TBKY Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 My boyfriend and I have been together 11 months, the last 5 months he changed it went from being crazy about me wanting to see me all the time and being amazing... to now being distant hot and cold and no effort whatsoever... he works horrible antisocial hours and getting into this relationship I was hesitant because of this... but then I fell for his charm and effort... he has now taken me completely for granted and it breaks my heart...I am not really a fighter but when I have afew drinks on me it all comes out the burried unhappiness.... Last Week I went over to his house drunk and he didn't let me in so I got very upset and told him I was done... the next day I was upset etc that he treated me like that and then we chatted about maybe going on a break because I couldn't do it anymore I only ever see him once a week if even and he never tells me when he's off and never makes plans to see me anymore... It was his birthday and I got him a cake had birthday presents etc and he ignored me all day and then I got this message... saying along the lines of... "I think ur amazing bla bla I just need some space and time and wanna maybe chat after this as I'm going through some things in my life and don't know what I want" .basicly a break up text and I was beyond heart broken he showed me such little respect. I havnt written back and the following night I got a " thinking of you message" it's now been 7 days of NC and I'm so hurt about everything and so confused... I'm so anoyed he hasn't even tried to call or show me the respect to meet up and end it if that's what it is...I don't know if he means space or a break up and it's killing me but regardless I don't think I could ever forgive him for this treatment...I am not going to contact him again untill he shows me the respect I deserve but at the same time in his head does he think this is just space or was that message a cop out break up??? Any thoughts? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Sorry this happened. It sounds like he started checking out of the relationship at the 6 mos mark when the novelty and infatuation wore off. You dodged a bullet if he never made plans and just used fading and then "confused, need space" excuses to end it. Stay no contact. You don't need face-to-face closure. That happened when you went over there and told him you were done.Last Week I went over to his house drunk and he didn't let me in so I got very upset and told him I was done... Link to comment
TBKY Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Hey wiseman2 thanks for your advice. I guess I'm just finding it so hard to believe he would disrespect me in such a way. He's just quit his job and I've been trying to support him... he smokes weed a lot and I think that's his escape away from reality.. the thing is two weeks ago he was so great and wonderful to me..when we do see each other he is all over me... but confusing when we are not as he's little to no contact etc. I guess I'm just confused as to whether he thinks this is space or if he actully tried to end it over text and the text the following night is so hard to understand "I'm thinking of you"... he's a strange character and seems very odd when it comes to his space etc... just pretty much heart broken as I did so much for him and knowing how he ended it with his ex and a girl he was sleeping with before me... he showed them more respect by meeting them to end it...and I got a text on his birthday 😢 Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Try to ignore this breadcrumb crap. This is guilt or looking for hookups or a demotion to fwb. He needs space, let him have it and be stoned all the time. You can do better than this guy. Pay no attention to drunk or stoned meaningless texts. He's just quit his job and he smokes weed a lot. is so hard to understand "I'm thinking of you"... Link to comment
Ksol9 Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 I'm really sorry you're going through this. I can imagine how hurt and confused you are. You are going to think about this over and over searching for answers no matter what anyone tells you. The others are correct, you don't deserve this. He is totally in the wrong and sound like he takes you for granted. Grant him exactly what he is wishing for. Space and lots of it. Go NC and when he sorts himself out, most likely he'll surface. That is the only way to get some respect back in your hands. He knows what he did was wrong and if he is man enough, he will step forwards when he gets his thoughts together to apologize. When a man is not sure about his feelings, you have to leave him alone to feel your loss. That way he can learn to appreciate you, the hard way. By losing you. I really hope everything works out. Ik sure you're a very sweet person and it hurts to have someone treat you this way. Take a little time off from him even if you don't want to. Let everything settle for a little while and hopefully he'll stop being a coward and be a stand up man. Link to comment
TBKY Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Haha 😂 Thanks Wiseman2 yea your right just hard to accept... his lack of respect I'm just so hurt by...if history does repeat itself in regards to my past most guys I ever end it with always seem to come back at some point looking to get back... but always too late.. need to stop allowing myself get walked all over I guess... sad when you get appreciated and hit on by other guys all the time but the one your with doesn't appreciate you 😢 Thanks for your time and response it's very helpful to get an outsiders opinion. Link to comment
TBKY Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Hey ksol9 thank you so much for your advice and response. Relationships are so hard and can be so painful makes me feel like I don't want to risk getting in one again not worth this horrible pain... I hope he does stand up eventually as it's sad to see a man of his age act this way... My Hope for a decent man is getting hard.. seems to be a lot of frogs 🐸 in my past... I would love to spend a day in a mans mind just to try and figure out what happens... the frustration of not knowing what he is even thinking right now is killing me... "is he even thinking about me or does he actully not care at all" 😢 Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Sorry this happened, OP. He sounds like a jerk. It also appears that he's been backing out of the relationship for some time. Failing to make any plans to even let you know he had some time off (and theoretically could spend some time with you) were indications he was losing interest. Given that behaviour, I would interpret his text as a break-up. He sounds immature, how old is he? Link to comment
TBKY Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Hi misscanuck Thanks for your advice he is 34. Yea I did confront the lack of effort and not asking to meet me when he had evenings off etc and he would always say that he was just exsausted and wanted to just spend time on his own. I gave him the whole I'm not being with someone who doesn't see my worth or doesn't want to be with me... he stepped up that time and was amazing to me again... then he quit his job and went downhill and depressed and distant again.. then boom a break up/space or whatever it was text 😢 When I was drunk I did say I was done and he was angry at me for that "saying well you made that very clear bla bla" but I was so upset that I was outside his house and he refused to let me in because he had work the next day...but to me that was not nice as I clearly was his gf and he should have let me in... made me feel like I was just some garbage or needy booty call or something... I was so upset. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted March 7, 2017 Share Posted March 7, 2017 Just a thought...but are you sure he didn't have someone else in his house already when you showed up? Did he know you were coming? I get he's not obligated to let you in, especially if you were drunk and already confrontational or something of that nature. But in light of the fact that he was avoiding making plans for a little while, it unfortunately makes me wonder if he's been seeing someone else and that person was inside the night you came. Link to comment
TBKY Posted March 7, 2017 Author Share Posted March 7, 2017 Misscanuck that thought did cross my mind I will not lie... I have been cheated on before in my relationship before this one and I can't say that the scars from that one didn't hurt with the thought... to be honest I don't know... but on the other hand he did answer the phone when I called to ask to let me in and I don't honestly think he would have done so if he were hiding a someone else... he knows how strongly I am against cheating etc and he has been cheated on before too with very strong belief against it as a result too.. I don't think he would have done that to me in light of what I know of him... in my gut I think I would know... but that being said he has been too distant etc to know for sure..... if it were the case I would love it to come to light as that would most definitely make this process easier for me to walk away head held high and no time wasted further. Link to comment
Dahl Posted March 8, 2017 Share Posted March 8, 2017 FWIW, OP, I think that you already sound like you are ready to walk away with your head held high, and move right along to the good things that you deserve awaiting you in brighter days. I am sorry that you were in such a miserable situation. I wish you luck. Cheers. Link to comment
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