Marmy1258 Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Hi all First time post, sorry its long. Some questions at the end. Me and my girlfriend are together 4 months things started off great and we fell for each other rather quickly. We both love each other alot and everyone we know says how in love we are. I then started to notice she had a lot of guy friends and would be messaging them alot. I have no problem with guy friends but some these guys were people she met while travelling and only met once in her life. I found this strange and it led to numerous arguments. I then seen her txting one and he was asking "when do i get to see your pretty face again?" to which she replied "whenever you come to see me (and lots of smilies)" I asked her about it and she said it never said that and deleted her txts. Suspicious about this i went through her phone one night and found an old chat where she was having txt sex with him (Before we were together) and also found txts to her ex saying she missed him and wanted him. I confronted her about it and she said she was trying to spare the exs feeling because she broke his heart. She then broke up with me for violating her privacy. We since got back together and she has stopped txting guys who arent actuall her friends and blocked her ex. Im still angry about the whole thing and drunkenly brought it up the other night and was mean to her about it which put us back on the rocks. Do you think its ok to be txting guys shes met once in her life? Is it ok to txt a guy she has previously been having txt sex with? Was i wrong to go through her phone? Should we try work it out? Any other observations or advice would be very welcome as i really dont know what to do, this is all new to me. Thanks Link to comment
Brokenheartedm Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Similar situation id be pissed to man, i was causing alot of arguements cause id never do that to my ex and it was making me mad, i also did not mind guy friends but one i didnt know were to be blocked and besides frommwanting to be controlled she did it so she didnt lose me, it was not until her coworker was constantly kept snapping her i lost it cause i knew from day one he liked her after breakup she played him and friendzoned him wish i believed her but they shouldnt be txting other guys if she cares the other guys should be blocked Link to comment
Marmy1258 Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 Exactly like im not doing it to her. also ive nothing to hide i told her she can see my phone whenever she wants and gave her my passcode and everything but she still says me going through her phone was a violation of her privacy which i understand it is but shes saying she doesnt know if she will ever get over it and such. I cant figure out does she just want drama or what? Link to comment
Careerchoice Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Do you think its ok to be txting guys shes met once in her life? Depends on the substance of the texts. Is it ok to txt a guy she has previously been having txt sex with? You're not OK with it (which you shouldn't be OK with it) and that's all that matters. Don't doubt yourself. Was i wrong to go through her phone? Come on now. You found something so you were justified in looking. Don't let her give you any guff about that. Should we try work it out? That's up to you. Ask yourself what you want. We can't decide that for you. Any other observations or advice would be very welcome as i really dont know what to do, this is all new to me. Either she is sincere in her apology and understands your boundaries and will respect them from now on, or she won't. No way for us to know and only time will tell. Up to you whether you want to invest more time in her and risk more potential heartache. On one hand, don't let paranoia over past events cloud your judgment, but be skeptical as to her true intentions until she proves to you that she has changed. Tough line to walk. Link to comment
Marmy1258 Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 Thanks that was really helpful. i find it hard not to doubt myself but ill try. At times i feel like shes manipulating me and either wants to get out of the relationship without hurting me or just wants complete control of the relationship e.g make me think everything i do is wrong so she can do whatever she want like txts all these guys. Link to comment
tallydoo Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 It sounds like you're not okay with the way she's acting; you need to consider if you can put up with it if it continues, or if you'd rather pursue someone who doesn't behave this way. Link to comment
Careerchoice Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Thanks that was really helpful. i find it hard not to doubt myself but ill try. At times i feel like shes manipulating me and either wants to get out of the relationship without hurting me or just wants complete control of the relationship e.g make me think everything i do is wrong so she can do whatever she want like txts all these guys. But remember the line in the sand must be drawn hard. If she violates your boundaries, the relationship gotta end as you gotta be the one to end it. The game of love is not for the faint of heart. Link to comment
jujusamples Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 All of this sums up to; you DON'T trust her! Not sure what she has going on with this guy but it does sound a little bit shady! That does NOT however, give you the right to go through her phone. You two are not good for each other. She's dishonest, and you can't trust her. Honestly, if my partner invades my privacy, it's a deal breaker. It's not that I have anything to hide, it's just I can not be someone whom doesn't trust me and does not give my personal space. Link to comment
Brokenheartedm Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Me and my ex made our passcodea the same on both phones our anniversary nothing to hide still bothered me but i felt better Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Wait, were these texts to her ex sent in the time you've been together? Or before you started dating? Link to comment
Marmy1258 Posted May 14, 2017 Author Share Posted May 14, 2017 Wait, were these texts to her ex sent in the time you've been together? Or before you started dating? Txts to ex were sent while we were together along with some rather long facetime chats. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted May 14, 2017 Share Posted May 14, 2017 Txts to ex were sent while we were together along with some rather long facetime chats. In that case, forget this girl. She's still into her ex. You'd be wasting your time trying to make this work. Her heart is still largely with him. Link to comment
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