She just broke up with her boyfriend, but I've had a thing for her for a while.

[ggp8]

Hey all,

 

So my friend whom I met about 3 months ago just broke up with her boyfriend. She had been dissatisfied with the relationship for a while. I never gave her any real advice because I wanted her to make the decision on her own.

 

So, some backstory. We get along great. We are both contemplative and on the same wave length. I feel like there's been some vague feelings between us, but I've never had a girlfriend and am not experienced in this area. I'm 28, she's 25, and we are both in a state of life transition. She's finishing up her masters and isn't quite sure where she will end up, but she wants it to be in the area. It just depends on who will hire her. I just graduated college (it took a while because I took a couple years off), and so am in my own transition.

 

At the same time, the thought of taking things further with her sounds nice.

 

I just don't know how to do it or if I should do it.

 

The objections I have in my mind:

• She just broke up with her boyfriend. Is it too soon?
  
• She's in a state of life transition and doesn't know where she will land. She said she's open to flings right now thoguh.
  
• I am scared that I may screw up the friendship we have if I express my interest in her.
  

 

That being said, my friends are saying it's worth a shot, and I've got more to gain by trying than to lose. You know, the whole "you never know until you try, you can never succeed without being willing to fail" type of thing.

 

But in addition to the above worries, I'm also not sure how I should word my interest in her if that is indeed a good idea. I want to bring it up while also having room for a safety net if she says no.

 

I was thinking something along the lines of:

 

"Hey, I felt like I should tell you: I like you. I'm drawn to your personality. I was just curious what you thought of me. And also, I understand that you just broke up with your boyfriend and you are going through a turbulent period of life. But I just wanted to let you know so that it's not simmering unhealthfuly beneath us."

 

Do y'all have any advice?

[j.man]

Don't be a vulture unless you're ready and willing to dine on scraps.

 

Been there and done that, as I'd bet most men have at some point or another. More often than not, they're not going to be emotionally available to be in a relationship. And while you might think, "Hey, that's cool with me, I'm fine with having a fling," you're then running the risk of some first rate drama.

[ggp8]

Yeah, that's another thing that crossed my mind. I'm just not sure if I was part of the reason she broke it off. I get this vague sense that she likes me. But I'm guessing it would be safer to just give it time and be her friend in the meanwhile?

[Careerchoice]

Of course you should let her know. Act on your feelings instead of hiding them like you've been doing. I mean the friendship is a sham anyway. She's not your friend. She's a girl you're interested in.

 

I wouldn't have a serious talk with her about it. I would flirt with her and make a move on her.

 

As for her just getting out of a relationship, she's going to find some other guy if you don't go for her.

 

I wouldn't keep her as a "friend" either. She'll be occupying your mind and preventing you from seeking out other girls, something you should be doing anyway.

[ShatteredMan]

Don't be a vulture unless you're ready and willing to dine on scraps.

 

What an awesome quote!

 

I would stay in her orbit but do not initiate any contact with her. You don't know the full story with her. Don't get emotionally tied up with her until she communicates definitively that she's interested either verbally or through behavior.

 

If you do "miss out on her" because she chooses another guy, just give it time. Let him be the rebound unless you don't really see her as a long-term investment.

[taj022]

Ok so I've been in this situation but in her shoes.

Yes give her time rarely anyone wants to jump from one relationship to another and you don't wanna pressure her with your feelings

Feel her out, hang out with her talk to her and depending on the situation(her breakup & personality) about 2 months let let her know