Feeling quite disappointed in myself lately

[philove]

Hi,

 

It's been a while since I last posted on here. Lately in life I have had this overwhelming feeling of disappointment in myself. I'm at the time of my life when I should be feeling happy. I have 2 kids (4 & 10 months) with my long term partner, we have just bought our own house and I have a decent job. Although I feel in general unhappy and like a failure.

 

I guess my own feelings of being a failure stem from my dreams and ambitions I had when I was younger which I have failed to reach. I wanted to do more traveling, meet more girls, have more friends, live in another country, be rich. Although my ambitions were high, I never really had the "balls" or motivation to do it, I was stuck dreaming about them without actually having any drive. So now it feels like I have been caught up in a whirlwind of circumstances which have led to where I am today.

 

Old friends who I sometimes check up on in FB have moved away and seem to be doing all the things I wanted to do whilst I feel like I am stuck in a situation I can't get out off.

 

Don't get me wrong I love my kids and partner more than anything else and would never ever leave them but I want so much more in life but it seems like I am destined to live this life that I have fallen on.

 

Can anyone else relate to this? Or am I just being unreasonable?

[Matt3939]

Everyone has what they perceive as a level of success. What you have obtained might be someone else's dream. There's nothing wrong with how you feel though. Without that nothing would ever change. You have a lot of people around you now. So you have them to consider also. This makes certain goals harder. Don't compare yourself to others. I'd work on some of your smaller goals. Once your children are older maybe go on a trip. Good luck

[Clio]

The grass always looks greener on the other side. Checking up friend's lives on FB is a futile exercise that gives out a misleading picture. You have absolutely no idea what goes on behind closed doors. None of us has it easy or has it all, despite appearances. Acceptance of the past is key, I think. There has been no mistake. Things couldn't have happened any other way, or they would. Self-acceptance of your personal limitations, focusing on the things you DO have and practicing gratitude is key. You can still work towards the goals you mention (minus the girls part). Your family is not the real obstacle. Lack of motivation is and that stays the same throughout life. Blaming things on your family circumstances would be just another cope out. I can relate to the feeling of not having accomplished as much as I would wish to but in the same time I believe in accepting personal responsibility for it, owning personal choices, accepting personal flaws and keep trying to do better rather than blaming things on external circumstances. "Balls" and motivation is what it is really about at any age, regardless of family circumstances.

 

P.S. You are at an age when most of us go through a transitional period, evaluating things (taking a personal inventory) and wondering "what if". It often resembles a "midlife crises" type of feeling. Based on what you wrote, overall, you have done well so far. Imo, in the long-term, building a stable and happy family is one of the most rewarding and worthwhile accomplishments and one of the best legacies one can leave behind.

[Bubblegum2991]

I have little to offer in the way of advise for you, but I can tell you that I certainly can relate to what you're saying.

 

 

My best wishes to you on your quest for fulfillment.

[Wiseman2]

It may be time to readjust your goals to make them reachable and consistent with reality. That usually gets done automatically in life. Kids want to be firemen when they grow up, then people switch majors in college deciding what fits, then your first job is usually dumb and just for cash, etc.

 

Sure keep a bucket list, why not? Maybe you will travel one day, etc. It seems the new baby, added family responsibilities and the whole family life vs freedom and bachelor life is getting to you a bit. Address that in therapy because you don't want to breed resentment by feeling "held back".

ambitions I had when I was younger which I have failed to reach. I love my kids and partner more than anything else and would never ever leave them but I want so much more in life but it seems like I am destined to live this life that I have fallen on.