Bumped into my ex after 4 months of No Contact?

[petrichors]

Hey guys,

 

So I broke up with my ex boyfriend roughly 4 months ago and I've been very happy with my life - I've been making tons of good changes to my routine and I don't think about him anymore. However, today on campus, I was coming out of the elevator to leave, and he was waiting right in front to get in. We made eye contact for a brief second before we broke away and I walked off with my friends (it literally felt like something from a drama lol). I noticed that he looked at me with a really sad gaze, as if he still cared about me but couldn't be with me - and that kind of shook me. We never found closure, so I guess it hurts me to be reminded of the crappy ending we had. I really don't want to let this set me back from moving forward with my life. I was doing so well, but I feel like those couple of seconds knocked me down a little bit. Any advice?

[ConfusedGirl7]

Hey guys,

 

So I broke up with my ex boyfriend roughly 4 months ago and I've been very happy with my life - I've been making tons of good changes to my routine and I don't think about him anymore. However, today on campus, I was coming out of the elevator to leave, and he was waiting right in front to get in. We made eye contact for a brief second before we broke away and I walked off with my friends (it literally felt like something from a drama lol). I noticed that he looked at me with a really sad gaze, as if he still cared about me but couldn't be with me - and that kind of shook me. We never found closure, so I guess it hurts me to be reminded of the crappy ending we had. I really don't want to let this set me back from moving forward with my life. I was doing so well, but I feel like those couple of seconds knocked me down a little bit. Any advice?

 

I know exactly how that feels! I wrk w my ex n it sets me back each time. Glad to hear your healing. I feel as if I am except when I see him. Good thing is we wrk on different shifts.

[focus4000]

One thing I've learned is you can't change how you feel.

You may bump into them, and it may suck every time; but using it as a reminder that you can feel that way about someone has worked for me.

 

There are the options of investigating those feelings, or coping with them. If you wish to move on, just find the best way to cope with these situations whenever they hapen. All the while, look forward to the moments you don't have to worry and seek ways to grow with those moments to get you into a better place. I wouldn't put much energy into thinking about the next bump-in, but more towards what you're gonna do in advent of the fact that this moment has passed.

 

Just my thoughts

[JoeyD2000]

Did you guys have a nasty breakup? Was it mutual / respectful ?

 

If it hurts to much stay NC, if you think you can have a decent conversation maybe call him & have a chat?

 

I actually contacted my ex recently & I knew it would hurt however I was cool with it. We cleared up a few things & wished each other the best. It's still sad however at least we both know we care n respect each other.

 

DO NOT contact if you think you'll only go backwards 😊

[Wiseman2]

Ending it is closure. It's over like a bad dream. The most important thing is you got out, realize it was abusive and realize your role/reaction.

 

Your insight and reflection on this is also a good sign that you understand the dynamic. Just keep moving forward and now you are that much wiser about red flags for abuse.

 

Brush this encounter off and say to yourself: 'just another jerk walking around campus' and mentally dissociate.

We made eye contact for a brief second before we broke away and I walked off with my friends. We never found closure, so I guess it hurts me to be reminded of the crappy ending we had.

[petrichors]

Yes, it was a very nasty breakup. We were arguing over text and he was saying some really mean things, so I had to break it off and block him without giving him a choice or say in continuing our relationship. I don't think any of us are in the mental position to be speaking to each other right now - it would hurt too much. I think we should give it more time. But thank you so much for the advice, I appreciate it!