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petrichors

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  1. Hi all, I've been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for almost two years, and I can confidently say that this partnership is the best relationship I've been in so far. As someone who's been in multiple toxic relationships where both partners couldn't stop arguing, my boyfriend and I get along very well. This isn't to say we don't argue at all, but we have pretty good conflict management and can resolve our issues quickly. We live together and share a lot of common hobbies. He's not only a great roommate, but someone I'm comfortable with seeing and living with every day. The only problem is that I'm starting to feel like he's more of my best friend than my boyfriend. Ever since the pandemic, we haven't been going on dates, which is understandable - but now that restrictions are starting to lift, I feel like there is definitely an opportunity for him to plan stuff for us to do together. Also, he's not really the romantic, masculine type. He doesn't like taking photos (he says he only likes "candid" photos, not ones where everyone is smiling/posing), he doesn't use social media (so he doesn't post about us), he doesn't compliment me often, etc. All in all, he's not the type to outwardly show affection in any way. The most he'll do is surprise me with snacks from time to time when he goes grocery shopping. And the thing that concerns me the most is that we don't really have sex anymore. When we first started dating, we'd have sex at least 2-3 times a week, but it started to dwindle down because we didn't get a lot of sleep during this time. To clarify, we were each other's first real sexual experience. I've been sexually intimate with other guys before, but never had full-on sex with any of them - but I know what I like. On the other hand, my current partner has had 0 sexual experience, so he doesn't really know what he's doing. I've been quite patient with him but we've had a lot of trouble figuring out what works for us. He's the type to want to finish and be done, rather than enjoying the act if that makes sense. For me, I like the build up and foreplay - and I like my man to be a little bit more dominant. We've had a discussion about this before, but he said he doesn't want to be dominant because he feels like he's objectifying me - even with my consent. We've had talks about all of these topics before, but he just tells me to ride it out because these issues might be a result of the pandemic. I'm willing to wait and see how things turn out, but I'm starting to get a little nervous that this relationship is more of a platonic thing. While I get along with my partner very well in most areas of life, there are a couple of things that I could see becoming a problem if not resolved in the long run. Sometimes I wonder if I'm settling?
  2. Hi all, I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months due to his lack of commitment, porn addiction, selfishness, perfectionism, superficiality, and overall immaturity. The reason why I even dated him in the first place was because he showed that he really cared about me and wanted to make things work - he even started going to therapy and life coaching sessions to figure himself out so we could be together. However, I realized that this relationship wasn't going anywhere and a lot of the issues he had stemmed from some deep-rooted trauma or maybe was just part of who he was. After our breakup, he met up with a mutual friend to find closure. This mutual friend relayed everything my now, ex, said to him: - Throughout the entire relationship, my ex was secretly wishing for an open relationship. He would constantly compare me to other women and believed that there were better opportunities out there - but he never acted on these thoughts because he felt horrible for thinking that way and wanted to love me to the best of his ability. - He wants to marry me, but not date me. He wants to get all of his experimenting and dating out of the way first. - Whenever we were sexually intimate, there were times where he would call out an old high school crush's name in his head. Apparently this was "out of his control," and made him feel super ty and guilty afterwards. And: - Despite all of the things above, he kept emphasizing that I was the only girl he's met that he wanted to try so hard for. He truly cared about me and wanted to make me happy and be the person I needed him to be. He said that he would like to be in a relationship with me again in the future, if possible. I know that these things shouldn't reflect on my worth as a person, but I've never felt so damn hurt before. As someone who is VERY monogamous, I am so angry that he didn't communicate these things to me beforehand - if I had known, I wouldn't even get involved with him in the first place. I'm not sure how I should process this moving on or how I can ever get over something like this. I can't forgive him.
