Falling for good friend's sorta girlfriend

[kennieboi]

Hi everyone. My ex broke up with me last year in October and to this day I still think about her and miss her. And one of my best friend is dating this girl and after meeting her, we have become pretty good friends. My friend doesn't mind her talking to me because she would always text message me or call me.

 

And she would feel really comfortable talking to me about her past relationships and I would talk about mine too. Well the thing is, I think I might be falling for her, but I don't want to mess things up with my friend and her also. I know that it would be totally wrong if I got into the picture and homewreck my friends relationship. But I can't stop feeling happy and always enjoy talking to her. And when I do see her, its only when my friend goes to see her. And when I do see her, she would sorta like flirt with me and be hella close to me.

 

I haven't told my friend this. I'm afraid to tell him because I don't want to ruin our friendship. The girl also mentioned one time that if I would still be friends with her if her and my friend didn't work out. And I told her that I would still be her friend.

 

Anyways I am really confused because I miss my ex girlfriend, but at the same time when I talked to this girl, she makes me feel better and I'm afraid that I'm falling for her when I know its very well that it is wrong, but its a feeling that I can't help.. Please any advice would be appreciated..

 

Thanks...

[MetallicAguy]

Well you can tell if she likes you by how close she is. If she's in your "intimate zone" (closer in than 18 inches) that means she likes you anything over 18 is nothing, it's not really "intimate".

[coolcol]

She has given you a clue .....if things dont work out between her and your friend then you might be in with a chance!

 

Stay friends but try not to fall in love with her or txt her all the time ( how would you feel if it was your mate doing it to a girl you just met and you trusted him?)....its not fair on your friend is it? But you already know that dont you?

 

How long have you had this friend? ........Personally if he's a good, honest, dear and close friend then back of a bit, let nature take its course after all your friend found her first!

Like I said......your friend sounds like he doesnt mind cos he prob trusts you........so dont do anything that you might regret....you could end up with no girl AND no friend!

 

How long has she been with your friend by the way? If its not very long then it might not last anyway. Maybe she cant make her mind up and is just letting you know she will still be there even if it doesnt work out with your mate.

 

If she likes you then fine stay friends with her....if she txts then txt back, but let her know that you value your friendship with your mate, and if you trully value your friendship then try not to take her away from him.....let her finish it if she feels that things are not working out.......she has your number and has already passed a hint , so just wait and see how they get on.

 

There is nothing worse in life than to discover your best mate has betrayed your trust and gone behind your back with your girl!

[kennieboi]

Hey coolcol. Thanks for you advice. I have been friends with her since about December. I don't maybe I think she sees me as a really close friend right now and notthing more. I think I'm just being really stupid and thinking that I like her but she's already with my friend. Maybe I should just tell her that I can't talk to her anymore and tell her the truth?

[BillyJean714]

Personally, I think that if you're that attracted to her, then you cannot be friends with her. #1- She's your bud's girlfriend, and you have a thing for her. It is kinda messed up to fall for her behind his back. You don't want karma to come chasing after you down along the road, in the future.

 

It takes two to tango, so this whole situation's not entirely one-sided. For her to make that comment about being friends, even if she does break up with her man, to me, says A LOT. Why is she already contemplating on breaking up with this guy? The thought of it already sounds suspcious. I always say, "It's the little things that a person says or does, that says a lot." We're not jumping to conclusions, but the fact that she did mention that just doesn't sound right.

 

If a girl truly feels that she's with the right guy, then she would never say, "If he and I broke up, then I hope that you and I can still be friends." In my opinion, if she honestly only saw you as a friend, then she wouldn't have to say a line like that. If she just saw you as a friend, she would just continue on being friends, minus saying what she said. And, if she thinks that her man could be the one, then she wouldn't even think about breaking up. She would have more faith in him. You see, it's those subliminal messages that say a lot.

 

We all know what's right or wrong, and lines that we shouldn't pass. We just keep on making up excuses for ourselves, and say it's okay. It sounds like you guys both know what's up. Looks like this relationship's heading towards more than just friends. This is just my guess. Don't let things escalate and get ugly.

 

About telling her about your feelings? Hmm..It's really up to you, but she has a man. Do what you feel is necessary. However, seriously evaluate your feelings for her. If you don't feel as though she could potentially be the one, then back off. If she's a just for now kind of girl, you have your answer. If you genuinely, deeply feel as though you guys are connected, and that she's the one, then maybe it's good to test the waters a bit. BUT, it still wouldn't be fair for your friend. Sometimes, you just have to be true to yourself. Sometimes, when a man loves a woman, he would also give up his bestbud for her. Life's so complicated. Anyway, do what you feel is right. Take care..

[BillyJean714]

Btw, one more thing, I knew a situation that was similar to yours. The guy and his bestbud and girlfriend would always hang out. They were all pretty close. Then, when his bestfriend and his woman started having problems (since she was comfortable with him, similar to how your friend's gf is comfortable with you) she would confide in him. After she broke up with her bf, she ran to the other guy. They ended up getting married. But here's where it all ended: after 10 years of marriage, they got a divorce. She cheated on him.

 

Anyway, his decision to date her, was mainly because his bestbud wasn't treating her right, and was a cheat. Since his friend was the playboy type, he figures that since she makes him happy, then he should pursue her. What he didn't do was, he didn't evaluate if he truly felt as though they connected, and shared the same values. Anyway, it was a stupid decision on his part.

 

And lastly, remember this: If a woman leaves her man for his bestfriend, then she could easily leave him for another guy too! In other words, how do you know if she wouldn't do the same with you? If you guys end up together, she may get close to someone else, and do the same thing with another guy. You should seriously evaluate a person's character, and try not to get caught up in the moment. Ask yourself if you want a girlfriend like that. Someone who confides in another man, while she already has her own man at home? Things may look innoncent now, but just be aware. Try not to buy into temptation. Try not to get caught up in the moment. Bottom line: evaluate why you feel the way that you do: Is it because you're trying to replace your feelings for your ex with someone new? Could be. Whatever it is, make wise decisions.