ex-girlfriend ==> friend?

[BlueCoconut]

I broke up with my girlfriend almost a week ago. details are in a previous post. my question is, is it impossible to be friend with someone after a break up? I still care for her and I seldom run into her on campus. A couple days ago we went to a coffee shop together, we had a good time together. And today she comes to me at work, and i can see in her eyes that she wants to be back with me, but I know I do not want that. And she cries and says that i do not care for her and leaves off in a rush...

 

she still wants to hang out together, and i would like that too except that i'm a bit worried.

 

She still loves me very much, but do you think I should cut and stop all contact with her? I don't want to do that, but I'm afraid I'm just prolonging her pain... I'm also afraid of what is going to happen if she finds me going out with another girl, not that she is the type to be aggressive, but she would hurt quite a lot. So... advice, please help!

Should i remove her out of my life? or for a while?

 

One of the reasons I broke up with her is that she was my lover, she was not my friend...

[MetallicAguy]

You broke up with her because she's your lover? That makes no sense to me. Shouldn't it be you broke up because she was your friend? Whatever. lol. You might want to tell her (before you date another girl) that between you and her; it's over. But you may want to state you want to be friends and you still "care for her" whatever the hell that means lol, your her friend...but you care for her. Sounds oxy-moronic.

[rainbow]

I broke up with my bf two months ago. I was devastated and I wanted to get back with him, but like you he did'nt want to (did'nt get the hint of what I said). He got over it ASAP and I did'nt. Guess he did'nt care about me, I always wonder why he was going out with me. How long it would of gone on if I had'nt broken up with him. I think it may have been the same reason as you we were lovers but not friends. I borke up with him because I wanted a friend not just a lover, whereas he was perfectly happy just being a lover and not a friend. I get where your coming from. Anyway, from my experience you cant be friends with an ex straight after a break up. Especially if one of you is still into the other and the other, like you, is pretty much over it. I just avoided my ex (even tho he lives with me), which made it easer to get over him. Seeing someone reminds you of what you had, what you've lost...... It does'nt let either of you move on. Stay away for a while. It will help her get over you. After a while she'll be able to be around you without it hurting. You can be friends. Thats what happened to me. If you try and stay friends ultimately you wont be friends. Something will go wrong, you'll fight like you two did. Thats what happened with my and my bf when we started trying to be friends and now that I'm ready to be he friend he probably wont want to be mine. Anyway, give her some space. Tell her why your giving her space too. If you want. She might not like it. Good luck!

[sweetchick]

Its not impossible to be friends after a breakup.. Truly depends on the reasons you two broke up though. If it was like cheating or something like that then probably not. If you honestly want to be friends with her and genuily care for her just sit her down and tell her that and make it clear you dont want to get back with her in that way. But be nice about it and dont force it on her or she will think that you don't really care your just saying you want to be friends so it dont hurt her. Just sit her down and say how you feel.

[ArcadianX]

From your previous post, I see what you mean when you say that you were lovers but not friends. And the situation is only complicated by the fact that she's leaving in four weeks.

 

What I think you're really asking here is "Can I keep up the minimal level of contact that will make me feel better for not completely ditching her, even though she's hurting and wants to get back together?". I think in this case the answer is no. You aren't even friends now, you personally feel that there's no basis for being friends, you probably already feel like you've tried your best to change that, and you're personally opposed to having a long-distance relationship between Europe and Canada. I don't see anything positive coming out of trying to be friends with her.

 

If you really want to avoid hurting her, spend the next month figuring out what you want out of your relationships so that you can avoid getting into obvious traps like going out with someone from Europe even though you don't want a long-distance relationship, or going out with someone where the only interest that's there is the initial rush of infatuation.

[BlueCoconut]

THANKS A LOT EVERYONE, FOR THE ADVICE!!