  3. Hi all, I'm a senior in college majoring in marketing and I landed two internships in the Bay Area with quite different responsibilities. I am having a hard time deciding between the two as they have their pros and cons. Based on your experiences and career, which internship sounds like a better shot? COMPANY A Responsibilities: Salesforce, Hubspot, Excel, social media Pros - Young and energetic environment - 5 minutes away from campus Cons - Very low pay ($16/hr) compared to what I am currently making ($22/hr) - No opportunity for a full-time position after graduation - Doesn't have much of a presence yet bc they are a startup COMPANY B Responsibilities: SEO, PPC (pay per click), social media, monthly reporting and analysis of current strategies Pros - Established, well-known company - Good pay ($30/hr) - Opportunity to turn into full-time position Cons - Company vision is constantly changing - known to have bad management - There will be traffic during commute to and from - Culture is not youthful or lively - mostly middle-aged people working there Any guidance or recommendation would be greatly appreciated!
  4. Hey everyone, I'm a 21 year old female. I'm currently in my last year of college, majoring in Marketing - I'm hardworking and my grades are pretty good (3.7 GPA). I'm also working a decent company that pays me quite well as an intern. My family life is fine, and I do have a few friends I can trust although I can only count them on one hand. In junior year of high school, I picked up social media as my hobby - and it was something I poured my heart and soul into. I was able to accumulate 30,000 followers on Tumblr and 19,000 followers on Instagram by posting my own original content that many liked. It went pretty well up until the beginning of this year. Due to some algorithmic changes, my content doesn't show to as many people anymore and I've been losing followers and seeing a large drop in my engagement. I know it sounds stupid, but this has really messed with my self-esteem. I'm considering dropping this hobby because it feels more like a job than something that I can enjoy leisurely. But the problem is I don't see myself doing anything else long-term. No other activity makes me as happy as creating content. I'm starting to feel like I'm losing meaning in life. Other than work and school, there is nothing else that really makes me happy other than my family and friends - but I want to be able to truly enjoy something without the influence of other people. Is this normal?
  5. Here is some context – I’ve been friends with this girl for almost 8 years. Let’s call her Sally. Throughout our high school career, we’ve had a bit of conflict because she would talk behind people’s backs whenever she was angry or upset at them rather than just directly confronting them. A mutual friend of ours noticed this too, and so they stopped being friends because of it. I stuck by because she promised me she wouldn’t do it anymore (although I’m not sure if she actually kept her promise). I also noticed that she lacked originality; she was constantly trying to talk, act, and dress like me. If I picked up a new hobby, she would too – but she’d do it privately so that I’m unaware of it. Other than that, she also has a lot of self-esteem issues. There was a point in high school when she cried and told me she felt like a loser compared to me because I was “talented” and had “everything” while she had nothing. I tried to reassure her and mend our friendship somehow, and it lasted all the way until today. We’re both 21 years old. And yet, she still talks behind my back – even to my own friends whom she barely knows. I confronted her about this, and she tells me that she has a lot of built up animosity towards me from HIGH SCHOOL – and they’re all material related. Below are some situations: 1) For my birthday, we went out to karaoke with a group of friends. She went, but didn’t sing. However, everyone pitched in $15 to pay for the fee. She told me that she was angry at me for not excusing her of paying her part since she didn’t sing. I told her that I would have the same for her because it is the sentiment of being able to celebrate your close friend’s birthday; money shouldn’t be of concern on a special day like this. Also, I had to wake up super early that morning to go to her graduation that was 2 hours away from home where I had to pitch in with other friends to pay for gas – I never once complained about that. 2) Throughout our years of being friends, we would do gift exchanges where we would agree on a budget and send each other our wish lists. She told me that she would go online to check and see if all the gifts I bought her actually added up to the budget – and then proceeded to accuse me of going under the limit and “cheating” her. I told her that I would never do that to her; there are millions of websites to buy gifts from online with varying prices – she doesn’t even know which source I purchased from to be making such a claim. 3) She told me that she always drives us to far out destinations when we hang out. This is true – but the only reason why I can’t drive too far is because I drive a very old car. I don’t want to put us in a position where my car could break down in the middle of the road. However, I always try my best to drive us whenever we’re local to compensate for that – and I also chip for gas if we do go on day trips. After responding to all of these claims, she said she understands me and is sorry for talking behind my back and that she shouldn’t have held all these grudges against me when she’s well aware that they were from years ago and have no real impact on our friendship now. I forgave her again. But the issues keep coming. I often feel like she is selfish. I invite her to a lot of my hangouts to meet my friends and family and she is my plus one to almost every event that I go to; I always try my best to make her feel comfortable because I know she doesn’t have too many close friends but she never does the same. One time, my work place hosted a giveaway and I suggested that she join as well so we have a higher chance of winning; if one of us wins, we’ll split the prize of $75. She ended up winning and then proceeded to say that she never received the gift card. I call bull. I don’t know. I’m in a difficult position. I don’t know if I want to throw away an 8-year friendship – but at the same time I feel like this is becoming more and more toxic. