Sitting in Limbo - Tricky Situation

[Timm]

Hi all, Ill try and keep this short.

 

A few weeks back my girlfriend of 2yrs broke up with me. My belief and reason for the breakup lies in afew areas, the most important being her disappointment in me not saying "yes" outright to moving in together. This situation wasent helped when i didnt have time to explain myself at the time, leaving her to come to her own conclusions about what i said. All in all she felt that i didnt want to spend time with her and not moving in together was a huge blow back for her.(keeping in mind i did want to move in but the timing was not right)This, as well as the "routine" we got into as a couple didnt help and she said she needs this time to work things out for herself.

 

Now the tricky part of this whole situation begins with afew things she has said and done. At the time of the breakup she said she wants to remain friends and is still true 3 weeks later. She said to me "she needs this time apart but can still see a future with me. Its more about the "when" we get back together than "if" we get back together ". I also met her out with some friends and she was flirting with me just like we did when we first went out.

 

My biggest problem is "what do i do"?. All i want is her back in my arms but i'm afraid that if i push things it could backfire, however if i leave it to long she will move on. Should we hang out as friends and build what we had from there? or leave her alone to make up her own mind?

 

Im just lost with the options i have an dont know what avenue to take. On one hand i want to shower her with my affection but on the other i want her to miss me.

 

What do I do to get her back?!

 

Tim.

[SouthernSon]

Something sounds weird here. If she is serious about the relationship, she would make time to hear out your reasoning regardless of what answer you give. Now she wants time apart?

[Timm]

Its not that she didnt make time to hear me out, we got distracted when she asked me and we didnt have time to talk it through. Making all of this breakup seem like its happening for all the wrong reasons.

 

Its a complicated story with many small factors, however from what i can piece together these are the main things.

 

1) She felt humiliated, silly, rejected when i didnt say "yes" outright to moving in together and that i didnt want to spend time with her.

2) We got into a routine where we sat around when she wanted to go out and have fun(something i've recognised within myself and changing). Our relationship was not boring, it just wasent exciting.

 

She said we need this time to try and make it exciting and fun like it once was. Thus explaining the flirting when we went out.

 

Just dont know what to do and it kills me knowing she is out having fun when i cant be there to share it with her. I know time will tell, just figuring out what to do with this time to get her back is another thing.

[Damselle]

Hi Tim,

 

I am not sure if this is what happened but you make it sound in your post that you were too busy with something else and couldn't find the time to explain yourself to her as to why you said no. That would have made her feel like she wasn't the priority here(and who are we kidding she definitely should be, especially after a question like that is proposed.)

 

I will tell you something, as women we like to feel important and needed just like you men do and if she is ready to take the next step and you did not seem to agree than that was of course a huge blow for her and needless to say it hurt her alot. Don't wonder why she broke things off.

 

You not only said no but didn't even take the time to say why you feel you are not ready. That can make any girl feel rejected and unimportant to you. I know this is not at all what you think(it is quite the contrary Iwould say) but it seems you gave her this idea unintentionally.

 

Fortunately for you she is definitely still head over heels because the flirting wouldn't be there if she wasn't. My best advice to you is do not leave her alone to make up her own mind. In her mind she already got a rejection so if she is like me (independent) she won't keep running back for more.

 

It is now your move. Remember it is never too late for an explaination and I think in this case it would even be greatly appreciated because whatever the reason was you can say it now and she will listen.

 

And why would you want to make her miss you? Don't you love this girl? Why would you want her grieving, missing, crying over you her ex bf? Aren't you the guy who is suppose to make her happy? Chances are she is but she willnot show this to you.

 

You've been dating this girl for 2 yrs, you know what she likes. Show up with zillions of flowers at her door, or send her flowers at work, lots of them, Or do something that was meaningful in your relationship.

 

This girl loves you! GO GET HER!

-Damselle

[justsweetgirl]

I think your girlfriend retreated after she thought you were not interested in moving in together. She is protecting herself from getting hurt by distancing herself emotionally. Seeing you, flirting with you, but not considering the two of you a couple. By saying it's a question of when, not if, she is basically taking back some control she feels she lost.

[Timm]

Damselle, You right and thanks for your advice!

 

I understand what i've done and the time apart has been good for me in the way that i can clearly see the bad things that i've done (unintentionally). I was unsure of where my life was heading career wise (looking for a job as i just finished university). and said i was unsure for that reason.

 

So after she broke up she backed off big time and so did i as she requested some space. She then wanted to see me and we are trying to work things out from a "best friend" point of view. Like i said presiously, i have no idea of what to do.

 

Im glad you suggested showering her with flowers as its the only thing i feel i can do right now. As for her missing me, i guess im hoping she might regret the decision and want me back. I do love her so much and a week before she broke up with me i was thinking how good it would be to move in together, but never had the chance to tell her

 

This flirting happened on Saturday night (now tuesday night). Hardest part is i chatted with her and said i understand and i've changed etc, but she still wants to be friends for the time being. I know she doesnt want to rush back into things as she has learnt from her last relationship that it doesnt work.

 

Your right, she is very independent and wont show me her emotions and hides them. I asked her how she was going and could sense she was having a hard time....which hurts more. I guess its time for me to show her how much she means to me.

 

Any suggestions on super romantic ways to win her back??

[Timm]

justsweetgirl, I understand she is protecting herself and so would I if it happened to me.

 

So you dont think the flirting etc is a sign that she wants to get back together??

[Damselle]

hey Tim,

 

In a way, I would have to say that this was most probably best for the both of you because as you mentioned. . . you can now look from a best friends point of view. (as hard as that is however)

 

Nonetheless, as for what goes on geting your girl back, no one will really be able to give you the best advice but yourself. As for me I know I am a sucker for flowers and they are generally very appreciated by most girls. I know I once broke up with a boyfriend and he showed up with a poetic story of how much he missed me and why.

 

Yes this sounds more than extremely gay to almost EVERY guy I know, but it completely won me over. This girl knows you better than most for the exception of maybe you family and best bud. Ponit being?! she'll know if the gestures you are doing are genuine but most importantly come from you.

Tim, in two years I'm sure there are many things you've don that have made her smile. It doesn't have to be complicated, your just showing her that you gave her that WAY WRONG impression, you regret it and want to be with her.

 

Once you prove this to her, there's no way she'll be able to resist. When your ready to move in a with a person it takes much longer than that for your feelings to die.

 

Hope to see you guys back together soon.

Val