What does he want and how can I fix this?

[zredbird]

So I had my first proper boyfriend and we are both our 1st loves but we broke up 2 months ago. He ended things with me saying we argue, but told me he's made a mistake a few days later. We saw each other for the next 2 weeks but he messaged me around a lot. We were at a party together and he was drunk and stayed with me the whole night- it was weird my friends told him to leave me alone then he had a panic attack and found me and started saying how sorry he is and how he'll always love me. We then properly ended the next week by me saying I'm sick of him messing me around. He then blocked me on all social media and I really missed him. Also, we have mutual friends they told me he hadn't got with any girls since me. 2 weeks later he messaged me saying he's sorry and wants to meet up to talk. We met up and he said he wants to work and prove himself to me. But, for the next 2 weeks he didn't show he cared really and I kept saying this to him which he would just get annoyed at me about saying I was starting an argument, but i kept explaining that I was just insecure after last time and all I waa doing was asking if he wants to truly be with me. I found out from a mutual friend also that he had told her that he wants to be with me and when she said "what in a committed relationship?" he said yes of course. Last week he came over and we were fine until he said he had to leave after being here for 2 hours, saying an excuse I knew was made up. I kicked off and wouldn't take him home saying I know he's lying. I then agreed to take him home and just explained why I got annoyed. But, later he messaged me saying nothings changed and we shouldn't be together. At the weekend I got invited to his friends party and his friend said he asked him if I could be invited and he said yes, and he messaged me asking if i was going. I ended up not going as I finished work too late and only realised now he called me at 2:30 in the morning at the party. He messaged me the next day saying my insta post was hot and asked about one of my tweets. He left our college today so it was hard not seeing him like I would every day, and he hasn't messaged me yet but has viewed my snapchat story. Someone help me on what he's doing? I'm so confused, I love him so much and want to be with him more than anything.

[getzrekt]

It sounds to me like he is in conflict between his feelings for you and his fears about the reality of himself and/or your relationship. Sometimes we can love someone and yet know that we are not right for a relationship. We might be too unreliable, too immature, scared of commitment, etc. It sounds to me like some truth is causing him to doubt whilst his feelings keep compelling him to hold on.

 

Whatever the case, it seems pretty obvious that you aren't able to get on for long periods right now. His attitude and his behaviour bother you and that brings about conflict. Those conflicts cause him to pull away. Then he comes back and it repeats. Either you are asking for too much or he is simply not doing enough, or it could even be a bit of both. Unless you can find some kind of compromise then you will just keep going round in circles until one or both of you decides that it simply isn't worth it.

 

Whichever direction the problems are coming from, you both need to be prepared to change and to work on those problems. If either of you isn't fully committed to that then nothing will get better.

[zredbird]

I think you're completely right, I know that sometimes I do things that cause the conflict but I've realised that and have tried to change over the past week so now I think it's just up to him. Do you have any advice on what I can do or try and help him realise that it's his turn to change? As every time I bring it up he shuts down on me and completely ignores what I say or argues back. Thanks for your help

[Wiseman2]

Responded in your identical thread from yesterday, 05:04 PM: