DrkHrt Posted March 9, 2017 Share Posted March 9, 2017 Just having a moment, so I thought I'd just post here to 'empty' my thought tank. Whilst I have begun to make small steps towards acceptance and healing, I am left mentally scarred with the images of things that I discovered the other day. As I have mentioned in previous posts, my ex had posted some very explicit and highly suggestive material on his twitter that he was probably unfaithful. As if dealing with the breakup wasn't bad enough, I am now left with these constant flashings in my head of him being with other people during the relationship. It's making me question what the relationship even was, as I feel as if I was with someone who was potentially living a double life. The weirdest thing is, I'm not even angry. I just feel sickened with these constant images that I have in my brain now. Yes, while it may be good that it is helping me see him for the rat he is, it's also left me feeling like, 'who was I with for 4 years? What did any of those years really mean?' I look back on certain times in the relationship and now question that what I thought was going on, may not have been happening. Unlike a lot of couples, we didn't live together so we spent a great deal of time apart. I would always just believe whatever he would tell me- that he was at work, that his phone was dead, that he was at home doing nothing etc- you know, the usual stuff exes say when you're away from them. Now I question all of that. He knows that I know about the account as it all came out last year, and I forgave him and we continued with the relationship. But he doesn't know that I've looked on there since, in closer detail, and seen some s**t that suggests infidelity. I was going to tell him what I know but decided not to do that since we're separated now, and he will only get mad, deny it and somehow make ME feel bad. Has anyone experienced anything like this? Link to comment
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