I am in love with someone but his parents love his ex

[roxanneng]

Hi,

I need help. I am devastated and broken and I do not have anyone to talk to. What is wrong with me? How did I even get into this situation? Why did I allow myself get into this? What did I even expect?

 

This is my story.

I dated my family friend for two years. Four months to the 2 years anniversary, we got into a big fight. A fight based on insecurities. It was the last straw on my back and it broke. I told him I couldn't go ahead with the relationship. He begged but I had been pushed too far. So things were almost rock bottom. Fast forward he couldn't take it anymore and he broke up with me.

 

Then I met someone. He was amazing. He treated me with so much respect but his parents loved his ex. We did not date but we got close. I asked why he broke up with his ex he said distance was too much and he doesn't feel like she is the one for him. However, his parents feel that he is out of his mind. They told him that he already made her comfortable in the family to just drop her after 2 years and that he has to get married to her and that's all they know. He fought against them but I was labeled the enemy.

 

I hadn't even met them. His parents think I am the one causing their family to fall apart and they started isolating him. They broke up in December but his parents still talk to her and send her money. This is May and things have gotten worse. A single guy fell in love with me and said I was the one but couldn't start anything with me because of the drama.

 

Yesterday he told me that he was going back to her and he loves me so much but he can't stand the isolation from his family. He said he feels like the only way out is for him to go back. I was mad. But what could I have done. It's not my battle and I deserve so much more. I sent him a long message and he texted his own back to me ending with "I love you so much. You are the one for me and I am so sorry for dragging you into all of this. I hope we can be friends"

 

He was travelling so i decided to follow him to the airport. Left work early to get to his; but he was at his moms. I call to ask for directions and he picks and describes the way. His mom asks "Who are you giving directions to?" and he says me and she flips out. says why am I following him to the airport and it's not right and no matter what he if he is not gonna be with his ex; then he is not gonna be with me either. He told me that this statement broke him and he couldn't take it anymore. He said I would be miserable. So he is gonna go back because of the drama. and when he gets out he is gonna look for me.

 

Do i believe him? Not really. Its like I am waiting for something bad to happen to him and his ex so i can be happy.

 

I am broken. Heartbroken.

Would I say I saw this coming? maybe I did but I didn't expect this because my parents loved my ex also and begged me to go back to him; after so much failed persuasion, they gave up.

 

I told him not to talk to me again. And I mean it

 

Please let me hear your thoughts about this. I honestly cannot take this and I want to move on

[Annia]

I'm very sorry for all of this. Are you guys from a culture of arranged marriage?

 

Do you really want to be with someone that is so manipulated by his family that he's even willing to enter a relationship he doesn't want just to please his family? And his family is totally messed up. Come on... this is just too much drama and you deserve and can do better. And no, don't believe in him and stay there hanging on. This is not a drama movie or a novel, this is real life. And yes, you did the right thing with cutting contact with him. It's necessary for you to be able to move on. Don't enter these family drama shananigans of his, please.

[ShatteredMan]

You've done the right thing. Take time to do some things that make you happy away from him, this messed up situation, parents etc.

 

You've already communicated that you're done with the situation AND YOU ARE.

 

Now follow through and go no contact which will give you time for your heart and mind to heal from this experience. Your life will go on without your ex and you will meet someone new who was everything that he wasn't.

 

You will feel those same feelings of attraction and eventually love again. It will take time and work on who you are as a person so that you are ready for that guy to come into your life.

[itsallgrand]

He's a big boy. Had he really wanted to date you, he would have. You got a bunch of excuses early - the sign he wasn't available.

 

You are doing the right thing moving on. Next time a guy gives you reasons why he can't properly date you, doesn't matter what they are - take that as your cue to walk away.

[Annia]

He's a big boy. Had he really wanted to date you, he would have. You got a bunch of excuses early - the sign he wasn't available.

 

You are doing the right thing moving on. Next time a guy gives you reasons why he can't properly date you, doesn't matter what they are - take that as your cue to walk away.

 

I agree with this a lot.

 

When someone says "I can't have a relationship (with you) because...", translate it in your mind to "I don't want a relationship with you". Their reasons might true and valid, but the bottom line is that one can't do nothing about it and has to move on.