Broke up over a silly fight. Ex boyfriend going hot and cold now. HELP!!!!

[wittycool]

We broke up over silly reason, We had an argument and he overthinks a lot, he took my words wrong which hurt his ego and came to conclusion that I want a breakup but I am afraid to do so, so he did it and said I deserve better. He had always been honest with his feelings with me, no matter how harsh or rude it seems. I respect this thing about him and I respected his decision and walked away. He got too rude during that period, I had no choice left. I tried for 2 days to make him rethink his decision and when I dropped the last message, I got lil rude in it cuz whatever he said was too much, he replied nicely to it apologizing for his behavior and said best of luck..muaahh.

 

I went on NC. After 4 days, he texts me heart emoji and I replied the same, then the game of heart emoji's started. We even flirted a little, but then I told him friendship won't work for me and we need to set boundaries, he felt offended, unsent all the heart emoji's and replied "handshake goodnight".

 

After 2 days, he again contacted me.We are in long distance just for 3 months, and I was about to visit him next week. He asked if I am sure about meeting. I said yes, but if he is not interested, then let's not. He didn't say no, he said he is scared as what will he talk about.

 

This bought us back in contact, and we started talking normally, as if we guys are still in relationship. We started talking 24/7, sharing thoughts and feelings, and even snaps. He used to reply to everything in a nice and sweet way, except when I used to say I love you. He used to ignore this. This made me confused. I ended up asking him what are we... Normal again? Ex? Friends? cuz I assumed that we are back together. He replied that "I knew this was coming, just this time I hope it didn't. I have no answer. we are not in a relationship as I don't want one and we are not friends cuz you don't want to. I don't know..I was enjoying whatever it was"

 

I felt hurt, I didn't know what to feel after reading this. I am investing my emotions and my feelings into this guy and he seems not to respect it or maybe he chose wrong words. I know he cares though, I know I am only person who has mattered this much to him and I know I still do.

 

I am going on NC again. I am supposed to meet him next week. I am flying to his place. I don't know if I should wait for him to text me or just text him asking to meet next week]. I do want him back, but I don't want to make fool of self and my feelings.

[MissCanuck]

OP, a few questions before I give my thoughts

 

1) You said you've been long-distance for 3 months. Have you met him in person before? Were you dating before going long-distance?

 

2) How old are you both?

 

3) Where are you going to be staying on your holiday?

[wittycool]

We both are 20 and live in the same college campus and were dating from last 9 months. We both went on long distance because of summer internship. I am going to stay at my friend's house and he doesn't know the address.

[MissCanuck]

Ok, thanks for clarifying.

 

Honestly, this back-and-forth all sounds a bit immature. If he is rude, it's not a good thing or something to respect: it's a sign of disrespect toward you. Also, sending emojis and snaps is kid stuff, and cannot replace real, effective communication. You shouldn't be reduced to that in a mature relationship, nor should you tolerate rude behaviour. When you have to campaign for someone's attention, it's not a good relationship.

 

However, he was clear that you are no longer together. For this reason, I wouldn't expect or plan to meet him while you are in his area. Have fun with the friend you are staying with. But don't invest time and energy in a guy who plainly told you that you are not in a relationship. Otherwise, what will likely happen is that you will meet up with him, have your fun, and then learn that he still considers you broken up. That won't feel very good.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, don't go see him, have sex, assume you're back together, then find out YET AGAIN that he doesn't want to be in a relationship.

 

I did that. Went and saw my ex because I still loved him and wanted to get back together. We went out to lunch, hung out at his place and had sex. I called him a few days later asking why he hadn't called me (this was before cell phones). He asked why I thought he should call me! I yelled at him, accusing him of "using" me for sex. And he angrily retorted that he had NEVER said we were back together, that he didn't force me to have sex with him and that I better not try again to say he used me because I'd done it willingly.

 

He was 100% right. It WAS my fault for assuming sex meant we were back together.

 

Please don't make that mistake. Having sex with him will not guarantee he'll want to get back together.

 

I agree with Miss Canuck's advice...have fun with your friend and stay away from the guy who wants to play stupid "we're not in a relationship" games.

[wittycool]

He texted today..He said he doesn't have a name for a this relationship as he is confused. I was already in a bad mood, I said whatever,,if you want to go ..goo..he was talking to me in a calm way but he was still stuck on his point that its over as he thinks that he had tried enough to make this work. It was my mistake though. I hurt his ego and now he thinks I don't actually like him and I am scared to loose him so I am acting this way.

[wittycool]

He texted today..He said he doesn't have a name for a this relationship as he is confused. I was already in a bad mood, I said whatever,,if you want to go ..goo..he was talking to me in a calm way but he was still stuck on his point that its over as he thinks that he had tried enough to make this work. It was my mistake though. I hurt his ego and now he thinks I don't actually like him and I am scared to loose him so I am acting this way.

 

I am thinking about going for 6 days NC and then go to his place without texting him first. I know his office address, if he really wants to breakup, he will say it to me that time too...after 2 weeks, we both are returning back to college, we will see each other here almost everyday.

[reinventmyself]

He sounds confused but your responses seem to be antagonistic.

It's probably best to just tell him that you need to stop communicating. At least for the time being. All the volatile electronic exchanges is making a bad situation worse.

Tell him you respect his decision and if he changes his mind to let you know.

But in the meantime, keep your plans to visit your friend and don't count on some one who's giving you mixed messages.

If you leave,on a high note, there is a better chance of reconciliation for you two . . If it's in the cards.

[wittycool]

thanks. I did tell him today that he need to go alone for a while n figure out what he wants as I want someone who is 100% into me, someone who doesn't keeps me hanging in b/w like this. I never actually questioned his ways or anything. I guess my replies would have taken him either in a situation where he is sure about his decision or might make rethink it. I did respect his decision and walked away, no matter how much hurt I felt, but then it was him, who started talking again. I still have 6 days to go to meet him, till then I am on NC.

[MissCanuck]

Don't just show up unannounced and uninvited, especially at his office. That is not likely to go well at all.