Struggling to get over her

[snowdon9]

Hey guys,

 

Looking for some advice...

 

Basically, I recently broke up with my girlfriend who I'd been in a relationship for only a few months but had lived with for a year (housemates then relationship). Sounds simple except for the housing situation right? However, there's more to it and this ones hit me hard and I'm really struggling.

 

I'd known her for around a year and we just instantly clicked, like no-one I've ever met in my life. We were so comfortable around each other and could make each other laugh like no-one else could. We understood each other. I've been in many relationships, including a few serious ones (a few years, I'm in my mid-twenties) but never felt like this.

 

We spent everyday with each other and never got bored, it was just nice. I knew I loved her though and could sense she loved me. Her friends became my friends and life was good. Until a few months ago, she made a move on me, I was slightly taken back and gave her chance to go back on her decision but agreed to start dating.

 

Things were good, we had a few challenges (car accident, sick relatives, jealousy etc.) but nothing unusual. Except, I could sense that something wasn't right. I was pretty comfortable but felt she was constantly hiding something. I told myself it was paranoia but her behavior became "very hot and cold". One day "I never want to lose you", the next "things are too intense."

 

It all came to a head, when we went to our respective families for christmas and she came back and told me:

- Things were too intense

- I made her feel guilty about seeing her friends

- She's going to move out for the good of our relationship

- she's quitting her job

- She's moving back home (300 miles away) for a month

- She didn't want to spend NYE with me (had it planned for weeks)

 

I think I responded to it pretty well, I said I understand and despite knowing that actually the first two points were pretty much non-existent (never once tried to control or restrict her, I was never clingy) I accepted it and looked for small areas where I could improve eg. wording texts differently "what are your plans for tonight" instead of "When you back?".

 

A few days past and she was acting incredibly emotionally distant. This annoyed me considering how understanding I was being regarding the massive life decisions she thrust upon me. I decided the best way was to be honest and asked her why she was distant and said it hurts me. She responded it's what she needed to be and spent 2 hours crying before ending our relationship.

 

Then ensued the usual breakup pettiness. She stayed with her friends. We had arguments until we stopped speaking. Even her (our) friends avoided me. I feel incredibly sad about this. I've been through break ups before but this feels like something else.

 

She's moved her stuff out but I'm still in the same flat, I just feel sad all day, even after nearly 2 months. I miss my friend and can't understand why any of this happened. I put so much effort into her and she threw it back in my face.

 

I want to find a way to get back to the rapport we had (not the relationship) but I doubt she would even answer the phone to me. I know there's something special about her though and I don't want her out of my life forever. It sounds soppy and desperate I know. So any advice? insights? Should I move on and try to forget? Should I tell her how I feel (doubt it would work)?

 

Thankssss

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened like this. It seems she met someone on break and made up this laundry list of 'sudden problems' to exit the relationship.

 

Yes stay no contact. That will help you reflect on what went down and heal and move forward.

 

In the meantime, try to enjoy your freedom. Invite friends over, do whatever you want, join some clubs, groups, sports, volunteer, get a pet, get involved more at work/school.

It all came to a head, when we went to our respective families for christmas and she came back and told me:

- Things were too intense

- I made her feel guilty about seeing her friends

- She's going to move out for the good of our relationship

- she's quitting her job

- She's moving back home (300 miles away) for a month

- She didn't want to spend NYE with me (had it planned for weeks)

[snowdon9]

Sorry this happened like this. It seems she met someone on break and made up this laundry list of 'sudden problems' to exit the relationship.

 

Yes stay no contact. That will help you reflect on what went down and heal and move forward.

 

In the meantime, try to enjoy your freedom. Invite friends over, do whatever you want, join some clubs, groups, sports, volunteer, get a pet, get involved more at work/school.

 

Thanks for the advice.

 

I'm not sure she met someone - she basically knows no-one in her hometown and it's a tiny village. It's also not her style. Something happened though. I think it's possibly a commitment thing, she's never had a relationship for more than a few months. I stupidly thought I mattered more than that to her.

 

I think you're right though NC is best, as hard as it is. I probably need to stop thinking about it.