Such a Jerry Springer Episode

[dontstopbelivin]

Hello everyone,

 

Let me begin by saying that it is good that we all can talk about our problems and have a listening ear (or set of eyes) understanding us. Support is the greatest gift that people can give.

 

To my sad life: I was with my ex for 3 years, and we moved in together after college graduation. Things were great, and we fantisized about marriage. Her parents wanted us to get married and everything like that. We had a few bad times but were always able to get over it.

 

ENTER JERRY SPRINGER EPISODE: She had mentioned a guy at work that like her and asked her out. She "apparently" told him she had a boyfriend. I trusted her, and didn't get mad. She told me that he was a loser with a child. As months went by, she grew distant from me. She stopped talking about this guy, and we continued with our lives. I would try to work things out, and she would tell me NOTHING WAS WRONG (by the way, I hate that). She was working late, and she told me she was trying to make more money.

 

I tried to arrange an away weekend for Valentine's day. She told me that she had plans to hang out with her co workers. i didn't undrstand what the hell she was talking about. The thursday before Vday, she told me that she wanted to think about things and wanted to be alone. I stormed out of there. I went to my friends house for the weekend. I missed her all weekend.

 

I was early for work on Valentine's day, so I decided to go to the apartment to settle things out like we used to do. She told me that she needed more time. I tried to go to the bedroom to get my alarm clock and she prevented me from doing so. I pleaded with her to tell me that there WASN'T anyone in the bedroom.....and she said nothing. I stormed in the bedroom, and saw the bed empty in the darkness. I turned around and I saw "The Guy" in the closet. I wanted to crush him, but I stormed out of there. My ex was trying to hold me back from leaving.

 

I moved out. A week went by. A lot of pleading from her in the beginning for me to come back. I wanted to go over plans for me to get out of my lease, so we had to meet. She then was fine, and had no emotion. She then told me that she met a NEW guy. Her whole demeanor changed, and she seemed like she was in love, like the way she was with me in the beginning of the relationship. I got out of the lease, and told her I couldn't talk to her anymore. A month went by and she continued to call, and the fool that I was picked up the phone. I missed her, and wanted to talk to her. She told me that she doesn't know where she stands with this NEW guy. I told her that I cant go through this cycle of emotion anymore, and told her to get out of my life and that I hated her. She hasn't called since.

 

Do you think that was the right thing to do? What do you think her motives were when she told me out problems with her NEW guy? Am I wasting my time thinking about her? Do rebounds really work out?

(I hope not)

[justsweetgirl]

My heart goes out to you. You obviously don't hate her. You said that because you are hurt and that's understandable. You sound stronger than I. I usually end up giving endless chances and kicking myself later. Very hard. If you want her back, take some time first to know why. Assess the situation calmly and clearly. Which means no contact for a while. Sometimes we go back because we can't stand not to be wanted, rather than because the relationship is a good one. Good luck.

[SouthernSon]

My heart goes out to you. You obviously don't hate her. You said that because you are hurt and that's understandable. You sound stronger than I. I usually end up giving endless chances and kicking myself later. Very hard. If you want her back, take some time first to know why. Assess the situation calmly and clearly. Which means no contact for a while. Sometimes we go back because we can't stand not to be wanted, rather than because the relationship is a good one. Good luck.

 

I agree with sweetgirl here, but I will add that you do not deserve to be someone's "punching bag" or "safety net". I understand that you still have feelings for her, and you will. You can't just turn them off one day. You deserve a lot better than what she is doing to you. I know this is not always easy to hear but perhaps in time you may realize it is best for you in the long run. If she was dishonest with you now, do you believe she will truly change and that you can truly trust her 5 years/10 years/20 years from now?

[dontstopbelivin]

thanks everyone, I dont think she will ever change either. Everyone says that people don't change, and that it is a temporary solution to mend a situation. I would have rather heard the reasons for her actions, than for her to tell me that she needs time alone. What ever happened to Honesty? And to even think I was going to marry this girl. I know I will be around to trust another person, but I find it very hard to trust people now. I just feel used, cheap, and utterly violated.

[hockeyboy]

i think you will be best off if you get away from this woman for good. telling her to get out of your life was the best thing you could have done..stick to it. personally, i feel anyone telling you to make up with her is only throwing you in the fire so to speak. yes, you can love her and you may always love her, but that is not going to change her or change what she did or what she does.

 

should the love of your life make you feel so much pain? if you say no...then i would conclude she is not the love of your life and that anytime spent on her is time wasting you could spend looking for the real love of your life.

[dontstopbelivin]

that is completely correct. in a relationship, you put the other person first. It is a compromise and a sacrifice. That is why open communication is very important. I tried with her, and nothing was given to me. I never thought I would ever experience "finding" someone else "in my bed", so to speak. You always see that in the movies, and you think to your self "that stinks for him," and then reality throws a punch in your face. I don't think I could ever get back together with her and always thinking about what happened, and I couldn't trust her. Her loss, my gain, and I'm sure there is someone out there for me.