hwm8 Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 So about a year ago she broke up with me. I was partying all the time and not really doing much with my life. Fast forward a few months and I quit drinking, became a very active runner, and have a great job. This was about July. Since then she showed back up in my life we've been working on getting back together. Things have been good overall. We went on a trip out of the country for a long weekend and had a great time. We dont fight as bad as we used to etc etc etc. An odd thing is starting in October we stopped having sex because she said she wanted to make sure we could fix our relationship first. And now the problem lately is her life has hit a rough patch. Her grandmother just came back from being out of the country for 6 months and shes very sick. On top of that about 2 weeks ago she found out her mom was sick too. Her grandma lives with her so she has to take care of her. Because of this she told me she won't have much time to see me and that she can only see me on Sundays after work for a couple hours. I let her know I didnt like it but I understood. This past Sunday she canceled on me (it was mothers day so i didnt get upset) but now it's been a week and a half since we've seen each other. She used to text me daily to see how my day was. She hasn't done that since this whole thing started. We have plans for this Sunday but I'm a bit worried she'll cancel again. I know shes stressed but I would think she'd have time to at least text for a few moments during the week or be able to meet more than just 2-3 hours on Sundays. This whole working on getting back together thing is stressful at times especially with all these external factors coming into play. Am I overreacting? Or is she using this as an excuse to slowly drift away again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Do you ever text her and see how she is doing or offer words of love or support during the day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hwm8 Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 Yes I have a couple times. She's very determined to get through things like this by herself so i try to find that balance of showing her I care and giving her space to deal with it the way she needs to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 Seeing as both her Mother and Grandmother are ill, maybe just give her a bit more time till things settle down. If things don't get better once her family isn't so ill, than be concerned. Hopefully your date this weekend will give you a better picture of how she is feeling though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'd think that if she were into the relationship, she'd be reaching out to you a bit more during a challenging time. No one is too busy to send a message in this modern age of communication, especially if they are in love. When a woman dumps you and takes you back, its difficult because she's been calling all the shots. She's going to feel in control and that's not healthy. Right now you are waiting to hear from a GF who rarely reaches out to you, cancels dates and doesn't have sex with you. You're waiting for things to get better. You are not getting the deal you want, and its often best to walk away until the deal we want and deserve comes to us. Maybe be best to tell her to call it a day for now, she can call you when things settle down and she wishes to connect a bit more, but this isn't working for you at the moment. Continue to enjoy that job and your new, healthy lifestyle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WombatShadow Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 I'd think that if she were into the relationship, she'd be reaching out to you a bit more during a challenging time. No one is too busy to send a message in this modern age of communication, especially if they are in love. I would like to play devil's advocate here and point out that some people withdraw during extremely stressful periods. When my ex's dad died, it was like I was dating a shell for about three months. Eventually he felt able to break down with me around and things improved greatly, but it took time and a lot of patience. It helped that it was summer break, so he wasn't working and had no excuse to keep me from invading his apartment. When his dad was dying (it took about five years, and we only dated for the last six months of his life), there were many periods where my ex didn't have the emotional or physical capacity to contact us for weeks at a time. OP, have patience with her. Give her your support but don't demand that she open up to you or that she give you her time. Ask if you can do anything to help with her mother or grandmother, and if not then just assure her that you will be there when she needs you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 She stopped having sex with him last October. He's shown plenty of patience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WombatShadow Posted May 18, 2017 Share Posted May 18, 2017 But they aren't officially back together, and according to OP they were doing better at getting close up until the sicknesses hit her family. I think it's wise to not keep having sex until the relationship is fixed up, because sex complicates everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hwm8 Posted May 18, 2017 Author Share Posted May 18, 2017 But they aren't officially back together, and according to OP they were doing better at getting close up until the sicknesses hit her family. I think it's wise to not keep having sex until the relationship is fixed up, because sex complicates everything. Makes sense. Yeah we're not officially together. We made an agreement to not date/see other people while were working on our relationship but we aren't officially gf/bf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawnfawn Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 She stopped having sex with him last October. He's shown plenty of patience. Thank god you've got your priorities straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giblesp Posted May 19, 2017 Share Posted May 19, 2017 Thank god you've got your priorities straight. Thats an assumption your making. Just because someone might wish to have sex after 6 months doesn't mean its all they think about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawnfawn Posted May 20, 2017 Share Posted May 20, 2017 Thats an assumption your making. Just because someone might wish to have sex after 6 months doesn't mean its all they think about. You're right. But it doesn't hurt my argument if you've brought it up on two separate occasions. It isn't the only thing you're thinking about, but it's definitely one of your priorities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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