Mixed Thoughts

[hnnng]

This might be in the wrong category so i'll try keep just short but I keep thinking to myself that I should ask out my friend and I don't know why.

 

Firstly I just want to say I'm pretty sure I don't want to date her/have a crush on her and I'm not the kind of guy who would sleep with someone I didn't care about.

 

 

I've had an aversion to dating for about 6 years because the only 2 girls I have dated were complete psychos. The first, while I was going through a rough time emotionally with a bit of depression, decided to tell my best friend she would sleep with him if I committed suicide. So he started encouraging me to do it. The 2nd decided to tell all our mutual friends that I raped her. WHICH I DID NOT DO! So I now tend to mistrust anyone who seems interested in me and because of this I tend to freak out a little when people even suggest I start looking for a girlfriend by almost snapping at them and changing the conversation topic.

I have also been rather ill with a neurological condition (My family thinks that what caused the depression) that's gone now, but may comeback and I think its unfair to date someone knowing that I may one day be ill again.

Which I think explains why I think I don't want to date anyone.

 

However if I did ask her out shes likely to say no because.

I ain't the best looking guy.

I'm I bit overweight, have no job and didn't go into higher education (because of illness)

A few of my friends have asked her out and they struck out. (maybe because they both asked her around the same time and it started causing arguments)

She's only here when collage isn't on and the rest of the time she's at the other end of the country.

She probably gets asked out a lot.

Under the fat I'm actually pretty fit and strong (gym 3-4 times a week) but shes said multiple occasions she doesn't like muscular guys.

 

 

I'm not just selling myself short, theirs a few things that may mean she might be interested in me but most of it could just be her being nice or its how she treats everyone.

She compliments my cloths.

Shes quite tall for a girl (taller than my friends who asked her out) but taller than her by almost a foot.

She says I'm funny and sweet.

We have a lot of similar interests.

She said she likes me because I remind her of her dad, with my sense of humor and how I'm so "matter of fact". I don't think I am, I'm just mean and people laugh. (not sure if its a good or bad thing but I remember my biology teacher from high school saying that women are attracted to men like their father)

 

 

So basically if I asked her out I'd be wanting a no, which is likely the answer I'd get. And regardless of the answer it would probably make things a bit weird within our group due to the others having had asked her out. Making the whole idea seem like a not smart thing to do. But yet every so often when I see her or someone mentions her in conversation, for just a second or 2 I think "I should ask her out to dinner" or something like that. then start wondering why I just though that because I don't want that.

 

Anyone got any ideas?

[Jeetsun]

I think you do want to ask this girl out, but a part of you doesn't. You're conflicted as a result of the beliefs you have about yourself which don't sound too healthy, I'm assuming this is due in part of your depression and neurological disorder. Change your perspectives and they can change your life and how you view things through your lens. Perhaps instead of taking on this self-fulfilling negative prophecy of wanting to be rejected, look at it as building character, take a chance, ask her out and see what happens. Don't go into anything with any preconceived notions or assumptions.