im scared of my girlfriend

[whiteboard123]

so we've been dating for around 2 years now and i really love her. alot. i hate seeing her sad and would literally do anything for her. iknow she loves me to but she has anger problems. we argue atleast once a month and its always bad. she always gets super angry and tells me to ' off' or something like that. it hurts alot. today, she was acting a little weird as i asked her whats wrong and she didnt tell me. she said 'its nothing, dw' but i kept asking. then i got to a point where i felt like i was being super annoying so i stopped asking because she wasnt telling me. (bare in mind, i have a maths AQA A-Level exam in 3 days so i have to revise.) i would have went over to hers but i couldnt as i have to revise. then later she texts me saying that 'i really dont care about her' when i do. she said ' i didnt even bother asking if i could come' over eventhough i was going to come later at night. so she told me she had told someone else what was wrong. now shes still being angry with me and i dont know what to do. i hate it because i cant tell her how i feel because im scared if i do, she'll dump me and thats the last thing i want. when shes mad i cant do anything. i cant eat, sleep, or revise. i really love her and i dont know what to do.

[Wiseman2]

Ignore her. She's being a drama queen and the more you feed that, the worse it gets. Just be chill and calm and stop reacting, pestering or taking the bait.

 

You should be dumping her not hoping she doesn't dump you. Stop being a cowering doormat. respect yourself and expect respect from others. Tell her you need space to study. Tell your parents how she's treating you. She's a bully.

iknow she loves me to but she has anger problems. we argue atleast once a month. she said 'its nothing, dw' but i kept asking.

[katrina1980]

Agree with Wiseman, find your self-respect, and you dump her! She sounds mentally abusuve and frankly horrible. Why you allow this is beyond me.

 

Believe me you are NOT scoring any points with her by choosing to stay.

 

No doubt she has already lost total respect for you which is precisely why she deems it acceptable to treat you this way. No woman who respected you would.

 

Again, find your self-respect and leave.

 

And don't ever allow a woman to treat you this way ever again.

 

Good luck moving forward!

[Giblesp]

You love her, so you're not saying anything because you want to be with her so much.

 

That's not love at all. Your being abused and taking it because your scared of being alone. This is why so many people put up with abuse in their lives. Right now you are her doormat, and unless you stop taking this and walk away you will always be someones doormat.

 

Tell her she can talk to you when she's ready to communicate in an adult and mature like fashion, your life is a drama free zone and you will not tolerate it. Then walk away and don't reach out to her or reply unless she is mature and communicative. Frankly, I don't see that happening and I personally would walk away and never look back.

[Careerchoice]

It all comes down to self respect. How can anyone give you the best you deserve if you don't demand the best from them? Don't settle for anything less.

 

If you start demanding to be treated the best, you will find people will treat you better because they won't want to lose you. They will value you.

 

Set an ultimatum. Either she treats you better, or you leave. Then if she fails, leave. It may not be easy, but it's not complicated.

[whiteboard123]

but the thing is, when she's not angry, she's amazing. she's the happiest and funniest person I've ever met. plus, even if I did dump her, I would see her everyday for the next 2 years in college which would probably kill me knowning she's no loner mine.

[Doodlydoodle]

Some people have said dump her - actually I think this is jumping the gun and is too soon to determine whether it's fixable. You clearly love her, but she needs to learn how to communicate her feelings better and that's not your fault.

 

Talk to her in a way that she wont react and explain how you're feeling. Maybe even write it as a letter. The true test is seeing how she deals with it, not seeing how she reacts when her emotions are high because anyone can say things they don't mean when they are upset about something. Although this doesn't mean she can treat you like crap. If she keeps treating you like this and makes no effort to understand your perspective, then that's when you should think about whether this is the right person for you. But don't give up without trying.

[Giblesp]

but the thing is, when she's not angry, she's amazing. she's the happiest and funniest person I've ever met. plus, even if I did dump her, I would see her everyday for the next 2 years in college which would probably kill me knowning she's no loner mine.

 

 

But of course, bi polars are usually very attractive, talented people. If they were horrible all of the time it would be very easy to walk away from them. Whats worse they'll usually reel you back in with their beauty and then turn nasty again. Your then in a chronic push/pull addiction akin to a heroin habit.

[katrina1980]

This isn't even about "her."

 

OP, it's about YOU.

 

You are "scared" of her, that is dysfunctional and unhealthy.

 

No man should feel "scared" of his own girlfriend, that alone, regardless of how she is treating you is unhealthy, dysfunctional and so wrong.

 

How did this happen? You feeling scared of her. When did it start? Do you often feel scared of women? Did you feel scared growing up? Did you grow up with a strong male role model? That you could talk to and look up to?

 

Re gf, don't say SHE is this and SHE is that, nevermind her, how do YOU "allow yourself" to become "scared" of her? I am having difficulty wrapping my brain around how this could happen.

 

If you choose to stay, work on THAT. Your fear of your own girlfriend.

 

Once you figure that out, and resolve, I suspect everything else will fall into place including g you realizing she is all wrong for you and leave. Hopefully way before that though, cause resolving these types of issues takes a long time.

[jujusamples]

Your girlfriend is a passive-aggressive bully! She's treating you this way because you allow her to. I say it's not too late to stop her from feeding you all this drama.

 

I agree with Wiseman, you should be the one dumping her, not the other way around. If you keep enabling her behavior it's only going to get worst. Give yourself some respect and not feed into her abusive behavior. Love yourself before other's could love you!

[katrina1980]

But of course, bi polars are usually very attractive, talented people. If they were horrible all of the time it would be very easy to walk away from them. Whats worse they'll usually reel you back in with their beauty and then turn nasty again. Your then in a chronic push/pull addiction akin to a heroin habit.

 

I think you may be confusing bipolar with borderline personality disorder.

 

Bipolar is a mood disorder, extreme highs and lows, some experience more severe than others. They rarely if ever lash out or are cruel to others. They are either on a high during which they are exhuberant and happy, or low during which they often withdraw and prefer to be alone.

 

I am Bipolar2 (less severe than Bipolar1), diagnosed several years ago, and am literally never cruel, abusuve or nasty to my boyfriends or anyone. Nor are any others I know who suffer from this illness.

 

She sounds more like she suffers from BPD (Borderlne), there are several threads discussing this disorder.

 

Boderlines tend to switch from extremely loving/caring/kind to cruel/abusive/nasty suddenly and without warning, valuing and then devaluing their partner, among other symptoms that make them very difficult people to have a relationship with. A healthy functional one anyway.

[Wiseman2]

Ok a pet wolf can be amazing too but when they are not amazing, they bite. Moral of the story: Don't keep wild animals as pets.

when she's not angry, she's amazing. would probably kill me knowning she's no loner mine.