should i meet my ex or not?

[zara]

i have the opportunity of meeting the ex that i thought was the one. we had a messy break up. i was really hurt. should i arrange to meet him and be friends, since we cared for each other so much? or is it a bad idea...

[cassiana]

What are the circumstances of the meeting?

I would definitely go if it was to a meeting where I would be shown to my best advantage. If it was a place where I didn't feel confident, then I wouldn't go.

I would also pretend that the messy breakup hadn't happened and would never refer to it.

[esboogie143]

I personally wouldn't meet him. I must ask beside just wanting to be "friends" is there any other reason for the meeting. Are you ready from within to meet him? How long has it been since the breakup? That plays an impt facto because if u have not seen him in a while then hopefully all the feelings and emotions dont return and if so you will be right back to square one.

[JT]

How long has it been? If its fairly recent then it will just reopen old wounds. I have'nt seen my ex in a year and I can honestly say if I saw her I would be hurt. But then again I left her and she went to one of my old "friends". It was messy for me too but I guess it depends on the circumstances of the breakup and the sole purpose for the meeting.

 

Give me more details and perhaps I can be of more assistance

[zara]

we broke up a year ago...it was a mutual break up, in the sense that we both didnt speak to each other again. very weird...we never said goodbye. i guess it is clearly a case of him probably being more of the dumper than me, because after a week of not hearing from him i called him to see if he was ok. he didnt answer my two or three calls, and i didnt continue calling him. i assumed he would come to me when he was ready but he never came. funnily enough i bumped into him three months ago outside a cafe and our eyes just locked. we stared for what seemed like minutes and without either of us saying anything he got into his car and left. i was really hurt, i flipped out and wrote him an email saying feelings came back and i must still really love him. he wrote me an email saying our issues could never be resolved. i didnt reply, and decided to move on. i found someone new...someone who i really like, have potential to love. i am happy...but last month i emailed him, not expecting a reply, saying shall we be friends? he replied a week later saying maybe its not a bad idea...and since then i have asked him a few times to meet me...but he seems to always be busy. so i wrote him an email saying ur obviously not ready to be friends, im really happy, and doing fine...there is a place in my life for u if someday u r ready...and he replied saying he had just been busy and acting normal as tho he does want to be friends. i dont know if being friends will hurt me...i think it just might, but i do care abt him a lot, and i have lived without him and been happy...i dont need him...but i dont know if i should have to live without someone i know so well, without someone who i care abt a lot. i also, however, dont want to screw up my own happiness and put that in jeopardy. i have a feeling that if we are friends, we might start falling for each other again. it could be messy...unless i keep a cool head abt it and am strong abt boundaries...

[JT]

I personally think that if you befriend him again that these feelings are going to come back. Not a good idea if your in a relationship currently with the person you say you have potential to love. Im sure your current BF is'nt going to like you talking to the ex either. I think there's a mutual unsaid feeling that you still do care for eachother and thats fine. Sometimes you just can't be in the others' presense, with that being said it does'nt matter if you currently have someone or not.. those feelings are going to come back whether you like it or not. If your happy with the way things are then leave them be. This whole episode is your subconscious telling you want what you can't have. If its a situation where your not over your ex then thats completely different. But leave well enough alone.. dont go back there.. you'll regret it. In my experience with my ex, we broke up horribly. Her last words were I hate you.. haunts me still but I know we could never be friends or anything like that, so its more of a solid "closure" for us. With you, and mutual breakups.. or so called "mutual breakups" its a little different.

 

Leave it be.. you both know you care about eachother. Words and friendship will not better either of you.

[cassiana]

considering what you said in your last email I would strongly advise you not to meet him. Voncentrate on this new relationship. You are obviously too attached to your ex to be friends with him. Don't throw away a great new relationship to try and ressurect the old one. Also stop ringing and emailing him. He should take the initiative and he will if he cares about you and he won't if he doesn't. Contacting him will only drive him further away.

[justsweetgirl]

I tried being friends with my ex while in a new, healthy relationship. I thought we had stuff to resolve. Whatever I thought I needed from my ex pales in comparison to what I have with my girlfriend. I didn't take her feelings into account. I thought, since I didn't want to get back together with my ex, it was harmless. It wasn't. I hurt my wonderful girlfriend and all but killed my relationship. I was selfish and inconsiderate. You shouldn't always do what you want, just because you want to. You have to remember your priorities.

[Day_Walker]

If you are COMPLETELY over him and you have healed from the situation then its possible that you can be friends with him but if thats not the case then you shouldnt be meeting him.

[zara]

thanks for everyones advice...it is really helpful. i guess deep down i know i shouldnt meet him, we will both just fall for each other all over again, and i have the most to lose...before i lost my sanity...and i dont want to lose my dignity. i do have the capacity to love my new boyfriend, but i know that it cant really be possible between us because he is moving to central america next year for a year. and the things i like about him seem to be the qualities that remind me a lot of my ex...i dont knw if thats a coincidence or not.

 

but the point is that deep down...i fear that circumstances have caused me to be separated from the one. its this really strong feeling...and even tho now i am perfectly in control of myself, and know that if i dont want to talk to him again i will not...this feeling has lingered on for a long time. and i have this strange feeling that he might feel the same way. i guess the only thing to do is to be independent, not call email or text him ever again...and move on. if he does feel the same way...he will be back.

[kskm]

Friendship can end in love but love cant ever end in friendship.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Friendship can end in love but love cant ever end in friendship.

 

"Can't ever" is an overstatement, but sadly, 95% of that time that is true.