Need advice on guy

[SandyD]

Here I am once again as predicted by a fellow enotalone member, dealing with the same issues that weren´t dealt with before I started seeing the ex again.

Long story short, met a seemingly great guy, fell for him, eventually started a relationship that didn´t last long because we had different expectations. Two weeks later we met up again and started hanging out, and things were a bit better. We never talked about exclusivity or if we wanted to try for a relationship again, we just let things happen.

But now I´m back at square one...

This past week was fine... we went out with friends, we watched movies, we spent nights together, we bbq´d, he met some of my family... we had fun. No pressure. Until Saturday. I had a get together for friends at my place and he was here. Afterwards all of us had to go to a club because it was a dear friend´s b-day party. Well, it was a gay club and my guy didn´t want to go. Understandable... so I dropped him off at home and he asked me to come by after the party to spend the night at his place. So I did. Well... he didn´t call me at all on Sunday. I ended up meeting some friends and they asked about him, and I felt weird and rejected.

Here´s my little list of "complaints":

-He barely calls me. He never calls just to chat, he says he´s not a phone person and has nothing to say. I just always thought that, if you like someone, you´ll find any old excuse just to give a quick hello. This annoys me.

-He sort of ignores me in social settings. He´ll only sit next to me or be affectionate when he´s properly drunk, otherwise he´s very shy and very self-conscious around others. This annoys me even more than the phone thing..

-Most of his roomates were out of town for the week, so I think he was a bit lonely and maybe that is why he was hanging out with me so much.

-He absolutely never calls me before 5pm. We NEVER do anything during the day. I barely know what he does with his spare time...

-When I spend the night, he never asks me to just stay and hang out. I always feel like I´m getting in the way of him doing other things.

 

So will someone just tell it to me straight... this doesn´t sound like a guy who is really into me, does it? Unfortunately, I do like him... a lot. I did want this to work. I still do. But maybe I´m just deluding myself.

 

More info on the story: link removed

[kskm]

I think that you want more than to just be "friends". These things that you are wanting are things that girlfriends want. You need to tell him that you want to be exclusive (if that IS what you want). It's not fair for you to be mad when you aren't even together.

[evidica]

that sounds like the same complaints my g/f of, at the time 8 months, had. We have now been together for >2 years. but anyway, she told me all the complaints so i made a conscious effort. After about 4 months i started doing it all again. So i fixed it and the next time it happened, i weant to the doctor and he gave me a prescription for Strattera. Dont know if thats his problem, i know mine was ADD. but i hope this can help.

[SandyD]

Well, he called me today... way late, since he had a Spanish class. I didn´t ask why he hadn´t called yesterday. He asked me what I had done, and I told him all about my fun night with friends (including one guy I know he´s jealous of). All of a sudden he said he was tired and was going to bed, but he´d bike out to my place tomorrow... he´s only been here once, and never on his bike (I usually pick him up since he doesn´t own a car)... for some reason that sent chills down my spine.

Now I am convinced I will be dumped. I´m flinching already...

[kskm]

That was immature of you to include the one person that he doesn't like. Maybe you two do need to break up? I wouldn't put up with someone throwng something or someone in my face

[SandyD]

No, I didn´t say it to spite him... the guy was leaving the country and all my friends had a get together to say goodbye. So obviously I had to mention it, I wasn´t going to lie or omit details. My guy could´ve been there if he ever bothered to call. I would never try to make him feel insecure... although he doesn´t seem to care if he makes me unsure...