robin13 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Contacted ex for the first time without begging about getting back together. She started being flirty, we messaged all day yet she was being kinda dry. Spoke again today but now she's getting angry that I deleted one of my instagram photos of her and she stopped replying and also brought up that I cropped her out of one of my tinder photos. Idk what to make of this. She said she wants nothing more to do with me and doesn't like me etc etc, but I can't help but think maybe she does? She just ignores any questions i ask about me and her but I'm not sure what to do Link to comment
Smitty921 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 How long were the two of you together? Link to comment
vesper Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 IF she is flip-flopping, the best thing to do is to step b ack and cut all contact. Link to comment
robin13 Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 Been together for 4 years, the relationship was horrific near the end. She knows I'm not interested in anyone else. she knows I love her and have changed. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Sorry to hear this. Yikes you are putting yourself squarely in the friendzone with this. Go back to no contact. This is sheer insanity. Both on tinder and using the ex-cropped-out pic? No! Delete it get a new fresh profile and pics on other dating apps. Stop playing these games. "she stopped replying and also brought up that I cropped her out of one of my tinder photos". It doesn't get more clear than this 13;6771466]She said she wants nothing more to do with me and doesn't like me etc etc Link to comment
robin13 Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 Bro, if she didn't care she wouldn't get annoyed over me deleting Instagram photos Link to comment
robin13 Posted March 13, 2017 Author Share Posted March 13, 2017 How long were the two of you together? 4 years........... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Bro, if she cared, she wouldn't have dumped you or tell you to get lost.Bro, if she didn't care she wouldn't get annoyed over me deleting Instagram photos Link to comment
No1 Posted March 13, 2017 Share Posted March 13, 2017 Changed? How exactly have you changed? Anyway... This cycle will continue as long as you are available to her. She is confused and doesnt know what to do and that makes you confused and you dont know what to do. I know you want to remain available to her, im sure you have told her many times you want to be with her and you wont talk to anyone else. So since you have told her this, there is nothing you can do but wait it out and have her come to you. If you wait, then this rubberbanding issue will remain. The best way to show someone you have changed is not to prove to them by words, but by actions. And sometimes you show them by treating other people right. That means, you let your X go. Its not something that you want to hear, but its something you need to hear. Link to comment
Smitty921 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 4 years is enough to be very attached to someone. But that doesn't mean it won't end. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I know how bad It hurts because I just went through it. It's the worst feeling in the world. From my personal experience, I know I wish I could go back and have told her the minute she broke up with me that I respected her decision and that I thought it was best that we stopped communicating so I could heal. She wanted to remain In contact and would get upset with me when I would say that if she wanted it to be a break up, then I needed to move on. But I should have just said that I respected her need to end the relationship and that I hoped she would respect my need for space to heal and move on. I wish I would have said that and then stopped contacting her and responding when she would contact me. I had every right. Instead, I went back and forth and begged and acted totally unlike myself because of my emotions. You will act in ways that will make her wonder why she was ever with you at all if you let your emotions turn you into someone else. My ex would always respond to me when I would message her. But she would be really dry just like yours is being to you. She is doing that on purpose. She sounds very immature and vindictive just like mine was. So I highly suggest to just leave it alone. Do not try and say one more word to her. Don't tell her you are moving on. Just do it. And work on healing and changing the areas in which you feel like you fall short. The relationship was horrific in the end because she had decided she was ready to break up probably for months prior to it actually happening. I promise you, staying in contact at all is not going to help anything. And I really hate telling you this, but not being in contact may also just help her let go and move on. But try to keep a positive attitude and know that no matter what happens, you will be ok. I'm ok. I thought I was going to die. I still have days where I miss her a lot, but now I at least know that I am so much better off without someone who would treat me the way she did in the end. If she really knew what love and commitment was, she wouldn't be doing this. Unfortunately, a lot of women these days are only with you if they have the warm fuzzy feelings and as long as it benefits them. Link to comment