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  6. Gosh, I've posted on here so many times I'm sure at least one of you guys know me by now. :suspicion: I'm 20 years old. My ex-boyfriend is 24 years old. We've been together for 5 months, arguing on and off for two primary reasons: 1) He is unemotional and often times rude and impatient with me. We've already talked about this, but I think that it's just his general nature and not much can be done about it. He does try to be more gentle, but I still feel like he's forcing a change that can't be made. 2) His mom is a devout Christian and is opposed to him dating me because of a prophecy told by some pastor, so I literally have no way to spend time or hang out with his family without getting ripped on - which is actually a big deal to me because I value having a good relationship with my boyfriend's family. So, we decided to call it quits today and returned each other's belongings. However, throughout the time we spent saying goodbye, he kept telling me that he still loved me and that if we were meant to be, we'll be in each other's lives again. He also told me to keep the gifts he bought me. We ended the break up by telling each other that we still loved each other, but understood that it probably wasn't going to work out. Literally two hours later he calls me to tell me that he got into a huge argument with his mom, basically telling her to f*ck off and stay out of our relationship. He then says that this was part of his "break up plan," as in he only agreed to breaking up because he wanted to make sure he could get rid of all the external influences and get rid of some of the pressure before we get back together again - because otherwise, he would be incompetent at making me happy. He also mentioned that he left a lot of "holes" throughout his say of the break up, meaning that he never definitively said he wanted to break up - but rather needed time away or something of the sort lol (?). Right now, he's asking for a second chance to make things right, and promises that he can be the person I need and also protect me from his mom. He promised me that if things don't work out again, he will stop contacting me forever. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Should I give him a second chance?
  7. I don't mind converting if I feel as if the religion could possibly benefit or help me; I just don't want to convert for HIM. :/
  8. Hello everyone, My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 months now. I'm 20 y/o and he's 24 y/o. I am a virgin, he is not. We do not have sexual intercourse, but we do "heavy petting." I come from a family with a Buddhist background, while he was raised to be a Christian. His parents are SUPER devout (mainly his mom and brother), and although he is a strong believer in Christianity, he does not reference God as often as his family does. We've had talks about marriage, because we really do see a future together - but he often fears that our difference in religion could possibly become a problem. His mom knows that I am non-Christian, but she loves me as a person and constantly encourages him to convert me - not in a pushy or forceful way by any means. Now, I was fine with how things were going; I am not a very religious person, but I do follow the Buddhist philosophies and teachings to a certain extent. I've also sat through a few of my boyfriend's pastor's sermons to see how I felt about the religion, and so far I'm not necessarily opposed to converting; I just want it to be on my own terms and not a pressure that I have to cave into in order to please anyone. However, recently, my boyfriend's pastor's gave him an urgent call telling him that the Holy Spirit has prophesized that my boyfriend and I would be having sexual intercourse within the next month - and that if we actually follow through with it, our relationship will encounter many problems and challenges in the future that may prevent us from getting married. She says that she knows what "goes on" between us, and that all the physical intimacy will eventually lead to other things. She also suggested that he break up with me, as my father is extremely anti-Christ and will attempt to lead my boyfriend away from his faith in God. I was very angry to hear this, as I know that my boyfriend and I have enough self-control to not actually have sex; I've been strict with this, and made it very clear to him that I will not be having premarital sex. I also know that my father is a fairly relaxed and neutral person; he's Buddhist, but he really has no objections towards any other religion. Everything happened so quickly and abruptly, and I really don't know how to feel about this. My boyfriend tells me that he refuses to break up with me, and that he will do whatever it takes to marry me. But, he does want to become a better Christian and stop all the "heavy petting" that we do - he wants to strictly keep it at kissing. I personally don't mind stopping the sexual activity, but I'm also really offended that external influences have such a huge impact on our relationship. It also sets a bad image for Christianity, so I am also now unsure of whether I truly want to convert. I just want to live a simple and peaceful life, and I'm not sure if the path I am not will help me achieve that. I'm starting to have doubts about our relationship. I know this is a difficult situation to be in, but any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
  9. Yeah I'm not sure. He said she has a good personality, but her lifestyle (partying, drinking, raving) doesn't mesh with his. Furthermore, he's not sexually attracted to her in any way because she's a "bigger" girl, and he's not really into that. But at some point, she was so into him that she went and slept around with other guys to get her mind off him and ended up breaking her own heart. She came back to him and said, "I wish you had taken my virginity instead of him (the first guy she slept with)." Sooo, it sounded pretty serious to me?
