Emailing his ex? Advice needed.

[freeindeed]

I'd like to know some thoughts and opinions on this.... I want to e-mail his ex just to ask if they've been in contact. I just recently caught him lying to me about talking on the phone with a different ex (something he would have NEVER told me, and he boldly lied about it to my face.

 

I found an e-mail address of an ex-girlfriend that he was really close to and I just want to e-mail her asking if they've had any contact. Will she think I'm crazy? I'm not going to do anything psycho...but I'd just really like to know........

 

What do you guys think?

[annie24]

yes, she will think you are crazy. She may or may not tell you the truth. She will definitely tell your current bf that you've been e-mailing her, wanting to know about the two of them. Then, your bf will think you are crazy.

 

Don't e-mail her. If you don't trust your bf, work it out with him. If you just can't trust him, you should break it off. But, by no means contact his ex! Chances are she won't even tell you the truth.

 

good luck

[Iceman26]

Well think about the repercussions if you do. His ex will more than likely tell him that you wrote her asking if she has had any contact with him, and where will that leave you?

 

Has he said why he was talking to his ex? Why would he lie about it? Do you trust him?

 

If you do email his ex, be careful of what you say to her, as an email can easily be forwarded to him. Also, she can tell you whatever she wants, it may not necessarily be the truth. What if she wants to get back together with him or wants revenge? She might say anything to piss you off enough to dump him. Just some things to think about.

[DN]

I agree with Annie and Iceman. What was he talking to the other ex about and why did he feel it necessary to lie to you about it?

 

If you think he may cheat on you then you should consider whether you want to be in a relationship with someone you cannot trust.

 

If he is lying because you are jealous and over-reacting then you should do some self-analysis to try to find out why you are like that before you drive him away.

[freeindeed]

Wow...thank God for you guys...I was seriously just about to click the "send" button when I decided I better check with you guys first...and it made me realize what a mistake it would have been to send it. It really is hard to think straight sometimes when my emotions are going. Emotions always seem to beat out logic when it comes to matters with my current (on and off) ex.

 

What happened in the last incident, which is why I'm so paranoid, is this: We were driving in the car having a nice Sunday when his phone rang... Usually I wouldn't think twice about it, but he looked at his phone and started angling the screen away from me (like he was hiding something)...then he murmured the name of his guy friend. This made me absolutely suspicious because he usually doesn't even mention who's called (because usually it's guy friends). So I asked to see his phone and he opened his phone and started to (what I believe) was delete something from it. I grabbed it out of his hand ( I know I shouldn't have done that, but the adrenaline was pumping)...and sure enough it was his ex that was calling. I called her back impulsively, and it turns out they had been talking for a couple weeks now, but she said it was about business.

 

But even so, if it was about business, he should have told me, not play shady games and lie about who was calling.

 

So that's the story. I've also found him e-mailing another his (who's the mother of his child) when he would claim that he didn't. So I feel like I have valid reason to doubt him, i guess

[providentielle]

I know it is hard to learn from other people's mistakes but please try, if you do email her his trust in you will be gone and he will also know that you found her email address and it could be for no reason and i think it is almost certain that for some reason or another you will regret doing it. If you really dont trust him then this will not fix the situation and whatever she says I think it's safe to say you wont trust her answer any more than your boyfriend's.

[DN]

But he should be in contact with the mother of his child, shouldn't he? What was the nature of the business with the ex.?

 

From your post this could be one of two things - he is trying to hook up with an ex or you are overly jealous of past entanglements that he has no choice but to deal with. If you react badly then he will naturally try to keep it from you.

 

Sounds to me as if you need to discuss this issue face to face with him. But ensure you have grounds to distrust him and that it is not you who is the cause of the problem.