1 month on...

[kudos]

Hello all!

So yesterday marked one months from that dreadful 'we need to talk' when my ex broke up with me just before deployment with the army. Since then we have met up once (a few days after, just before deployment) and had a couple of text conversations in which he has been lovely. No hard feeling for him, he broke up in the best way possible, was kind and tried to support me while not leading me on. Basically I lost a good guy.

 

We been in no contact for 2 weeks now, he is deployed over seas but we could contact each other if needed. I'm not hurting so much now as we really needed this which ever way it goes but I really miss him. And I'm starting to understand where things went wrong, and do think he was trying to fix it but I buried my head in the sand.

My previous relationship ended very badly and took me a long time to get over. I've now realised from stepping back that I was so closed to my recent ex. I wouldn't open up and he used to tell me this a lot. And although I tried to and he tried to help me I was scared to drop my guard. Another part of this was i wouldn't ever get into deep conversations, and if he tried to connect to me in a deeper level I'd freak out and make a joke to change the subject. All he wanted was the deeper connection and I wouldn't give it to him. I was selfish and just out to protect my self. He's gone to a war zone and all I could think of was how I was going to keep myself busy. I started filling my time before he left and this upset him.

Before he deployed I wished him well and I told him I was at the end of the phone if he needed me. I reached out to him a couple of weeks ago asking how it was going. He replied within a minute that he was in a 16 man room and was finding it difficult. I replied, but now realise I didn't give him the emotional support he was reaching out for and instead made a joke (doh!) I've not heard back since.

I know this now, I want that deep connection he craved but that I was so scared of. I was scared if he knew the real me he wouldn't like me but instead I was so closed he wasn't able to truly love me.

 

Are we incompatible, or just lacking good communication?

I was planning to stick to no contact for now to clear my head and decide what feels right. He's not back in the country for 6 months, but he's such a good guy I can see a future with him (although he said he couldn't see one with me). Sombre days I think I should walk away, other I think I'm crazy to not be fighting for this. I feel like he wants me to show I care so he can feel secure enough to love me back.

Maybe I'm just crazy and making this into something it's not and he really isn't that into me....

[golden17]

Seems like y'all were just lacking communication

[golden17]

I often have a hard time opening up too so I completely get where you're coming from

[MissCanuck]

I think now is not the time to be trying to reconnect. He is deployed and his focus will be on his work, I imagine. The stress of communicating with an ex is not what he wants or needs right now.

 

I would wait until he is back home before trying to rekindle anything.

[kudos]

Yes I agree. There's not much I can do for now but work on myself and let him contact me if he needs to. Hes not back til october. He does get some leave but ill be the last thing he needs to worry about. But I am stressed that I've messed up and pushed him away forever.