  10. Yeah I'm not sure. He said she has a good personality, but her lifestyle (partying, drinking, raving) doesn't mesh with his. Furthermore, he's not sexually attracted to her in any way because she's a "bigger" girl, and he's not really into that. But at some point, she was so into him that she went and slept around with other guys to get her mind off him and ended up breaking her own heart. She came back to him and said, "I wish you had taken my virginity instead of him (the first guy she slept with)." Sooo, it sounded pretty serious to me?
  11. Hello guys, I've been talking to this guy for a month and we just made it official a few days ago. Everything seems to be going great so far, but I do have some doubts at the back of my mind; he has a best female friend who he talks to on an almost daily basis. He told me that he met her on a dating app about a year ago, and they went on a date together just to see how compatible they were. He ended up friendzoning her, but she however, she DID have romantic feelings for him. Eventually, they worked things out and remained really close friends and allegedly act like "siblings," he says. However, I do notice that he talks about her quite a lot to me. Whether it's about her boy problems or her personality, he brings her up. He also has her name saved on his Snapchat with a heart emoji next to it - I have no emoji next to my name. He'd also call her while he's with me to check up on how her dates go - I mean I guess he has nothing to hide since he's letting me hear their conversation over speaker phone, but I still find it rude that he's calling her during the little time that we have together. I'm trying my best to give him the benefit of the doubt because he does really treat me well - we've already had this talk about her and he said that he's willing to do whatever it takes to make me feel comfortable. I don't want to ask him to completely cut her out of his life, but at the same time I'm also distrusting because he works out of state and sees her at least one every week for dinner. I'm not saying he does anything to dishonor my trust, but I'm still worried...? Not sure if I'm overreacting or not. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
  12. Yes, I'm saving intercourse for marriage. I would be comfortable being intimate in other ways though.
  13. I've been in multiple serious relationships. We've fooled around, but never had intercourse. I'm totally fine with foreplay, but I can't let anyone "in" until we tie the knot.
  14. Hello everyone, I am a 20 year old female here, and being raised up in a relatively strict Asian family, I've come to believe that virginity is a very important thing to ME. Although I do believe that my family life had lots to do with shaping my morals, I do not feel pressured to believe in what I do not want to believe in. With that said, I support and respect those who think of sex as an activity with a purpose other than procreation - but I value that intimacy on a deep level, so I do not want to let anyone get to know me in that aspect until deemed worthy. I personally think that if I were to be in a serious romantic relationship with someone, I would hope that we could both save ourselves for marriage. However, according to a large portion of society, waiting until marriage is "stupid" because you need to "drive a car before you buy it." Therefore, most would not marry someone without having sex with them beforehand. Although sexual chemistry is important, I feel like that it is always possible to learn and improve yourself for your partner. I am afraid that many of my future relationships may go down the drain just because I won't "give it up." Are any of you guys in the same position as I am?
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