glddstgpsy Posted May 25, 2017 Share Posted May 25, 2017 My wife and I have been married for 3 years, together for almost 14, and we have 2 kids (7 and 18). The past couple of years it has been bad. My wife doesnt like to talk about things, so she waits until her feelings build up and then she explodes in anger. My wife and I had a particularly bad year last year because I was in school, work was stressful, and she felt abandoned. She would explode in anger sometimes at night, saying she wanted a divorce. I cried each time, but the next morning, she was always apologetic, so I never thought that her feelings were so bad because things always went back to normal the next day. Towards the end of the year last year, I decided we should have date nights once a month, so we did, and they were always nice. Things were going well, or so I thought, until the end of March when she all of a sudden started saying I was smothering her and to get away. I was so confused, but I obliged as best as I could. Then she said she was going on a vacation by herself, which is weird (she doesnt like to be alone). Come to find out she has been talking to her ex that she was with before me, who lives in a completely different state. She refused to tell me where she was going on her vacation, but over time as it got closer she confirmed that she was going to see her ex. She also confirmed that her ex is coming here this weekend, and she is going to be spending it with her. I decided we needed to go to marriage counseling. Weve been to two sessions so far, but each time, she doesnt say much, and indicates afterwards that it is stupid and a waste of time - but at least she goes. We talked a lot the week before she left, and she said she had made a mistake but didnt want to cancel her vacation now since it was so close.. she said she was going to find other things to do down there and ditch the ex. She left last Friday after a nice, loving couple of days. I didnt hear from her until late Friday night via a quick text... I told her to call me later but she never did. Saturday morning I tried calling her but she flipped it to voicemail. She finally called me saturday afternoon, and reassured me that nothing was going on and shes not stupid enough to do anything with anyone. Sunday morning she came home, and of course I was upset because I thought I would have heard from her more - which leads me to believe the worst. This past week has been iffy, were on and off. If I try to talk about us, she gets upset and doesnt want to talk. She will hang up the phone, or leave the room. So, I wrote her a note that said she can have her space that she requested, but that I will be here if she needs me. Last night, we were sitting holding hands. In the middle of the night, she rolls over and holds me. She calls me every day on her break and at lunch, and texts me periodically throughout the day - nothing like before though. Our phone calls are 'different' from before, she seems... bleh. I dont know how to act to give her space... she is doing this all because I have made her feel abandoned. Do I not answer her phone calls or texts? What about when we are both at home in the evening? Do I not talk to her? I know I have to make her miss me... but I cant just up and leave because we have a 7 year old together. Shes going out tonight with her mom and friends, do I make plans with a friend one night next week? Im so afraid of doing the wrong thing to push her away. I dont want to make her feel more abandoned, but I dont want to be held on by a string either. I love her more than anything, Ive worked so hard to build a wonderful life and family with her. This is absolutely killing me inside. Does anyone have any advice? Link to comment
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