Smitty921 Posted March 14, 2017 Share Posted March 14, 2017 I also agree completely with what No1 said. I kept trying to convince my ex I had changed and tried to remain available for her. The absolute best way to show her that you are a respectable guy who has changed is to show her that you can live your life without her. That doesn't mean you are a jerk or that you don't care about her. It simply means that your happiness in life isn't dependent upon her. I promise, it will earn her respect. My ex is with another guy now and I just recently found out he got her pregnant. But for 6 months now, I haven't tried anymore to be with her. I have moved on, regardless of how much I miss what we had at times. I can just about guarantee that I have earned back respect from her in doing that. But what is crazy is that I don't even care now how she feels about me and I don't respect her because of so many of the things she said to me and has done since we split up for good. Remember, this girl may not be a good girl for you anyway. It may be that she is the one that needs to change and that she just brought out the worst In you. And I know that right now, it is so hard to look at It that way, but if she isn't the right one and if she is just mean as hell to you like mine was to me, you eventually won't even care. And if you do, you'll realize that the person you miss doesn't exist anymore and that what you are actually missing is what you thought you had. Link to comment
robin13 Posted March 14, 2017 Author Share Posted March 14, 2017 Im so sorry how long ago did you break up? Link to comment
Smitty921 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 This past Monday it will have been a year since she moved out and moved in with this other dude. She was calling it a break up then but was also saying she didn't want it to be permanent; that she just needed space and time to heal. At that point in time, I thought she was someone else and believed her to an extent when she said that. What she was really doing is trying to see if she could find someone else. But I don't really consider it having been a "true" breakup until she told me she was done for good and that was only around 6 months or so ago. So be careful man. You can spend a long time with someone and think you know that person, but in actuality, they were only being that person for you and a selfish monster lives inside them. Link to comment
robin13 Posted March 15, 2017 Author Share Posted March 15, 2017 She is totally ignoring me again. I asked her should I move on and she doesn't reply, I asked her did she want to meet on Saturday and she said "you just want to have sex with me, no" she refuses to give me clousure. She just doesn't answer anything I say about us. She would only respond to one question I ask her. She never ever has done this before. I duno what she is doing. I haven't tried no contact. I'm going to try it now for two weeks and see what happens. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Going no contact on her end is "closure".She is totally ignoring me again. she doesn't reply she refuses to give me clousure. She just doesn't answer anything I say about us. Link to comment
Smitty921 Posted March 15, 2017 Share Posted March 15, 2017 Man, I promise that isn't going to work. You can't just say, "I'm going to do no contact for 2 weeks". Don't put a time limit on it. 2 weeks will go by, you'll text her, and nothing will have changed. Stop even trying RIGHT NOW. Start healing. Do you really think all of your issues with each other are just going to go away in 2 weeks? Dude, I just went through this. I told myself, "I'll give it a month of no contact and then see". When I finally did contact her again, she was even more mean to me than before. I promise that you will hate yourself later down the road if you keep trying. It's humiliating. I just went through it. I would give anything to go back and to have had a freaking backbone and stood up for what I know I deserve and just left it alone. Don't ask her if you should move on. I asked my ex that over and over and she never would say for sure. And now, looking back, I feel like such a loser for even asking her stuff like that. Your emotions will turn you into a pathetic crybaby over a woman if you let them. Don't ask her or tell her you are moving on. Just do it man. I promise that eventually, you're going to look back and be glad you did. Once your rational mind takes back over, you'll feel pathetic for even having chased after her at all and you will see that you dint deserve to be treated the way she is treating you and you will be glad she is gone. One more thing, you say she has never done this before and you don't know what to think about it. A lot of women detach and do crap like this when they are confused and don't know what they want. You just have to detach also and begin to heal and move on. I know it hurts like hell, but I so wish I would have taken advice like then when I had the chance. If you keep chasing and keep getting rejected, it will hurt 10 times worse. Link to comment
No1 Posted March 16, 2017 Share Posted March 16, 2017 Robin... Just stop. Accept that it is over. Let her go. It will hurt to admit that its over, but you will also get a wonderful feeling of a big weight being lifted off of your shoulders. Get rid of the drama, let the situation go. Link to comment
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