Hax1s Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 So here is some background about myself. I am 28 years old. I work 12 hour shifts in a factory. Before that construction. I am a veteran and was out of the service before I met her. I am working on losing weight (and doing well , only 20 more lbs for my goal) to reenlist. So here is my problem. I want to start by saying I love her. We have been together 5 years and have a 2 year old son and she has a daughter with someone else who is also amazing. My little family doesnt live like kings, I feel that I work my ass off in a job that i cant ing stand to be able to afford the house we rent for 975, utilities seperate. She works part time in retail. When I am home I like to relax and unwind from work. I try my best and I feel despite getting on constantly there I am still one of the better employs. Only because I am mentally not capable of living with myself for doing halfassed work or not trying my best despite being constantly told to do things others dont like doing because I dont to the people there. Basically I come home try to relax, dont get me wrong I do handle things around the house, I do not consider myself lazy whatsoever. I mow the lawn, I watch my son, I clean the house, dishes every now and then and cook dinner every now and then. Sometimes laundry, just bought a new washer so no more laundromat trips and now its easer. She used to live in a trailer with her ex and from what ive gathered it was a very dirty place. She had given up with him. I feel that she has trouble organizing or cleaning because she is not used to it. Her parents are very nice and also very clean people but I feel that we were brought up in two different worlds. She loves money and having/doing things like most women, which I don't mind. But I don't care for money because my parents were emotionally gone and would throw money at me instead of being mentally present. After they split my dad didnt have much and my mom was all but rich. My dad lived simple and humbly wasnt the cleanest. He was also barely in my life physically but when he decided to show up, he was mentally checked in. So from very early on I learned the only thing money is good for after Im dead and gone is what I can leave my children. Yes my stepdaughter is mine, idc what she says, her dad is a bare minimum father and a piece of work. I value little things, new socks and doing things with my small family, even if what we are doing isnt interesting seeing them happy keeps me interested. Anyhow. I can't stand how much i am nagged. She even makes it a point to say things like "do you not just like doing anything" and the facts are its because I dont drop what I am doing at the moment she wants me to do. Now if she is engaged in her attempt at cleaning "she just shoves into cupboards and stuff doesnt throw stuff out or organize" and needs me to lift something than ill help. But if she is sitting on the couch talking about things that need to get done than most likely Ill do it when i get around to it. Most of the time I follow up but her lists of things to do get so huge that i tend to forget some things. Now, here are some examples. we bought the new washer and she needed the laundry room cleaned because it was packed with stuff from just moving. For some reason it falls on me to move everything to the basement and the attic, even though she is perfectly capable of helping as well. Today I mowed the lawn, picked up dog out back weed eated, took my son to a playground with the dog. Came home and I am about to do the dishes and set on my task of moving the laundry stuff. When she texted me (she takes my car because she works when im home, i work when shes home so we dont need a sitter) asking me to find her debit card in her car. I said I will later because its pouring out and honestly i had other stuff to do that didnt involve being outside in the rain. She replied with " do you just not like doing anything" now i didnt reply. I try to avoid arguing and if i did reply with what i wanted to say she wouldnt like it. I am fed up quite honestly with her. She is an adult and cant pick up after herself. I used to at the beginning pick up the whole house, sweep mop wipe down counters and organize. But give it a week and a tornado hits the house. I got sick of it and rarely ever pick up the house and if i do its just picking up my sons toys or after myself. She cant stand it when i tell her why i dont help her. She cant accept the fact that it IS her, and when she looks at the house and notices its her dishes left out and her random buys from stores on the dining room table (that we dont need, I have thrown so much out that has gone unnoticed) she gets mad. She has every excuse, " Because i clean on my days off." my response is " why dont you pick up after yourself and put stuff away and youll spend less time cleaning and more time with us and doing things you want to do" Her response "I can't do that because I have to watch our son." or "I was tired and that stuff was left out because ill take care of it tomorrow" which sometimes it does and sometimes a week goes buy. She constantly tells me what to do, and if i dont do it in a timely fashion there is an argument. I work 3 day weekends for 12 hours everyday and some days i come home and instead of sleeping, I am doing what she tells me until about 4pm , than when she wants to go out shopping and im sleeping in the car she gets mad that i wasnt interested and I was simply tired. I am sick of being the breadwinner and coming home to not only do my fair share, but also what she asks of me on her time. I told her im fed up with her bull. That im human, and i will do it when i do it, and if she fails to see all that i actually do around here its on her. If she would start picking her up and show me she is capable of putting things away where they belong. I wouldnt mind cleaning the house again, because right now, there is so much just around and so many cupboards and drawers with useless i cant find the time to organize any of it, and I am worried that if i spend a few days cleaning everything to my standard it will just be ruined with in the week as usual. Ive tread putting my foot down and telling her if i clean the house the way i wanna do it, promise me you wont destroy it in a week. She gets pissed because she knows it will be. But still wants me to help. I am a firm believer of less is more and she clearly isnt. the little figurines she buys or shell save containers instead of throwing them out that we never end up using for anything. Shell bring home stuff her job has thrown out claiming she wants to do something artsy with it and it never happens. She buys xmas presents birthday and gifts so we have them for her family parties that have been here for 3 years now. I am sick of it. I just want to not live like dirtbags and get her to start picking up after herself so if i clean i know the place will stay nice and I can keep up with it daily or when im not working. I will be relaxing and she will stand in the doorway giving me a list of things she wants done. Nope. I dont tell her what to do. I dont even tell her she has to try and clean, cause quite frankly I feel its not my place to order her around. She is human and an adult. I dont force her to do anything because if she doesnt i end up doing it eventually. She finds things that dont need to be done right away and claims it needs to get done. when in all reality there are more important things. Some days I feel like i can do everything there is to do around here and she will still find more for me to do. Its not rewarding, she doesnt get in a better mood if i do it, and nor is it appreciated that i did it in any way, shape or form because it was simple just something that needed to be done anyhow. If anything i just need a way to talk to her that gets her to see it from my point of view. Something to trick her mind into seeing what i go through with her nagging and not picking up after herself. Do i just go into WW3 with her and just not pick up after myself and then order her around until she cant stand me? because i feel that will do more harm then good. Ive already tried talking to her about it, but she lists off excuses. She acts like taking care of our son is hard, when i do it too. I try to understand everyone is built differently, maybe she cant handle taking care of him and doing other things. Idk. Orrrr... Maybe I am wrong about all this and it is my fault. I always try to question myself first, when people get mad at me, I search within myself to find what I may have done wrong and how what i did could justify them being angry at me. But when i do it with her I find nothing. I can only see me being a sarcastic to her lately cause im getting fed up with it but even then she sometimes finds it funny. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.