I'm not there for that....I'm there for my work out.

Make friends in other places!

And don't take a class with him just for him, you sound like an obsessed lovesick school girl...

Are you sure you don't have a crush on him??

There are more people to start a friendship with, why him?

It sounds like it maybe annoys him or will soon!

Friendships should develop naturally, not forced!

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maybe there is still some hope on the relationship becoming stronger
what, what relationship?! there is no relationship, this person doesn't sound interested or responsive at all, more like annoyed. stop, please.

 

i totally agree with sara, it makes gym a dread if people don't take the hint and leave you alone. and headphones in is pretty much the most universally obvious code for "leave me alone" there is, and when followed by a short dismissive remark i don't really know what else he needs to do for you to back off. keep it up and he'll be one of those people who post threads on here asking what the best way to complain to management about an annoying gym person is. or he'll decide to join a new gym that's inconveniently out of the way for him but worth the peace.

 

gahhhh!!!

 

are you a girl (or homosexual/bisexual boy)? because you sound like you're making the most frustratingly annoying kind of unwanted advances at him.

nevermind actually, if you're a straight bloke looking for a buddy you're likewise in the almost disturbing territory acting so pushy.

 

friendships aren't made aggressively. chillax and do something you enjoy, get engrossed with it and you'll meet people along the way who aren't opposed to making friends, or more, if that's what you're looking for.

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Hi PipWizard,

 

I know it's really hard making friends as an adult. It sounds like you want to make friends with this guy because you think he will be the perfect friend for you based on the superficial information you have on him. You have tried to get to know him and you have made ALL the effort with him but he is still standoffish.

 

Friendship should never need to be forced. Conversations with friends or acquaintances shouldn't need to feel forced either. I think it's time to walk away with your head held high from this guy. He is not interested in making a new friend because if he was it wouldn't have been so hard to make a friendship connection with him. Don't take this personally. I know you only wanted to gain him as a friend but trust me he is not the friend for you. In future, if you happen to pass by him at the gym just smile or say hi. He knows you are approachable and will seek you out if he wants to have a chat but please don't waste any more time on this guy and just try to move on and try to make friends with others.

 

Best of luck!

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